Q: My wife and I are expecting our first child. I'm excited to be a dad, but also intimidated. My father wasn't a good role model, so I feel pretty clueless about this whole parenting thing. Can you help?

Jim: Author Kent Nerburn once said, "It is much easier to become a father than to be one." Maybe that's one of the reasons why so many dads feel overwhelmed.

It's easy for dads to feel like they're in over their heads. When your 6-month-old baby starts wailing, you can't make him stop. When your son is failing algebra, you can't make him pass. If your daughter gets bullied, you can't just make all of her hurt feelings disappear. It's much slower, subtle work.

All of which, of course, can make fatherhood so frustrating. In our professional lives, dads frequently hold the reins and make things happen. But parenting often strips fathers of that control. Fatherhood isn't like being a mechanic, as much as we might want it to be. We can't fix things with the simple turn of a socket wrench. Even worse, sometimes we don't know if what we're doing is even working.

Being a successful dad starts by learning your role. Don't try to force your kids down a certain path in life. You have to walk alongside and encourage them in their journey. It's a process that takes a lot more patience, time and commitment than many men are used to.

But at its heart, fatherhood is a relationship. So, remember, gently coaching your kids is the essence of what you're aiming for. Be a coach, cheerleader and champion of your child. For plenty of parenting tips and advice, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: How can I tell whether or not my child is actually addicted to video and computer games? He spends a lot of time gaming, but it's hard to know whether it's really that serious of a problem.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: When it comes to addictive behavior of any kind, it's better to be safe than sorry. Researchers at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, studied hundreds of video-game-addiction cases. They found that addicted gamers' lives are always significantly disrupted by the games.

That's what you want to watch out for: disruption. Several symptoms of addiction can help indicate if your son's gaming has become something more than just a hobby. These include:

-- A lack of balance, and inability to stop the activity.

-- Isolation, neglecting or lying to family and friends.

-- Problems with school or a job.

-- Weight gain, back issues, carpal tunnel syndrome.

-- Irritability, defending the use of video games at all costs.

-- Ignoring personal hygiene.

-- Changes or disturbances in sleep patterns.

If you notice such signs, get tougher about time limits and actively monitor screen time. It's easier to enforce boundaries if the gaming console or computer is centrally located in your home -- keep it out of the bedroom. If your son is losing sleep, or his grades are slipping, you may need to get rid of the equipment entirely.

Admittedly, these conversations are not easy. If your son is clearly obsessed with the game and acts out with severe hostility when unable to play, you may need to seek professional assistance. Our staff counselors can help with a brief consultation and a referral to a local therapist; call 1-800-232-6459 for more information.

Counseling can uncover underlying problems that may be contributing to an addiction. However, in most cases, gaming can be controlled with consistent enforcement of limits. The goal is teaching your son decision-making and balance in life, not making him happy. Setting limits is loving, even when there's some conflict involved.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Should I consider remarrying my ex-spouse for the sake of our child? We recently got divorced, but over the past few weeks I've become increasingly concerned about the impact of this family breakup upon our preschooler. As the dust settles, I wonder if maybe we could have made a better go of it.

Jim: Divorce often involves plenty of anger and bitterness. If your ex-spouse has no desire to continue the relationship, there probably isn't much that can be done to change this.

However, if you are both willing to lay those feelings aside and move beyond the hurts and resentments of the past, there's a chance you could put your relationship back together again. You're correct in thinking this would be in your child's best interests.

When separation or divorce occurs, it's common for each of the spouses to focus on the changes the other party needs to make, rather than engaging in the frank self-evaluation that is always necessary for genuine growth and healing. Are you aware of ways that you may have contributed to the breakup of your marriage? Examine yourself honestly to see clearly into your own intentions, motives and blind spots. A divorce recovery class, possibly at a local church, can be very helpful in this regard.

If your former spouse is willing to undergo the same rigorous process of self-examination, the time may eventually arrive when the two of you are ready to seek counseling together. At that point, you can begin to take some definite steps toward restoring your marriage. This will take time, patience, and a great deal of wisdom and discernment. But I believe your efforts can be successful if both of you are prepared to do the hard work required.

Our staff counselors would be happy to help. Call 1-800-232-6459 or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: How can we help our 4-year-old overcome her fears about going to sleep in the dark? We've tried everything -- an established bedtime, a night-light in the bedroom, books, prayers, songs -- but nothing seems to help.

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: My kids were also scared of the dark when they were young; it's fairly common for small children. Their imaginations are developing quickly and they can have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality. Your daughter is probably going through a phase and will outgrow it in time.

First, ask yourself if there have been any recent changes at home or preschool that could have precipitated the fear. Then ask your daughter what she sees, and what looks, sounds or feels scary to her -- and what would help her feel safe. Help her train her imagination to think of fun, creative stories that have some excitement and end well. If she sees a monster in her mind, have her draw it the next day and dress it up to make it funny and friendly. Give the critter a name and make up goofy stories about it.

If this isn't working after a week or two, try other methods. A night-light in the room or hall is great, but make sure it doesn't cast any scary shadows on the wall. My daughter loved having several stuffed animals strategically placed on guard, including one special "bedtime buddy." My son enjoyed listening to soothing music just before falling asleep. Each child is different, so what may work for one may not work for the other; you'll need to be creative. The goal is to help channel the youngster's imagination that can quickly be controlled by fear.

Finally, teach your daughter simple ways to talk to God if she wakes up in the night. He cares deeply for her.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I studied art in college and married before graduation. Four years later, I spend my time preparing meals, wiping the noses of jelly-faced toddlers and mopping the kitchen floor -- while my still-single sorority sisters have thriving careers in graphic design and other artistic disciplines. I love my kids, but ... I admit I'm somewhat jealous. Should I just abandon those artistic dreams? That part of my life seems long gone.

Jim: I'd like to answer with an illustration you might not have considered. As many starving writers, painters and musicians will tell you, art matters a great deal whether or not it generates commercial success. It matters because it flows directly out of our humanity; we were created to create.

In that context, I'd suggest that as a homemaker -- a nurturer of children and shaper of an environment in which they can grow, thrive and flourish -- you're a creative artist of the highest degree. Your present medium may not be clay or paint or an iPad, but impressionable young human lives. You're sculpting character every day.

Furthermore, as your children grow, you're well equipped to help them discover their gifts and talents. You can guide them in developing their own forms of artistic expression -- and create right along with them.

As they progress through school, you may have opportunity to slip into the workforce or pursue formal art as a hobby. Schedule "me time" each week, starting now, to pursue your artistic passion. But regardless, being a mom is a high calling -- and the lives you shape have more value than any painting ever could. In fact, you might be surprised how many of your "successful sorority sisters" are likely jealous of you.

Q: With two preschoolers in the house, it seems like my wife and I seldom connect anymore. She always talks about how tired she is after being with the kids all day. What can I do to reinforce our relationship?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When you arrive home after your long, tiring day, remember that your wife has had an equally long, tiring day. She needs two things most of all: (a) adult conversation, including overt appreciation for her efforts, and (b) an adult pair of hands to pitch in, take charge of the children, wrangle dirty clothes or other debris, or begin any other activity to lighten her load. Beyond that, here are some tips:

1. Don't expect to be taken care of like another child in the house. Pick up your own clothes and toys.

2. Don't expect much sexual response if your wife is exhausted and you haven't set the mood during the course of the evening. Remember, sex begins in the kitchen -- with meaningful conversation, compliments, acts of kindness and some elbow grease applied to helping reduce her to-do list.

3. Get involved in (or even take over) the process of getting your kids ready for bed. It will help you stay connected with them, and do wonders for your wife's frame of mind.

4. Maintain a regular date night -- a meal (fancy or otherwise), a concert, a walk, whatever your imagination and budget can manage -- in which the focus is conversation and companionship. Make it a point to keep your wife current on your day's activities and find out about hers.

5. Take her away for a romantic weekend, or even dinner and an overnight stay, at a pleasant location where her daily responsibilities are suspended. (With planning and creativity, this doesn't have to be expensive.)

6. Call or text her during the day to offer an encouraging word or simply say, "I love you."

7. Flowers and gifts for no particular reason speak volumes.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.