Q: Every time I turn around, there's another example in the news or on social media about people fighting over issues of race, politics, religion, moral beliefs, etc. I'm beginning to lose hope that there can ever be peace in our land. What are your thoughts?

Jim: It's clear that America is deeply divided, on many fronts. But a lot of that conflict is driven by an idea that's fundamentally untrue: the perception that disagreeing with someone means you disrespect them as a person -- or even hate them. It doesn't have to be that way.

Beliefs can be polarizing. But differing perspectives don't have to cause us to lose our sense of dignity for one another. That means we can vigorously defend what we believe, but we can do it with civility and respect.

The key is grasping and applying a core value that's guided our nation for over two centuries: a person's value is the result of qualities beyond what we see at first glance. This is why my Christian faith emphasizes the profound worth of every human being. People don't deserve dignity because they're the right height, shape, color, political persuasion or any other label. All human beings have immeasurable worth simply because it's endowed them by their Creator.

Our conversations about societal issues have to start -- and continue -- in that context. And it works. Some of the people I consider to be my friends are activists who fight for ideas that directly oppose my deeply held beliefs. We disagree over almost every political and social issue. But we've still been able to build genuine friendships, because we show one another respect even though we hold radically differing opinions. None of us believes our opposing views have to turn into animosity or hatred toward one another. That civility allows us to find common ground.

Q: Our 14-year-old daughter was invited to an overnight video marathon at a friend's house. The plan was to binge-watch a series of horror films that we wouldn't ordinarily view in our household. We chose to not let our daughter attend. But when I spoke with the friend's mom, her reply was "Whatever -- it's only a movie." Do you think we were too restrictive?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I'll admit I'm not a fan of the horror film genre or its recent spin-off commonly called torture porn. Because of that, it would be easy for me to quickly answer your question with a "you did the right thing -- case closed." But the question is best answered in a bigger context of what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable films. I like to boil down the "in-bounds vs. out-of-bounds" dilemma to a few simple questions to always ask (and train your daughter to always ask).

The first is this: Will watching this film (or watching this TV show, listening to this song, playing this video game) make me a better person? Will it encourage me to be more honest, compassionate, generous and noble? Will it challenge me to care about others more, make a greater difference in this world, and better respond to life's trials?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, there's still another factor to consider. Even if the film is inspiring, encouraging and uplifting overall, does it contain some content that would be counterproductive to my overall mental/spiritual health?

I say all this because it's arguable that a few "horror" movies might fit the bill. But again, the place to start is not just films of this type, but to put all movies -- no matter the genre -- to the tests above. PluggedIn.com provides detailed content reviews to help you with this process.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My teenage son keeps telling me that I don't "respect" him as I should. I'll admit that we often butt heads, but I honestly don't believe that I've ever done anything to denigrate him as a person. What does it mean for a parent to "respect" a child? I can't just let him have his own way all the time, can I?

Jim: I understand. We have two teenagers in my house. Many teens make the mistake of equating respect with permission. They say, "If you respect me, you'll let me." But respect and permission are two very different things. You're the parent, and your child needs to respect your authority and abide by your rules as long as he remains under your roof.

Respect is best defined as the act of giving a person the particular attention or special regard he deserves. It's demonstrating that you consider him worthy of high esteem -- even when he's not reflecting it back to you. That can be hard. But here are some helpful hints:

-- Listen completely before drawing conclusions or making decisions. Take as much time as this requires. Note: "Listening" doesn't mean "agreeing."

-- Trust is earned. Give your son as much freedom as he has shown he can handle. No more, no less. This can be a tough balancing act.

-- Be consistent in your words, deeds, decisions, rules and choices. It's hard for a teen to respect anyone who is inconsistent or hypocritical.

-- Establish rules that are logical, fair, reasonable and truthful. Resist the temptation to make rules for your own convenience, or to satisfy a need for control.

-- Admit when he's right and you're wrong. Honesty is the backbone of mutual respect.

-- Never belittle or intentionally embarrass him -- publicly or privately. No name-calling, even if you're angry. Careless words hurt.

-- Distinguish between behavior and character. It's one thing to point out wrong actions, but be careful not to attack your child's character in the process.

By doing these things consistently, you'll show him respect -- even though you won't always "give in" to his requests. This balance of justice, guidance and respect will be a valuable example of how he should extend respect to you (and others) even when you don't see eye to eye.

Q: My husband and I are trying to do regular date nights, but it seems like we always end up talking (even arguing) about problems at home instead of having fun and enjoying each other's company. How can we keep our dates on track?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many of us struggle with this, including my wife and me. It can be hard to carve out time for a date. So, once we're together, issues that are top of mind tend to come up. Before you know it, what could have been an evening of fun and connection becomes an argument. By the end of the date, instead of emotionally connecting, husband and wife have drifted apart.

It's important to avoid the temptation to "administrate" your marriage, rather than to enjoy one another's company. Every marriage has real issues that need to be addressed from time to time. Maybe it's discipline problems with kids, financial challenges or communication struggles. There's a time and place to confront those challenges, but not on date nights. Keep your dates fun, exciting and conflict-free.

The best way to do this is proactively plan your date night activities. Have specific things in mind to do, and keep to the script. You might even think back "pre-marriage" to when you were first dating, and revisit some of your favorite conversations and memories. For more ideas and resources, see focusonthefamily.com/marriage/dating-your-spouse.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My elderly mom is still living independently in her own home, but it's clear that she'll soon be unable to handle her finances and other business matters on her own. My siblings and I need to begin preparing for what's to come. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: You're wise to begin thinking about this while your mother is still able to participate in the process of providing for her own future. First, make sure that she is comfortable sharing personal information with you. If not, you may need to consider using a financial adviser, accountant or attorney as a neutral third party to facilitate the necessary discussions about her finances.

Once you have the go-ahead, help your mom calculate the total value of all her assets (savings, investments, real estate, etc.). Then ask questions about her monthly spending. Can she eliminate any expenses? Are there other sources of money available (e.g., cashing in a life-insurance policy, selling items or properties)? What about health coverage? Does your mom have Medicare or Medicaid and any supplemental insurance coverage?

It's also crucial to determine whether she has the means to continue supporting herself at her current standard of living. For this to be possible, the average retiree today has to provide about 60 percent of her living expenses while Social Security pays for the rest. If investments are a major part of her retirement income, and you're not comfortable addressing that area yourself, get referrals from friends and look for a reputable financial adviser with integrity and a good track record.

To find local professional agencies that can help you and your mother resolve financial matters, contact the Eldercare Locator, a free, nationwide directory assistance service. The toll-free number is 1-800-677-1116; the website is www.eldercare.gov. For state and county organizations, check the phone book or visit the website for the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (www.n4a.org).

Finally, if you have relationship concerns and challenges associated with this situation, please don't hesitate to give our Counseling Department a call at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Q: Our 8-year-old daughter begged to start gymnastics lessons, and we paid several hundred dollars for an eight-week course. But after two weeks, her muscles are sore and she realizes it's harder than she thought. She wants to quit. Should we let her bail out or make her continue for another six weeks?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: The answer will depend on your child and her track record. If she has a habit of making enthusiastic false starts but rarely bringing any project to completion, she'll probably benefit from the experience of struggling to complete the course she started. This "reality therapy" will be especially important if you funded the classes after she promised to finish them. In this case, the issue is being true to her word, rather than the classes themselves or the cost. Through perseverance, she might even come to love the challenge and thrive on it going forward.

If she has been consistently involved in other long-term activities but is clearly just miserable in this one, you may want to let her quietly retire. Make sure the problem isn't a mismatch of your child and a certain coach or program, or perhaps a mistaken entry into a group that is too advanced. At times a change of venue, trainer or team can make a significant difference -- especially when the new environment emphasizes positive encouragement.

Either way, if this activity proves to be a dead end, don't berate her for it. Allowing her to maintain her dignity will accomplish far more than any trophy on the family shelf. And the experience can be a teachable point moving forward.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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