Q: What is it about preteen boys not wanting to bathe? My 10-year-old will run around playing and sweat buckets, but sees no reason to take a shower afterward. This frustrated Mom just doesn't understand. How can I keep our house (and especially his room) from becoming increasingly pungent?

Jim: The first thing is to be patient. Body odor is like a rite of passage into manhood for many boys. I'll never forget a mom who told me about her 10-year-old son, who said to her, "Hey, Mom. Smell my armpit. I think I'm going into poverty." Of course, he meant "puberty." He didn't know the right word, but he knew that odd smell meant he was growing into a man.

You'll probably have to require your son to bathe in the same way you require him to do his chores and homework. At that age, a lot of boys just don't get it. It's like the time I told one of my sons, "You could use a bath -- you kinda stink." He actually looked at me and said, "Really?" He couldn't smell himself (scientists call this olfactory adaptation), so there was no reason to think anyone else could.

But here's the good news I've learned with my own boys: Positive peer pressure will fix a lot. As they get older, they'll start to notice girls, and they'll notice girls noticing them. Suddenly, the need to shower, brush their teeth and comb their hair will take on new significance.

Until then, hand your son the soap and a towel and point him toward the shower. And here's one more tip: If the direct approach ("you smell") is required, it can be more effective coming from Dad or Grandpa, if possible.

For more tips to help your children thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I don't argue often, but when we do I sometimes find myself spiraling into negative thoughts about her. Is there a practical way to keep myself from going there?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My father, the late Gary Smalley, was a renowned relationship expert whose insights have helped millions. But he and my mom, Norma, still had their occasional "moments."

One Thanksgiving, my parents got into a huge argument. They were both so frustrated that they each retreated to different parts of the house. After a few minutes, I followed Dad to his study and found him at his computer. I was surprised to see him reading a document entitled "Why Norma Is So Valuable."

When I asked him about it, he said, "Years ago I started a list of why your mom is valuable. So when I'm upset with her or when we've had a fight, I've learned that instead of sitting here thinking about how hurt or frustrated I am, I make myself read through this list." This amazing document contained hundreds of words and phrases describing my mom's value.

This is the best idea I've ever heard of for cherishing your mate. Think about why she is so valuable to you and simply begin to write. For example, you might list character traits, gender differences, talents, personal values, parenting skills, personality characteristics, physical traits, the roles she plays that you appreciate, honorable ways in which she treats you and so on.

Be sure to keep this list handy so you can periodically add to it and revise it when you need to remember your spouse's value. When the tense moments come and you need to refocus, stop and read the list. Also, don't keep it to yourself -- share it with your wife.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I really struggle with insecurity. I feel stuck in destructive patterns and unhealthy relationships. I want to change, but can't ever seem to gather the courage to break free. What can I do?

Jim: Our insecurities are a weakness, but make no mistake: They have great power. In fact, they're a key reason many people stay trapped in a cycle of dysfunction and misery.

Most of our insecurities are simply a nuisance. We may question our attractiveness, drive a car we're self-conscious about or struggle with public speaking. It's the kind of stuff that makes us feel awkward at social gatherings, but otherwise, it doesn't hold much influence over our life.

But some people struggle with insecurities that tap into a deep well of fear. It drives their thinking and keeps them stuck in painful situations. It can feel especially overwhelming when the only solution a person knows is willpower. But "white-knuckling" it and simply trying harder is rarely effective. You need outside help.

Some anxieties can be eased with the support and encouragement of friends, who reassure you in times of weakness. But other fears are too deeply entrenched and can only be overcome with professional help. And let's not ignore the spiritual component. I personally believe that we can never be fully secure until we have a relationship with the Creator who uniquely designed each of us as individuals.

With the guiding hand of a qualified counselor, you can not only rebuild your self-image but learn how to replace fear with confidence. Take heart -- there is hope for healing. To speak with one of our staff counselors, or to find a therapist in your area, call us at 1-800-232-6459, or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Q: I know our two teenagers can be fairly vocal, but I have a hard time getting them to say anything when they get home each day. I'll ask, "How was school today?" and the best I get is usually an anemic "Fine." How can I get them to open up?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: If you'd like to open the door of conversation a little wider for your teen -- or really, anyone -- to walk through, remember these two simple ideas: Ask about something specific, and don't ask "yes" or "no" questions.

Say something like, "Tell me about that group project you're doing," or, "What drills did your coach make you run at practice today?" Questions like these narrow your child's focus and present the opportunity to offer you actual information.

Also, be prepared to engage them, no matter how they respond. If they say, "I hate math," or, "School is stupid," don't dismiss that. Lean in and pursue the topic. Ask them to share what's on their mind -- then listen carefully and patiently. The best way to get others to open up is to connect at the point where life is most real for them.

It's worth noting that we adults often forget (sometimes deliberately) how stressful middle and high school can be. Teens are overloaded with changes happening inside as well as all around them. The school setting can be socially exhausting for some students. They want grace, understanding, a sense of worth and belonging -- and unconditional love.

Occasionally, your kids may feel like leaving their day in the rearview mirror as much as you might. So be sensitive and allow them space when they need it. The rest of the time, find out what's important that day and connect with them over it. As you establish a climate of caring concern, you'll find that they're more apt to initiate meaningful conversation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I remarried about four years ago, and initially everything seemed to be going well between my son and his stepfather. But since my son reached puberty, conflict has developed into open hostility between them. How do I choose between these two men in my life?

Jim: What you're describing is fairly common in stepfamilies. We all know that conflict often erupts between a child and parents when adolescence arrives. Toss in divided loyalties and confused roles, and the process becomes much more complicated in stepfamilies.

First off, avoid thinking in terms of "choosing" between your husband and your son. Rather than framing this as an "either-or" situation, I suggest you approach it as a "both-and." Don't take sides. Instead, try to rise above the conflict and help each party see things from the other's perspective.

Meanwhile, there's another important principle to keep in mind. In every stepfamily situation, the husband and wife need to make their marriage a priority. If you allow parenting conflicts to pull you apart, it won't just hurt your relationship with each other. It's also the worst thing you can do for your kids.

So make up your minds as parents to act as a unified team. Sit down with your son and let him know exactly what you expect of him. Discuss the rules he'll be expected to follow and agree on the consequences he'll face if he breaks those rules. Remember that as the biological parent, you should be taking the lead when it comes to discipline. If you're always assuming the role of the "good cop," you're forcing your husband to play the "bad cop." That arrangement is sure to drive a permanent wedge between him and your son.

If you have further questions, our counselors at Focus on the Family would be happy to help. Don't hesitate to call them at (800) A-FAMILY (800-232-6459), or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I just recently got married, and now I'm finding that I don't get along with my husband's friends. In fact, I'm not sure I even like them at all. What can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When a person marries, they don't just gain a spouse, they inherit that person's entire social network of friends. And that can sometimes create a challenging (or even awkward) situation.

The question to ask is: Why do you not like your husband's friends? Is it a case of "the guys" acting irresponsibly or doing things you can't condone? Worse yet, does your husband sometimes get pulled into that behavior as well? If so, then you have a legitimate concern, and your husband should take responsibility for bringing resolution to that disagreement. It may require him to make some tough decisions about whether these friendships are worth maintaining. Of course, this is the kind of issue that can easily erupt into conflict between a couple. If you find that happening, be sure to speak to a counselor.

On the other hand, what if you simply have different tastes and interests than your husband's friends? In that case, it's up to you to do the hard work of getting to know them and finding some common ground on which to build a relationship. That may be a real struggle at first. But if you think of it as a way to strengthen your relationship with your husband, you'll find it easier to be patient with his friends. And if they're married themselves, definitely try to build friendships with their wives. Who knows? Maybe you'll even learn to enjoy and embrace them all one day.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.