Q: My wife and I have been married for almost three years, but we're both unhappy. Frankly, we'd each have plenty of other options. What would you say to us before we split up?

Jim: The fact that you're even asking the question, instead of just divorcing, is a good sign. I'd suggest you consider this: A study by the Institute for American Values found that two-thirds of unhappy couples who stayed together said their relationship was significantly better within five years. To achieve that, it'll require you and your spouse to make some strategic decisions.

Let me share an illustration from classic literature. In Homer's epic work "The Odyssey," Odysseus encountered the mysterious Island of the Sirens. These creatures' enchanting voices were so beautiful, they distracted sailors from their journey, imprisoning them forever. But knowing the dangers, Odysseus put wax in his crew's ears. He also ordered that he be tied securely to the ship's mast to prevent him from being lured away by the Sirens' seductive melody. Odysseus commanded the crew members to stay true to their course, no matter how bad their circumstances seemed.

Marriages in our culture have become transient. Too often, we'll throw out relationships at the first sign of trouble. But marriage is a covenant -- a deeply binding commitment designed to help us weather our most difficult circumstances. It's a vow requiring us to "tie ourselves to the mast." You have to dismiss the voices seeking to lure you away from your marriage or convince you that divorce is an easy answer to your troubles.

If your marriage is unhappy, it's not too late. Commit your relationship to a course of growth and healing. Before long, you and your spouse may discover the relationship you've always dreamed of. We have plenty of resources available to help -- even if your marriage is foundering on the rocks -- at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: We moved to a new school district over the summer; now our second-grader is expressing fear of riding the bus. He did OK last year, so I don't understand this development. It's too far for him to walk, and my wife and I both work, so we can't drive him every day. What can we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: This can be quite normal for kids that are a bit shy; if that's the case, your child will need some reassurance and coaching. If he's generally outgoing, adventurous and not usually afraid, then you'll need to dig deeper.

First, ask your son for more information. Did something occur last year on the bus? Was there a problem with other kids? Is anything especially scary about the new setting? If nothing bad happened previously, the issue could be he's just nervous about the unknowns at this new school.

You can make that first ride less intimidating with some planning. You could have him take a squeeze ball or a fidget toy to help him as he manages his fearful feelings. Or he could quietly play "detective" and note different eye colors, nose shapes or hairdos he sees on the bus, then share those observations with you when he gets home.

Another idea is planning a special celebration for the first day and the first week of successfully riding the new bus. Celebrations help a child focus on controllable things rather than the things that cannot be controlled.

Help your son see how fear is to be conquered and not avoided. Some personalities do better with this than others. But learning to manage uncomfortable feelings is a great life skill that will always be helpful as he grows.

If you'd like to discuss this subject at greater length with our Counseling Department, call 1-800-232-6459.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: When my father died recently, I was struck not only by my own loss, but also my children's -- now they won't have Grandpa around anymore. Dad was a huge influence on me, and it hurts to think that my kids will miss out on his wisdom and encouragement as they grow. How can I replace that?

Jim: I'm very sorry for your family's loss. Losing a treasured loved one is always difficult, but especially when there's been a close relationship with multiple generations sharing in each other's lives.

You obviously can't "replace" Grandpa himself, but perhaps you can find someone else to help fill the gap. There are thousands of folks around us -- veterans, nursing home residents and others -- who are growing old alone. One survey of more than 16,000 care centers in the United States found that only 15 percent of the residents received visitors. In other words, eighty-five percent didn't receive visits from anyone -- not friends, not family, not even a chaplain. We can do better. And it's a natural fit for our children.

In that vein, perhaps you could consider "adopting" someone in the elder generation, and giving your kids the chance to build a relationship with a surrogate grandparent. Your children can gain a lot from seasoned wisdom, experience and example -- and brighten someone's world in return.

Meanwhile, if you need to talk to caring person about your Dad's death -- and even how to help your children process it -- I hope you'll feel free to call our staff counselors at 1-800-232-6459. They would be happy to help.

Q: I'm horrified whenever I see something in the news about cyberbullying; my son is about to start middle school, and he's fairly sensitive. I want him to enjoy making new friends and connecting with people through various means, but I'm also worried. How can I help guard his heart without being over-protective?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I wish I could help alleviate your concern by citing statistics showing that cyberbullying is a rarity, like being struck by lightning. Sadly, that's not the case; 40 percent of all teens have been cyberbullied at least once. One out of five teens has been cyberbullied on a regular basis. A whopping 95 percent of social media users say they've witnessed it online.

First, you need to ask your son if he's ever felt bullied in a general sense. Then transition to cyberbullying. Has he been affected or has someone he knows? How has he responded?

Let your son know that should it ever happen (or if it already has), you want to be aware and help him walk through it. Make sure he understands that depending upon the severity, there are times when a bully's parents should be notified, possibly school administrators, sometimes law enforcement. Assure him that you will help facilitate this process.

Furthermore, help him gain a sense of confidence. While we all know the middle-school years can be rough, your son needs to realize that confidence is a life skill that can be developed. I suggest a two-fold approach. Make sure he grasps that all human beings have a God-given value, independent of what others think or say, and independent of what he can or will accomplish.

That said, in a parallel fashion, it still helps if your son can feel good about a special talent. Can he play the piano well? Does he have a good jump shot? Can he solve computer problems like Steve Wozniak? Make sure he can hold his head up high because of these gifts. When others tell him he's not much -- either in person or digitally -- he can trust that the error must be with the bully, not with himself.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our 14-year-old son wants to start playing football. My husband is all-in, but I'm reluctant due to the injury risk. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I personally love football, but I also know firsthand how rough it can be -- my playing days ended with a broken collarbone in high school. Football is a great sport that teaches kids many good qualities, including teamwork, and helps them get in shape. But parents and children need to be aware of the risks associated with such a rough contact sport.

According to the journal Pediatrics, football accounts for about 22 percent of all concussions among 8- to 19-year-olds. In fact, the study's researchers found that 27 percent of football players ages 12 through 17 have had a least one concussion.

Other research has identified a serious condition called chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.), which can develop after repeated concussions and trauma.

On a broader scale that encompasses all sports, studies by the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons show that young people are facing more serious injuries than ever before -- torn ligaments, dislocated shoulders, neck and knee injuries and strained muscles and joints -- all from high school athletics.

I'm certainly not slamming youth sports. But as parents, we may need to help our kids find a balance between athletics and other less physically demanding activities. If your children are involved in high-impact sports year-round, you might encourage them to take a season off to pursue other interests and allow their bodies to heal. Even though they're young and energetic, teens need time to rest and recuperate, just like the rest of us.

If and when our kids get hurt, we shouldn't push them back out on the field too soon. Playing when you're injured isn't tough -- it's negligent. Along those lines, make sure that coaches and trainers are properly qualified to assess injuries (especially concussions), and are fully committed to placing player safety above any other outcome. If the coach's perspective is "win at all costs," your child will be better off playing elsewhere or trying a different activity.

Q: My husband and I are having some real difficulties in our marriage. We want to fix things, but we're overwhelmed trying to figure out how. Help!

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When your marriage is in crisis, it can be overwhelming. You and your spouse probably have a lengthy list of complaints about one another, and neither of you knows how to resolve them -- or if you should even try. I'd humbly suggest that you don't begin with the "how"; start with the "why."

The "how" details are important, of course, because we do need practical solutions to our problems. But the mechanics of fixing a relationship won't typically breathe life back into your marriage.

So, in addition to the nuts and bolts, give special attention to the why. Think (and talk) about why you fell in love in the first place. What were the dreams you once held for your relationship together? What do you hope your marriage could look like if it were healthy and whole?

Answers to the "why" questions are what revive desire between a husband and wife. They also motivate couples to work hard at healing their relationship. As the well-known saying goes, "Where there's a will, there's a way."

Once you have that foundation re-established, then work on the "how." We have plenty of tips and resources available at FocusOnTheFamily.com/marriage -- including the Focus on Marriage Assessment, which evaluates the strength of 12 essential traits of your relationship (it's free and takes about 10 minutes to complete). For couples on the brink of divorce, we offer Hope Restored Marriage Intensives. And our staff counselors are available to help by calling 800-232-6459.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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