Q: How can I reconnect with my children after divorcing their mother and abandoning them? I regret to say that I walked out on my family several years ago. Since then, I've recognized my mistakes and changed my life (including coming to faith). I'd like to get back in touch with my kids, but they want nothing to do with me. Can you help?

Jim: It's great to hear that you've put your life on a new footing; I encourage you to keep moving in that direction. At the same time -- and as harsh as this sounds -- there's a reason your kids don't want anything to do with you. You abandoned them. We all "reap what we sow," which means dealing with the fallout of our own irresponsibility and selfishness.

You need to be realistic and proceed with caution. Your interest in re-establishing a relationship with your children is understandable and commendable. But you're going to have to earn the right to make that dream come true. This will require patience, humility and a lot of time.

Before doing anything else, you should ask yourself some tough questions: What exactly is behind your desire to reconnect with your children? Do you really have their best interests at heart? Or are you simply trying to get rid of your own feelings of guilt?

Your kids need time and space to reconnect with you. If you sincerely want what's best for them, you should make sure they get it. Let them move toward you at their own pace, which may be cautious and slow. Don't expect to start with personal visits or phone conversations. It would be much better to apologize and ask their forgiveness through letters or email.

Let them know that you understand how much pain and anger they're feeling. Tell them that you will respect their wishes regarding reconciliation. If and when they decide that they're ready to get together with you, you'd be wise to arrange a meeting with the help of an experienced family therapist. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can refer you to a licensed professional in your area; call 800-232-6459.

Q: My marriage is in a rut. I do the same things for my wife over and over, like flowers on Valentine's Day, more out of obligation than anything else. How can I change my mindset?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Most of us have many things we do every day out of obligation, and relatively few that are defined by passion. Obviously, as adults, we perform a variety of daily tasks because some things simply have to get done. But our responsibilities too often overshadow our deeper passions. And that's where problems can begin. Duty and obligation are like bread and water -- they allow us to survive, but that's it. In order to really thrive, we need passion.

So it goes with marriage. We marry for love, romance and dreams. But the practical demands of life often overtake us. Before long, intimacy is replaced by busyness, and the passion we once knew can get lost to the duty of jobs and laundry and the paying of bills.

The good news? Passion can be restored to your marriage. It can be as simple as spending a few minutes sitting on the couch and talking with your wife about the events of the day. Or holding hands on a walk together. Discover (or rediscover) your respective "love languages" and adjust your interaction accordingly. Find ways to connect with your wife's heart and watch her, and your marriage, come alive with passion. For tips and ideas, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I forgive my deceased father for his cruel words and behavior? He treated me horribly when I was a kid, so my relationship with him was strained and distant until the day he died. I never worked things out with him in person, and now I'm struggling with feelings of anger, bitterness, guilt and remorse.

Jim: It's always difficult to lose a family member, but it's even harder when we have unresolved issues with the person who has passed on. Psychologists call this "complicated mourning."

One way to begin working through your complicated mourning is to write a letter to your father as if he were still alive. Try to express the full range of your emotions. Besides the anger, bitterness and guilt, there may be a sense of deep sadness and irretrievable loss, along with frustration that you can't fix things now that he's gone. Put all this down in writing, as clearly and thoroughly as you can. After composing the letter, you might even want to visit your father's grave and read it "to him" there. That's purely symbolic, of course, but some people have found it liberating.

Once this is done, it may also be helpful to see if you can gain some insight into the workings of your father's mind. If possible, talk to your mother and other relatives who knew your dad when he was younger. What kind of relationship did he have with his parents? Did he feel loved and accepted as a child? If not, it's possible that he was simply passing this legacy on to you without fully realizing what he was doing. Sometimes knowledge of another person's background can give us empathy for them. In turn, that empathy can grant us a new perspective on the person's behavior toward us, and start to heal our own psychological wounds.

Above all else, I think there's a very real spiritual component to all of this, so I'd encourage you to talk to a pastor or Christian counselor for further insights. You can start by calling our counseling team at 800-232-6459.

Q: I'm a first-time parent, and my son is just getting to the "toddler tantrum" stage. I'm a bit overwhelmed -- how do I handle these episodes?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: That may depend on the reason for the tantrum. Is your child hungry or tired? If so, offering a snack or a nap may be all it takes to nip a tantrum in the bud.

However, if your child is frustrated over not getting his way, the best thing to do is ignore the outburst. The last thing you want to do is give in or drop everything in an effort to appease your little one. This will teach him that negative behavior pays off.

Once your child does calm down, explain that screaming won't work and that you need him to use words.

If the tantrum continues, however, you may need to use a time-out. Place your toddler somewhere without toys or entertainment, and wait for him to quiet down before allowing him to rejoin the family.

It can also be helpful to identify those triggers that set your child off. If, for instance, your toddler tends to throw a fit when it's time to leave a fun setting, prepare him in advance. A five-minute warning can go a long way toward heading off a tantrum.

Finally, remember that toddler temper tantrums are perfectly normal. And, if they're handled correctly, your child will soon learn healthier ways to express emotions. For more ideas about raising young children, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband recently lost his job. I'm still working and we aren't destitute, but it's obviously tough on the whole family. Is there anything I should prioritize while he looks for a new position?

Jim: You have an important role in helping your spouse deal with the uncertainty ahead. So, to the best of your ability, you have to stay calm and focused. Admittedly, it's a bit of a tightrope.

If your husband is unemployed for weeks and months, it can feel like the search for a new job will never end. But it's important not to let discouragement set in. Keep a healthy perspective and try to remember that as difficult as this challenge is, it's only temporary.

One of the best things you can do as a couple is to keep life as normal as possible. Maintain a routine. Take life one day at a time and understand that there will be good days and bad. Also, don't overlook the value of staying engaged with the people closest to you. When life gets tough, it's easy to hunker down and isolate. But those are the times we need the love and support of a community of friends and family.

Meanwhile, don't let your daily life become consumed by this situation. It's healthy to plan (inexpensive) activities that have no other purpose except to have fun. Go for a bike ride or a hike, or have a picnic. It's a good opportunity to set aside your worries, even if just for a short time, and refresh yourself and your marriage.

And that's key. Somehow, with all of this uncertainty, both of you have to stay focused on the most important goal of all: keeping your relationship intact -- even making it stronger -- until you get to the other side of this challenge. So whatever you do, in the midst of your spouse's unemployment, make your marriage your top priority.

Q: My wife and I have been married for several years. Our life certainly hasn't been what we envisioned -- the road has been a lot tougher than we expected. We love each other, but we're discouraged. Do you have any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many couples struggle with what their marriage is, compared to what they dreamed it would be. But what they often fail to consider is whether their expectations were realistic in the first place.

Marital bliss is a common dream when people are dating. In those early stages of romance, they can't imagine feeling discontent with their spouse or their conversations not stretching into the wee hours of the night. And disagreements? What disagreements?

But once you're married, those expectations usually hit a speed bump. There's the monotony of work and paying bills week-in and week-out. Then there are all the stressors. Maybe a spouse loses his or her job, or a baby is born, impacting the couple's finances. Real life sets in, and the dream begins to fade.

Here's the point: Good marriages aren't built on lofty expectations. They're formed through the ups and downs of day-to-day, year-to-year experiences.

So if your relationship isn't all you'd hoped, take a look at what you'd originally hoped for. Maybe some of your expectations were unrealistic in the first place. If so, cast a new vision for your marriage. But this time, temper your dreams with a little less fairy tale and a little more real life. And build that vision on your individual and mutual strengths. Your marriage can be greater than the sum of its parts.

For extra guidance on how to build a strong and thriving marriage, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.