parenting

What to Do If You Suspect Human Trafficking in Your Community

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | July 23rd, 2017

Q: How can I get involved with the effort to protect and rescue the innocent victims of exploitation? Recently I heard about human trafficking and sexual slavery right here in our own community!

Jim: It's true that human trafficking, sexual slavery and various types of bondage are going on all around us. Most of us go about our business blissfully ignorant of the suffering and tragedy that could be taking place under our very noses.

If you see someone you suspect might be a victim of trafficking, watch for evidence that he or she is being controlled. Signs include inability to move or leave a job, fear or depression, lack of identification or marks of physical abuse. If you have an opportunity to speak with such an individual in a non-threatening situation, ask questions like, "Do you want to be doing this work?" "Are you being paid?" "Can you leave if you choose to do so?" and "Where do you live and what are your working conditions like?" Should you come across evidence of trafficking in your neighborhood, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 888-373-7888.

On the home front, the best way to fight trafficking is to build strong relationships with your own children. Home should be the place where they get their strokes and their positive self-image. You can protect them against negative outside influences by forging a bond of mutual trust. Acknowledge that there are dangerous people in society, then make it clear to your kids that they can always come to you with their needs, problems and concerns. Children who get that kind of affirmation at home generally don't go looking for it somewhere else.

If you'd like to discuss this issue at greater length, feel free to call Focus on the Family's counseling department at 1-800-232-6459.

Q: I know I've been overly critical of my husband in the past, and as a result we're now basically living separate lives under the same roof. How can we turn this situation around and move forward in our marriage?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: An anger cycle is set in motion when a perceived need doesn't get met. In this case, your husband likely feels his need for respect has been violated; your hurtful comments have stirred a strong emotional reaction within him. Once established, this bitterness builds on itself and only becomes worse.

The good news is that it only takes one person to slow the cycle. And real intimacy can be re-established if both parties are willing to take responsibility for their own feelings and behavior. As the offender, you're in the best position to make the first move in that direction.

You can initiate a positive dialogue by citing particulars. For example, you can say, "I realize I hurt you when I said ..." Once you've taken that step, be as honest as you can about the negative emotions that are continuing to keep you and your husband apart. You might tell him, "When you sleep in another room, I feel lonely and unloved." It's OK if his first response isn't all that you might hope; it's simply an indication of where he's at emotionally. You can move forward by asking him what he heard you say. Then clarify what you meant, and invite him to express his own feelings in greater depth.

Counseling is an important aid in your efforts to get to the heart of the problem. A professional therapist will be able to help you identify destructive relational patterns and avoid them in the future. Our counselors can give you a list of referrals to therapists in your area. You can reach them at 1-800-232-6459.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Single Adult Considers Whether to Adopt an Orphan

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | July 16th, 2017

Q: I'm a single adult who is deeply concerned about the plight of orphans in this country and around the world, and I'd like to do my part by adopting a child who needs a home. What is your advice?

Jim: I applaud your selfless attitude and your willingness to welcome a needy child into your home; the need for more adoptive parents is huge.

That said, Focus on the Family remains committed to the ideal that the two-parent home -- founded on a loving marriage relationship between one man and one woman -- is the optimum environment for every child. This is our Creator's design for the family, and we're convinced that it's the best arrangement for all concerned. Studies overwhelmingly demonstrate that children do best in all measurable ways when they're in stable homes with a mother and a father.

That's why -- and as most single moms and dads would be the first to confirm -- single-parenting is a stiff challenge even under the most favorable circumstances. So I would counsel anyone who is considering this option to proceed with great care.

Furthermore, moms and dads are innately different. Academic research has demonstrated the importance of a father's protective influence, especially for boys. Mothers provide nurturing and emotional comfort that brings security. Both gender roles are of immeasurable significance, and an individual must consider how to address these concerns in a creative and intentional way as he or she evaluates whether to become a single parent.

It's also important to make a careful assessment of your resources. Are you financially capable of providing for a child's material needs? Will you have the support of friends and extended family? Have you thought about education, values training and child care? Are your current living quarters large enough to accommodate another person?

Our staff counselors would be happy to talk with you about these issues and any other concerns you may have. Please call them at 1-800-232-6459. I wish you the best.

Q: I'm trying to educate our 14-year-old daughter about "best practices" for social media before we let her create her own account(s). I like to get input from various sources. What would you suggest?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: First, I commend you for being intentional to educate your daughter on how best to navigate today's social media. I compiled a list that I've entitled "The Top-10 Social Media Rules" for all ages, but most are especially applicable for teens:

1) Always be kind -- treat others the way you want to be treated.

2) View social media as a way to give; consider how things you post can benefit others.

3) Set privacy settings, including location.

4) Don't chat/message someone you don't personally know in the "real" world.

5) Please, no sleaze! Modesty trumps "likes" when posting photos. (And remember that everything you post will be available for future "significant others" -- and employers -- to see.)

6) Nothing should be truly private. Know your children's passwords and convey that you'll be friending them and reading their posts. Be sure your kids can read yours, too.

7) Refuse to share a post that you haven't personally verified; that free dinner may just be a scam.

8) Limit your social media consumption/posting to just a few times per day, with parental input.

9) Avoid crudities, vulgarities, profanities or symbols for such. Don't say it online if you wouldn't say it to someone's face.

10) Re-read carefully before you post -- without facial expressions and personal contact, the best-intended post may be misinterpreted.

I'd suggest cutting out this list and discussing each guideline with your daughter, then placing it somewhere visible for reference.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Talk to Your Teens About Marriage to Prepare Them for Adulthood

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | July 9th, 2017

Q: My son and daughter are 15 and 13, respectively. I'm trying to cover all the bases in helping them prepare for adulthood. Is there something you've seen parents neglect or just forget to talk about?

Jim: Parents rightfully want teenagers to learn important life lessons -- financial management, work ethic, etc. And those are good things to teach to our children. But there's another topic moms and dads often overlook: marriage!

You're probably thinking: "Talk to my teenagers about marriage? I'm just hoping to get them through the dating years in one piece!" But conversations about marriage aren't something that should be ignored in the teen years.

Marriage is an enormous commitment, and yet parents generally do very little to prepare their kids for it. That's why I think it's best to weave healthy principles about marriage throughout a child's upbringing. Boys should be taught from a young age what it means to serve their wife, to honor her and to treat her with dignity. Girls should learn the value of motherhood and how marriage can enhance her identity as a woman, rather than detract from it.

Values like these can even have a positive impact on single young adults. They'll be better equipped to have a healthy dating life. And they'll also be more likely to wait for the right relationship, instead of jumping into the first thing that comes along.

So don't wait until your kids are deeply entrenched in a romantic relationship before talking to them about marriage. Proactively teach them how to have a healthy relationship, so they'll be able to make a good decision when it counts.

For more tips to help your family thrive at all stages of life, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: How can we help our 2-year-old adjust to having a new baby sister? He whines and cries for Mommy (me) all the time, and lately he's been misbehaving as a way of getting our attention. Is this normal?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Yes, it's perfectly normal. Your older child has been the center of attention in your family. Now a screaming, crying little stranger has suddenly appeared on the scene and upset his world, demanding huge amounts of your time and attention. It's only natural that he feels a bit put out.

There are several strategies you can adopt to smooth the transition. First, it's important for Dad to take an active, involved role with both toddler and baby. When you're nursing or tending to the infant, your husband could engage the older child in some kind of fun one-on-one activity, giving the boy his full attention. On the other side of the coin, Dad could give you frequent breaks by changing, rocking, burping and generally helping care for the baby whenever possible. That will enable you to also spend some special time with your toddler each day.

Many parents notice some regressive behavior on the part of their toddler after a new baby arrives. For example, the child may try to climb into the infant's crib or suddenly forget his potty training skills. One way to counter this is to affirm your toddler for his "grown-up" capabilities and to point out some of the advantages of being older. You might say something like, "You're such a big boy now! You can go to the park and ride on the swings. The baby is too little to do that." Your older child needs to be reassured that he's special and unique. So let him know that you love him and praise him generously when he's helpful or kind toward the baby.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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