Q: I really struggle with insecurity. I feel stuck in destructive patterns and unhealthy relationships. I want to change, but can't ever seem to gather the courage to break free. What can I do?

Jim: Our insecurities are a weakness, but make no mistake: They have great power. In fact, they're a key reason many people stay trapped in a cycle of dysfunction and misery.

Most of our insecurities are simply a nuisance. We may question our attractiveness, drive a car we're self-conscious about or struggle with public speaking. It's the kind of stuff that makes us feel awkward at social gatherings, but otherwise, it doesn't hold much influence over our life.

But some people struggle with insecurities that tap into a deep well of fear. It drives their thinking and keeps them stuck in painful situations. It can feel especially overwhelming when the only solution a person knows is willpower. But "white-knuckling" it and simply trying harder is rarely effective. You need outside help.

Some anxieties can be eased with the support and encouragement of friends, who reassure you in times of weakness. But other fears are too deeply entrenched and can only be overcome with professional help. And let's not ignore the spiritual component. I personally believe that we can never be fully secure until we have a relationship with the Creator who uniquely designed each of us as individuals.

With the guiding hand of a qualified counselor, you can not only rebuild your self-image but learn how to replace fear with confidence. Take heart -- there is hope for healing. To speak with one of our staff counselors, or to find a therapist in your area, call us at 1-800-232-6459, or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Q: I know our two teenagers can be fairly vocal, but I have a hard time getting them to say anything when they get home each day. I'll ask, "How was school today?" and the best I get is usually an anemic "Fine." How can I get them to open up?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: If you'd like to open the door of conversation a little wider for your teen -- or really, anyone -- to walk through, remember these two simple ideas: Ask about something specific, and don't ask "yes" or "no" questions.

Say something like, "Tell me about that group project you're doing," or, "What drills did your coach make you run at practice today?" Questions like these narrow your child's focus and present the opportunity to offer you actual information.

Also, be prepared to engage them, no matter how they respond. If they say, "I hate math," or, "School is stupid," don't dismiss that. Lean in and pursue the topic. Ask them to share what's on their mind -- then listen carefully and patiently. The best way to get others to open up is to connect at the point where life is most real for them.

It's worth noting that we adults often forget (sometimes deliberately) how stressful middle and high school can be. Teens are overloaded with changes happening inside as well as all around them. The school setting can be socially exhausting for some students. They want grace, understanding, a sense of worth and belonging -- and unconditional love.

Occasionally, your kids may feel like leaving their day in the rearview mirror as much as you might. So be sensitive and allow them space when they need it. The rest of the time, find out what's important that day and connect with them over it. As you establish a climate of caring concern, you'll find that they're more apt to initiate meaningful conversation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I remarried about four years ago, and initially everything seemed to be going well between my son and his stepfather. But since my son reached puberty, conflict has developed into open hostility between them. How do I choose between these two men in my life?

Jim: What you're describing is fairly common in stepfamilies. We all know that conflict often erupts between a child and parents when adolescence arrives. Toss in divided loyalties and confused roles, and the process becomes much more complicated in stepfamilies.

First off, avoid thinking in terms of "choosing" between your husband and your son. Rather than framing this as an "either-or" situation, I suggest you approach it as a "both-and." Don't take sides. Instead, try to rise above the conflict and help each party see things from the other's perspective.

Meanwhile, there's another important principle to keep in mind. In every stepfamily situation, the husband and wife need to make their marriage a priority. If you allow parenting conflicts to pull you apart, it won't just hurt your relationship with each other. It's also the worst thing you can do for your kids.

So make up your minds as parents to act as a unified team. Sit down with your son and let him know exactly what you expect of him. Discuss the rules he'll be expected to follow and agree on the consequences he'll face if he breaks those rules. Remember that as the biological parent, you should be taking the lead when it comes to discipline. If you're always assuming the role of the "good cop," you're forcing your husband to play the "bad cop." That arrangement is sure to drive a permanent wedge between him and your son.

If you have further questions, our counselors at Focus on the Family would be happy to help. Don't hesitate to call them at (800) A-FAMILY (800-232-6459), or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I just recently got married, and now I'm finding that I don't get along with my husband's friends. In fact, I'm not sure I even like them at all. What can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When a person marries, they don't just gain a spouse, they inherit that person's entire social network of friends. And that can sometimes create a challenging (or even awkward) situation.

The question to ask is: Why do you not like your husband's friends? Is it a case of "the guys" acting irresponsibly or doing things you can't condone? Worse yet, does your husband sometimes get pulled into that behavior as well? If so, then you have a legitimate concern, and your husband should take responsibility for bringing resolution to that disagreement. It may require him to make some tough decisions about whether these friendships are worth maintaining. Of course, this is the kind of issue that can easily erupt into conflict between a couple. If you find that happening, be sure to speak to a counselor.

On the other hand, what if you simply have different tastes and interests than your husband's friends? In that case, it's up to you to do the hard work of getting to know them and finding some common ground on which to build a relationship. That may be a real struggle at first. But if you think of it as a way to strengthen your relationship with your husband, you'll find it easier to be patient with his friends. And if they're married themselves, definitely try to build friendships with their wives. Who knows? Maybe you'll even learn to enjoy and embrace them all one day.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I get out from under a hopeless amount of credit card debt? I'm spending more than I'm earning every month, and sinking deeper and deeper into the hole. Help?

Jim: At this point, your greatest enemy is inertia. The worst thing would be to allow the momentum of the pattern you're in, and your personal fears, to carry you further into financial bondage.

So what you should do is whatever it takes. Begin by attacking both the income and the expense sides of your financial equation. If possible, take extra work/jobs. Sell as many of your possessions as you can stand to part with. Cut spending to the bone. Deny yourself small pleasures and luxuries. You'll be glad you did once you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If your situation is really desperate, you may have to sell an asset (or several) that you prize dearly and "downsize." Another strategy would entail increasing your monthly payments while destroying your credit cards (i.e., no further debt). Choose your highest spending priority -- savings, debt reduction, etc. -- and make those payments first in order to accomplish at least one financial goal each month. Your remaining expenses will then have to fall within your remaining monthly funds. That's a "de facto" budget.

Most of all, be encouraged. No matter how hopeless your situation appears, it can be improved -- often with very small and simple initial steps. Poor finances can make a person feel bad about every aspect of his life. That's why it's so important to do something, however insignificant that something may seem, to begin reversing the trend. The effort will give you a sense of accomplishment, self-worth and control. Once you're moving in the right direction, you can build on your success by learning how to spend less than you earn over a long period of time.

Our website (noted below) has plenty of information and referrals for good financial practices. And if you'd like to discuss your situation with our Counseling Department, call 800-232-6459. I wish you the best.

Q: I'm a single mom with four young children. I think I'm ready to start dating again. My kids need a dad, and I'd love to have a husband. But I'm scared this marriage will end up like my last one. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My heart goes out to you; your situation is common for many single mothers. Finding the right husband and a good father for your children could mean a whole new future for all of you. On the other hand, the wrong person could make the challenges you're facing even worse.

My advice is to move forward very carefully. Dating when you have children can be complicated. Don't be tempted to rush into a serious relationship. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, not something to make a rash decision about. Let relationships develop naturally, and make sure your friends and family help you notice potential character flaws about the men you date that you might not otherwise see.

Also, keep this in mind: It can be traumatic for children when a parent cycles through one relationship after another. So if you choose to date, be diligent about protecting your children's hearts. If you do get married someday, the man you're with will not only be marrying you, but your children as well. It's worth the trouble it takes to slow down and find someone who will treat them -- and you -- with the love and respect you deserve.

For more tips on all these issues, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.