Q: How can I forgive my deceased father for his cruel words and behavior? He treated me horribly when I was a kid, so my relationship with him was strained and distant until the day he died. I never worked things out with him in person, and now I'm struggling with feelings of anger, bitterness, guilt and remorse.

Jim: It's always difficult to lose a family member, but it's even harder when we have unresolved issues with the person who has passed on. Psychologists call this "complicated mourning."

One way to begin working through your complicated mourning is to write a letter to your father as if he were still alive. Try to express the full range of your emotions. Besides the anger, bitterness and guilt, there may be a sense of deep sadness and irretrievable loss, along with frustration that you can't fix things now that he's gone. Put all this down in writing, as clearly and thoroughly as you can. After composing the letter, you might even want to visit your father's grave and read it "to him" there. That's purely symbolic, of course, but some people have found it liberating.

Once this is done, it may also be helpful to see if you can gain some insight into the workings of your father's mind. If possible, talk to your mother and other relatives who knew your dad when he was younger. What kind of relationship did he have with his parents? Did he feel loved and accepted as a child? If not, it's possible that he was simply passing this legacy on to you without fully realizing what he was doing. Sometimes knowledge of another person's background can give us empathy for them. In turn, that empathy can grant us a new perspective on the person's behavior toward us, and start to heal our own psychological wounds.

Above all else, I think there's a very real spiritual component to all of this, so I'd encourage you to talk to a pastor or Christian counselor for further insights. You can start by calling our counseling team at 800-232-6459.

Q: I'm a first-time parent, and my son is just getting to the "toddler tantrum" stage. I'm a bit overwhelmed -- how do I handle these episodes?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: That may depend on the reason for the tantrum. Is your child hungry or tired? If so, offering a snack or a nap may be all it takes to nip a tantrum in the bud.

However, if your child is frustrated over not getting his way, the best thing to do is ignore the outburst. The last thing you want to do is give in or drop everything in an effort to appease your little one. This will teach him that negative behavior pays off.

Once your child does calm down, explain that screaming won't work and that you need him to use words.

If the tantrum continues, however, you may need to use a time-out. Place your toddler somewhere without toys or entertainment, and wait for him to quiet down before allowing him to rejoin the family.

It can also be helpful to identify those triggers that set your child off. If, for instance, your toddler tends to throw a fit when it's time to leave a fun setting, prepare him in advance. A five-minute warning can go a long way toward heading off a tantrum.

Finally, remember that toddler temper tantrums are perfectly normal. And, if they're handled correctly, your child will soon learn healthier ways to express emotions. For more ideas about raising young children, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband recently lost his job. I'm still working and we aren't destitute, but it's obviously tough on the whole family. Is there anything I should prioritize while he looks for a new position?

Jim: You have an important role in helping your spouse deal with the uncertainty ahead. So, to the best of your ability, you have to stay calm and focused. Admittedly, it's a bit of a tightrope.

If your husband is unemployed for weeks and months, it can feel like the search for a new job will never end. But it's important not to let discouragement set in. Keep a healthy perspective and try to remember that as difficult as this challenge is, it's only temporary.

One of the best things you can do as a couple is to keep life as normal as possible. Maintain a routine. Take life one day at a time and understand that there will be good days and bad. Also, don't overlook the value of staying engaged with the people closest to you. When life gets tough, it's easy to hunker down and isolate. But those are the times we need the love and support of a community of friends and family.

Meanwhile, don't let your daily life become consumed by this situation. It's healthy to plan (inexpensive) activities that have no other purpose except to have fun. Go for a bike ride or a hike, or have a picnic. It's a good opportunity to set aside your worries, even if just for a short time, and refresh yourself and your marriage.

And that's key. Somehow, with all of this uncertainty, both of you have to stay focused on the most important goal of all: keeping your relationship intact -- even making it stronger -- until you get to the other side of this challenge. So whatever you do, in the midst of your spouse's unemployment, make your marriage your top priority.

Q: My wife and I have been married for several years. Our life certainly hasn't been what we envisioned -- the road has been a lot tougher than we expected. We love each other, but we're discouraged. Do you have any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many couples struggle with what their marriage is, compared to what they dreamed it would be. But what they often fail to consider is whether their expectations were realistic in the first place.

Marital bliss is a common dream when people are dating. In those early stages of romance, they can't imagine feeling discontent with their spouse or their conversations not stretching into the wee hours of the night. And disagreements? What disagreements?

But once you're married, those expectations usually hit a speed bump. There's the monotony of work and paying bills week-in and week-out. Then there are all the stressors. Maybe a spouse loses his or her job, or a baby is born, impacting the couple's finances. Real life sets in, and the dream begins to fade.

Here's the point: Good marriages aren't built on lofty expectations. They're formed through the ups and downs of day-to-day, year-to-year experiences.

So if your relationship isn't all you'd hoped, take a look at what you'd originally hoped for. Maybe some of your expectations were unrealistic in the first place. If so, cast a new vision for your marriage. But this time, temper your dreams with a little less fairy tale and a little more real life. And build that vision on your individual and mutual strengths. Your marriage can be greater than the sum of its parts.

For extra guidance on how to build a strong and thriving marriage, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Just as we were looking forward to the freedom of an "empty nest," our adult daughter decided that she needs to come back and "get her life together" before "moving on to the next step." But we don't know exactly what this means, and we have no idea how long she's planning to stay. Do you have any advice?

Jim: There isn't necessarily anything "wrong" or "abnormal" about accepting a previously launched child back into your home. And you're certainly not alone. Census figures indicate that millions of so-called "empty nesters" now find themselves with at least one grown child living at home -- experts call it the "boomerang generation." Some come back hoping to save money for school. Others return so they can take time to search for the perfect job. Still others may have personal problems; they need a refuge.

Take comfort in the thought that it's only a temporary situation -- and be thankful that your daughter likes you enough to want to come back. She obviously thinks of home as a safe, accepting place to land while she regroups, and that's a positive thing. There are several practical measures you can implement to minimize conflict and maximize the opportunity to strengthen family bonds while she's with you.

Start by clarifying your standards. Do this as early as possible to prevent misunderstandings and friction later on. You might even want to spell them out in a brief "contract" for her to sign. Make sure that the contract specifies consequences for infractions.

At the same time, don't forget that these rules should be different than the ones you put in place when your child was a minor. For example, curfews aren't appropriate for an adult. As long as your grown child acts responsibly (holding a job, contributing financially or helping with meals and household chores), she deserves the same liberty to come and go as any adult. Respect her personal boundaries and preferences.

Don't be afraid to ask frank and straightforward questions during the course of this conversation. How long does your daughter envision staying with you? What would you both consider reasonable rent? If rent is not an issue, exactly how will she contribute to the cost of food and household expenses? What chores will she be expected to carry out?

You didn't mention any specific problems or concerns, but common sense suggests that you shouldn't enable a grown child who's merely looking to avoid adult responsibilities. Naturally, if your daughter is dealing with more serious issues -- for example, addictions or mental and emotional illness -- then you'll probably need to seek intervention or enlist professional help. But if she just seems a little too comfortable at home, it might be a good idea to set a move-out deadline (and stick to it). Knowing the clock is ticking at the "Mom and Pop Hotel" may be precisely the motivation she needs to get serious about "moving on to the next step."

Finally, keep a few things in mind as you interact with your daughter:

-- Trust her to make wise choices, even when she doesn't. After all, she is an adult now.

-- Squelch the impulse to give advice unless it's asked for.

-- Remember that communication is key. Set a regular time to discuss issues, clarify expectations or simply clear the air.

-- Three or more adults living in one house is a challenge, whether you're related or not. So give one another some space and grace!

If you need further help sorting out this or other relational issues, call Focus on the Family's Counseling Department at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.