Q: I was adopted as I child. I can't help wondering -- why did my mom give me up? Why would any mom put her child up for adoption? I've been aware of the situation since I was small, and on the whole I'm very happy with my life, but I can't get away from nagging thoughts and doubts about my birth mother; like, didn't she care enough about me to raise me herself? How can I process these feelings?

Jim: It's easy to understand why you're continuing to struggle with these kinds of questions. Almost every adopted child goes through the same experience. You need to understand that under certain circumstances it can be very difficult -- even impossible -- for a woman to bring up a child. Perhaps your birth father was not living at the time. Maybe he had gone away and left your mother alone. In either case, she may not have had enough money to provide for you, or she might have been in ill health.

There might have been any number of reasons why your birth mother chose adoption, and felt it best to be out of the picture. It's especially difficult if there's little or no way to find out anything about her background, heritage or circumstances.

Obviously, we aren't in a position to know the facts. But there is one thing I do know: Your birth mother must have loved you very much -- enough to give you life and make sure you were raised in a loving home where you would be well cared for. She made a courageous choice. Maybe someday you'll find the answers to your questions. But for now, hang on to that.

If you'd like to discuss your feelings at greater length, our counselors would be happy to help. Call 1-800-232-6459 or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My girlfriend and I know we want to be together long-term. But we both grew up in broken homes, and we dread the thought of divorce if things go sour. It seems safer to just live together. We know other couples who seem happy with that approach, so why shouldn't we do the same?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It saddens me that so many people think the best way to avoid the pain of divorce is to skip marriage entirely. They say they don't need a wedding ring or a piece of paper to prove they're in love.

Living together outside of marriage is nothing new, so there's plenty of research available to help determine if skipping the wedding really helps couples stay together. As a Christian, I think there are solid moral arguments against cohabitating. But even for those who don't share that worldview, the weight of the evidence shows that the odds are against couples who don't make a formal commitment to one another. Studies also indicate that cohabitating undermines the chances of future marital success.

It's not feelings of love that makes a marriage endure, but commitment. Every relationship will encounter ups and downs, and there may even be times when the two of you don't like each other very much. One study showed that married couples are 10 times more likely to stay together through difficult stretches than those who cohabitate.

Married couples are also happier on average. That's because a thriving commitment helps husbands and wives feel safe with each other, and that enables them to build deeper love and intimacy. As the song says: "Put a ring on it."

If you really want to avoid the pain of divorce, the answer isn't to skip marriage altogether, but to commit to marriage wholeheartedly. That's how you build a relationship that will last.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son is in the military, and he's now stationed overseas with his family. We realize that for the next few years we won't see our grandchildren in person as often as we're accustomed. We're going to miss a lot of key moments in their lives. How can we stay connected and engaged with them?

Jim: One writer called grandparenting the greatest job on earth, handed to you wrapped in a blanket. But staying in touch can take a lot more work these days. Families used to reside in the same community for generations, but not anymore -- and of course, situations like the one you described have always been tough. Here are a few ideas:

First, if your grandkids are old enough to be involved in social media, join them. Send emails, exchange text messages and friend them on Facebook. These can be some of the best connection tools available.

Second, embrace technology. It's easy to video-call over the internet. This gives you and your grandkids a good way to bridge the miles and "see" each other. Ask questions about their friends, school and sports activities. You might even want to take notes, so you'll know what to talk about the next time you call.

Third, send the occasional surprise "love package." It doesn't have to be expensive. Try coloring books, or chewing gum, flower seeds, Easter candy, puzzles and so on. It's a terrific way to say, "I miss you and love you."

Fourth, consider giving each grandchild a gift subscription to an age-appropriate magazine -- and doubling up a copy for yourself. When each issue arrives, you can discuss it by video or phone call, read articles together, etc. Younger kids may enjoy doing hands-on puzzles and activities "with" you as you chat. (See FocusOnTheFamily.com for various publications.)

Grandparenting across the miles takes a little effort, but it's worth it. You and your grandchildren will be the richer for it.

Q: We have some friends who don't think twice about taking their young children with them when they go see PG-13 or even R-rated films. They argue that it's cheaper to bring the kids than to get a baby sitter for the evening. Am I right in being concerned?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: One of the most baffling things to me about parenting today is that many dads and moms who would take a bullet for their young children don't think twice about taking those kids to movies that could cause serious emotional and spiritual damage and influence them in untold negative ways.

At a recent screening of a film I knew was going to contain problematic content, I asked the mother next to me, "Since you haven't seen this movie, do you worry that some of the messages onscreen will be detrimental to your child?" Her response was telling. The mom made a sweeping gesture and said, "Look at all the children here." In other words, her justification had nothing to do with the welfare of her child, but simply the fact that she wasn't alone in her decision.

I believe responsible parenting involves being informed about what your kids might be exposed to before it happens. It's not enough to buy into the "logic" that just because so many parents do it, it's OK. Numerous studies have shown that movies often act as a "super-teacher." And let's be honest here, Hollywood is not the super-teacher most of us really want for our children.

To help parents make informed decisions, PluggedIn.com offers comprehensive reviews of movies, TV, music and video games before you watch, listen or play.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: What is it about preteen boys not wanting to bathe? My 10-year-old will run around playing and sweat buckets, but sees no reason to take a shower afterward. This frustrated Mom just doesn't understand. How can I keep our house (and especially his room) from becoming increasingly pungent?

Jim: The first thing is to be patient. Body odor is like a rite of passage into manhood for many boys. I'll never forget a mom who told me about her 10-year-old son, who said to her, "Hey, Mom. Smell my armpit. I think I'm going into poverty." Of course, he meant "puberty." He didn't know the right word, but he knew that odd smell meant he was growing into a man.

You'll probably have to require your son to bathe in the same way you require him to do his chores and homework. At that age, a lot of boys just don't get it. It's like the time I told one of my sons, "You could use a bath -- you kinda stink." He actually looked at me and said, "Really?" He couldn't smell himself (scientists call this olfactory adaptation), so there was no reason to think anyone else could.

But here's the good news I've learned with my own boys: Positive peer pressure will fix a lot. As they get older, they'll start to notice girls, and they'll notice girls noticing them. Suddenly, the need to shower, brush their teeth and comb their hair will take on new significance.

Until then, hand your son the soap and a towel and point him toward the shower. And here's one more tip: If the direct approach ("you smell") is required, it can be more effective coming from Dad or Grandpa, if possible.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I don't argue often, but when we do I sometimes find myself spiraling into negative thoughts about her. Is there a practical way to keep myself from going there?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My father, the late Gary Smalley, was a renowned relationship expert whose insights have helped millions. But he and my mom, Norma, still had their occasional "moments."

One Thanksgiving, my parents got into a huge argument. They were both so frustrated that they each retreated to different parts of the house. After a few minutes, I followed Dad to his study and found him at his computer. I was surprised to see him reading a document entitled "Why Norma Is So Valuable."

When I asked him about it, he said, "Years ago I started a list of why your mom is valuable. So when I'm upset with her or when we've had a fight, I've learned that instead of sitting here thinking about how hurt or frustrated I am, I make myself read through this list." This amazing document contained hundreds of words and phrases describing my mom's value.

This is the best idea I've ever heard of for cherishing your mate. Think about why she is so valuable to you and simply begin to write. For example, you might list character traits, gender differences, talents, personal values, parenting skills, personality characteristics, physical traits, the roles she plays that you appreciate, honorable ways in which she treats you and so on.

Be sure to keep this list handy so you can periodically add to it and revise it when you need to remember your spouse's value. When the tense moments come and you need to refocus, stop and read the list. Also, don't keep it to yourself -- share it with your wife.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.