Q: I remarried about four years ago, and initially everything seemed to be going well between my son and his stepfather. But since my son reached puberty, conflict has developed into open hostility between them. How do I choose between these two men in my life?

Jim: What you're describing is fairly common in stepfamilies. We all know that conflict often erupts between a child and parents when adolescence arrives. Toss in divided loyalties and confused roles, and the process becomes much more complicated in stepfamilies.

First off, avoid thinking in terms of "choosing" between your husband and your son. Rather than framing this as an "either-or" situation, I suggest you approach it as a "both-and." Don't take sides. Instead, try to rise above the conflict and help each party see things from the other's perspective.

Meanwhile, there's another important principle to keep in mind. In every stepfamily situation, the husband and wife need to make their marriage a priority. If you allow parenting conflicts to pull you apart, it won't just hurt your relationship with each other. It's also the worst thing you can do for your kids.

So make up your minds as parents to act as a unified team. Sit down with your son and let him know exactly what you expect of him. Discuss the rules he'll be expected to follow and agree on the consequences he'll face if he breaks those rules. Remember that as the biological parent, you should be taking the lead when it comes to discipline. If you're always assuming the role of the "good cop," you're forcing your husband to play the "bad cop." That arrangement is sure to drive a permanent wedge between him and your son.

If you have further questions, our counselors at Focus on the Family would be happy to help. Don't hesitate to call them at (800) A-FAMILY (800-232-6459), or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I just recently got married, and now I'm finding that I don't get along with my husband's friends. In fact, I'm not sure I even like them at all. What can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: When a person marries, they don't just gain a spouse, they inherit that person's entire social network of friends. And that can sometimes create a challenging (or even awkward) situation.

The question to ask is: Why do you not like your husband's friends? Is it a case of "the guys" acting irresponsibly or doing things you can't condone? Worse yet, does your husband sometimes get pulled into that behavior as well? If so, then you have a legitimate concern, and your husband should take responsibility for bringing resolution to that disagreement. It may require him to make some tough decisions about whether these friendships are worth maintaining. Of course, this is the kind of issue that can easily erupt into conflict between a couple. If you find that happening, be sure to speak to a counselor.

On the other hand, what if you simply have different tastes and interests than your husband's friends? In that case, it's up to you to do the hard work of getting to know them and finding some common ground on which to build a relationship. That may be a real struggle at first. But if you think of it as a way to strengthen your relationship with your husband, you'll find it easier to be patient with his friends. And if they're married themselves, definitely try to build friendships with their wives. Who knows? Maybe you'll even learn to enjoy and embrace them all one day.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: How can I get out from under a hopeless amount of credit card debt? I'm spending more than I'm earning every month, and sinking deeper and deeper into the hole. Help?

Jim: At this point, your greatest enemy is inertia. The worst thing would be to allow the momentum of the pattern you're in, and your personal fears, to carry you further into financial bondage.

So what you should do is whatever it takes. Begin by attacking both the income and the expense sides of your financial equation. If possible, take extra work/jobs. Sell as many of your possessions as you can stand to part with. Cut spending to the bone. Deny yourself small pleasures and luxuries. You'll be glad you did once you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

If your situation is really desperate, you may have to sell an asset (or several) that you prize dearly and "downsize." Another strategy would entail increasing your monthly payments while destroying your credit cards (i.e., no further debt). Choose your highest spending priority -- savings, debt reduction, etc. -- and make those payments first in order to accomplish at least one financial goal each month. Your remaining expenses will then have to fall within your remaining monthly funds. That's a "de facto" budget.

Most of all, be encouraged. No matter how hopeless your situation appears, it can be improved -- often with very small and simple initial steps. Poor finances can make a person feel bad about every aspect of his life. That's why it's so important to do something, however insignificant that something may seem, to begin reversing the trend. The effort will give you a sense of accomplishment, self-worth and control. Once you're moving in the right direction, you can build on your success by learning how to spend less than you earn over a long period of time.

Our website (noted below) has plenty of information and referrals for good financial practices. And if you'd like to discuss your situation with our Counseling Department, call 800-232-6459. I wish you the best.

Q: I'm a single mom with four young children. I think I'm ready to start dating again. My kids need a dad, and I'd love to have a husband. But I'm scared this marriage will end up like my last one. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My heart goes out to you; your situation is common for many single mothers. Finding the right husband and a good father for your children could mean a whole new future for all of you. On the other hand, the wrong person could make the challenges you're facing even worse.

My advice is to move forward very carefully. Dating when you have children can be complicated. Don't be tempted to rush into a serious relationship. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, not something to make a rash decision about. Let relationships develop naturally, and make sure your friends and family help you notice potential character flaws about the men you date that you might not otherwise see.

Also, keep this in mind: It can be traumatic for children when a parent cycles through one relationship after another. So if you choose to date, be diligent about protecting your children's hearts. If you do get married someday, the man you're with will not only be marrying you, but your children as well. It's worth the trouble it takes to slow down and find someone who will treat them -- and you -- with the love and respect you deserve.

For more tips on all these issues, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My husband is having disturbing flashbacks as a result of active combat duty during his time in the military. I'm just starting to learn about post-traumatic stress disorder. His condition has become much worse over the past several weeks, and our entire family is deeply worried. How can we best support him?

Jim: Your family is certainly not alone: PTSD is an increasingly frequent problem in today's war-torn world. And it's understandable that many returning veterans find it difficult to share their emotional pain. In many ways they've been to the brink of hell and back, and they don't want to upset their friends and families by describing their experiences. In addition to this, they assume that only those who've experienced combat can possibly understand and appreciate the significance of their internal struggles. So they keep their mouths shut and stuff their feelings deep down inside.

In many cases the intensity of the emotional suffering endured by a combat veteran far outweighs the pain of any physical injuries he may have sustained in the line of duty. That's not to mention that psychological pain often expresses itself by way of physical or psychosomatic symptoms. Among other things, your husband's flashbacks reflect the very real connection that exists between mind and body.

For this reason, we would strongly suggest that he make an appointment to discuss his condition with a qualified physician at the earliest opportunity (if he hasn't already done so). It's possible that some of the issues he's dealing with can be effectively treated with medication.

We would also recommend that your entire family seek out the services of a licensed counselor. It's important that you walk through this experience together. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department (1-800-232-6459) can provide you with a list of qualified therapists practicing in your area.

Q: In the past two weeks, my 16-year-old daughter has sent or received over 3,000 text messages. So far it hasn't affected her grades, but I worry that this much texting is excessive and unhealthy. What should we do?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: I would agree that this frequency and level of texting is unhealthy. That said, this isn't a single-sided issue, so it's also helpful to look at the matter from your daughter's perspective. Texting is a tool she's using to stay connected with her friends -- and at this stage of life, that connection is vital to her developing sense of personal identity. To some extent, that's completely normal. For her generation, texting is almost like breathing -- kids have a hard time imagining life without it.

In that context, honestly assess the reasons for your anxiety. Is it the texting that bothers you, or is your real concern the quality of the relationships that the texting represents? Use that insight for the foundation of your discussion.

Emphasize that nothing put in text or any other form of social media can be kept absolutely private; that should always be in the forefront of your daughter's mind. Also, remind her of the addictive element inherent to any form of involvement with social media. It's easy for a habit to become an obsession, and for an obsession to become an addiction. So coach her to exercise discretion when texting or connecting with others via the web. Try to agree on reasonable limits and guidelines.

Meanwhile, encourage your daughter to think intentionally about the nature and quality of good relationships. Talk about the important differences between electronic communication and actual face-to-face time with other people. Help her gain perspective so that she, too, can approach the subject of texting from a broader and more knowledgeable point of view.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.