Q: My parents recently got divorced because my mom was having an affair. Now she's moved in with this other man and plans to marry him within a few weeks. My husband and I are struggling with this situation. Should we readily accept her new husband?

Jim: It sounds like you're caught in an understandable conflict between two opposing elements. You will always love your mom, but that doesn't mean you are bound to approve of her choices and actions, especially when they've been hurtful and damaging to the rest of the family.

Remember, your mother is the one who has created this awkward situation by choosing to disregard her marriage vows. She needs to understand that her actions and choices have real-life consequences. From our perspective, it's both insensitive and unfair of her to demand that the rest of the family embrace her new boyfriend with open arms. Your mom needs to accept responsibility for what she's done and realize that her actions have had a profoundly negative impact on the people who love her most.

I'd suggest that you draw a very definite line in the sand. Strong boundaries are healthy; "normalizing" brokenness is not. Tell your mom that you are willing to welcome her at family gatherings as long as she is willing to respect your values and standards, and to honor them when she's with your family and in your home. Remind her that she has deeply hurt everyone in the family by deciding to become involved with another man. Say something like, "I love you and care about you, but I don't approve of this relationship."

You and your husband can then decide together how to proceed going forward. As your mother's son-in-law rather than her own flesh-and-blood child, he may be able to say some things for you.

If you would like to discuss this situation further with our staff counselors, call them at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: Our second child is almost 3 years old. She doesn't respond to any of the parenting strategies that worked well with her older sister. We're stumped and stressed. What are we doing wrong?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: This is really about adapting to the differences from person to person. Many parents think raising children is like following a recipe -- use the same ingredients every time, and the cookies always come out the same, right? We know that's not quite the case.

Children are individuals. They don't all share the same talents, aptitudes and perceptions. Just because Son No. 1 is capable of straight A's, that doesn't mean you can expect his brother to achieve the same. And one daughter may be a great athlete, while her sister might be a brilliant musician. Each child has his or her own way of viewing, interpreting and engaging in their world.

Treating each child the same way makes sense to us because we think we're being fair. It may be fair, but it's not really most effective. Core values -- honesty, respect, etc. -- should be expected of everyone in the home. But that leaves plenty of room to tailor your expectations to your child's personality. Push some kids to work harder in school, and they'll rise to the challenge. Others will struggle even more. Some children thrive under rules and discipline. Others rebel at the slightest form of discipline, and may require a more creative approach to correction.

You have to study and know each of your kids, and invest the time and energy to connect, correct and redirect them according to what motivates them as an individual. A good starting point is the helpful, research-based and reliable 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment at www.focusonthefamily.com/7traits.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our daughter is painfully shy. As a toddler, she would run behind her mom's legs when guests visited. Even now, as a young teenager, she struggles to look people in the eye. She does well in school, but we're still concerned. How can we help our girl overcome her fear of social interaction?

Jim: First, let's clarify a common misconception. Author Susan Cain points out: "Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating." Some introverts are shy, and many shy people are introverted. But those aren't synonymous terms.

Shyness is usually a personality trait. It's not that children want to feel timid around people; they just do. With some patience and encouragement, parents can help shy children develop confidence in social settings. Shy people feel most timid in unfamiliar situations. An obvious solution is to make those settings feel more predictable and routine. Create opportunities for your daughter to venture into unknown territory with you by her side. Have her order her own meal at a restaurant, for example. Or accompany her while she asks a sales associate a question. The first few times you may even coach her in what to say. But you'll gradually be able to pull back until she's handling the situation on her own.

Remember, too, that you'll probably have to repeat this process for each new situation. Ordering her own meal, for example, won't help her feel any more prepared to make phone calls or set appointments. But with each new task she conquers, her overall confidence should grow.

A shy child will likely always be shy. But handled properly, shyness can be a gift. Shy kids tend to grow up to be sensitive, caring adults, who show a high degree of compassion for others. They just need some help from you to learn how to manage their shyness well.

Q: I'm in my late 20s. I date a lot, but have seen so many marriages break up (including my parents) that I'm not keen to go down that road myself. Why pursue a lost cause?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: One of the most insightful statements I've heard about marriage comes from author Maggie Gallagher: "Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us will ever do."

Ms. Gallagher is right; marriage demands a lot from us. Building a successful marriage requires us to think about our spouse's well-being more than our own. And -- this will be no surprise -- that kind of sacrifice doesn't come naturally. It takes a lot of commitment to live it out every day.

One of my favorite thoughts about marriage comes from that renowned philosopher, Rocky Balboa. In the original 1976 movie, a friend asks Rocky why he would bother pursuing a relationship with Adrian, a young woman so shy she's afraid of her own shadow. Rocky replies, as only he can, "She's got gaps; I got gaps. Together we fill gaps!"

Rocky's statement is simple, but profound. We have the ability to be strong where our spouse is weak. To do that, we have to be willing to step outside of ourselves and make our spouse's needs a priority. The love we feel when we're dating is usually all about our needs being met. I think that's why Maggie Gallagher describes marriage as a "bold" move. Infatuation eventually wears off. When it does, we can only experience true, fulfilling love if we're willing to serve our spouse and fill each other's gaps. It's bold, idealistic and very much worth it.

To help your relationships thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My wife and I have been married for almost three years, but we're both unhappy. Frankly, we'd each have plenty of other options. What would you say to us before we split up?

Jim: The fact that you're even asking the question, instead of just divorcing, is a good sign. I'd suggest you consider this: A study by the Institute for American Values found that two-thirds of unhappy couples who stayed together said their relationship was significantly better within five years. To achieve that, it'll require you and your spouse to make some strategic decisions.

Let me share an illustration from classic literature. In Homer's epic work "The Odyssey," Odysseus encountered the mysterious Island of the Sirens. These creatures' enchanting voices were so beautiful, they distracted sailors from their journey, imprisoning them forever. But knowing the dangers, Odysseus put wax in his crew's ears. He also ordered that he be tied securely to the ship's mast to prevent him from being lured away by the Sirens' seductive melody. Odysseus commanded the crew members to stay true to their course, no matter how bad their circumstances seemed.

Marriages in our culture have become transient. Too often, we'll throw out relationships at the first sign of trouble. But marriage is a covenant -- a deeply binding commitment designed to help us weather our most difficult circumstances. It's a vow requiring us to "tie ourselves to the mast." You have to dismiss the voices seeking to lure you away from your marriage or convince you that divorce is an easy answer to your troubles.

If your marriage is unhappy, it's not too late. Commit your relationship to a course of growth and healing. Before long, you and your spouse may discover the relationship you've always dreamed of. We have plenty of resources available to help -- even if your marriage is foundering on the rocks -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: We moved to a new school district over the summer; now our second-grader is expressing fear of riding the bus. He did OK last year, so I don't understand this development. It's too far for him to walk, and my wife and I both work, so we can't drive him every day. What can we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: This can be quite normal for kids that are a bit shy; if that's the case, your child will need some reassurance and coaching. If he's generally outgoing, adventurous and not usually afraid, then you'll need to dig deeper.

First, ask your son for more information. Did something occur last year on the bus? Was there a problem with other kids? Is anything especially scary about the new setting? If nothing bad happened previously, the issue could be he's just nervous about the unknowns at this new school.

You can make that first ride less intimidating with some planning. You could have him take a squeeze ball or a fidget toy to help him as he manages his fearful feelings. Or he could quietly play "detective" and note different eye colors, nose shapes or hairdos he sees on the bus, then share those observations with you when he gets home.

Another idea is planning a special celebration for the first day and the first week of successfully riding the new bus. Celebrations help a child focus on controllable things rather than the things that cannot be controlled.

Help your son see how fear is to be conquered and not avoided. Some personalities do better with this than others. But learning to manage uncomfortable feelings is a great life skill that will always be helpful as he grows.

If you'd like to discuss this subject at greater length with our Counseling Department, call 1-800-232-6459.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.