Q: My teenage son keeps telling me that I don't "respect" him as I should. I'll admit that we often butt heads, but I honestly don't believe that I've ever done anything to denigrate him as a person. What does it mean for a parent to "respect" a child? I can't just let him have his own way all the time, can I?

Jim: I understand. We have two teenagers in my house. Many teens make the mistake of equating respect with permission. They say, "If you respect me, you'll let me." But respect and permission are two very different things. You're the parent, and your child needs to respect your authority and abide by your rules as long as he remains under your roof.

Respect is best defined as the act of giving a person the particular attention or special regard he deserves. It's demonstrating that you consider him worthy of high esteem -- even when he's not reflecting it back to you. That can be hard. But here are some helpful hints:

-- Listen completely before drawing conclusions or making decisions. Take as much time as this requires. Note: "Listening" doesn't mean "agreeing."

-- Trust is earned. Give your son as much freedom as he has shown he can handle. No more, no less. This can be a tough balancing act.

-- Be consistent in your words, deeds, decisions, rules and choices. It's hard for a teen to respect anyone who is inconsistent or hypocritical.

-- Establish rules that are logical, fair, reasonable and truthful. Resist the temptation to make rules for your own convenience, or to satisfy a need for control.

-- Admit when he's right and you're wrong. Honesty is the backbone of mutual respect.

-- Never belittle or intentionally embarrass him -- publicly or privately. No name-calling, even if you're angry. Careless words hurt.

-- Distinguish between behavior and character. It's one thing to point out wrong actions, but be careful not to attack your child's character in the process.

By doing these things consistently, you'll show him respect -- even though you won't always "give in" to his requests. This balance of justice, guidance and respect will be a valuable example of how he should extend respect to you (and others) even when you don't see eye to eye.

Q: My husband and I are trying to do regular date nights, but it seems like we always end up talking (even arguing) about problems at home instead of having fun and enjoying each other's company. How can we keep our dates on track?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many of us struggle with this, including my wife and me. It can be hard to carve out time for a date. So, once we're together, issues that are top of mind tend to come up. Before you know it, what could have been an evening of fun and connection becomes an argument. By the end of the date, instead of emotionally connecting, husband and wife have drifted apart.

It's important to avoid the temptation to "administrate" your marriage, rather than to enjoy one another's company. Every marriage has real issues that need to be addressed from time to time. Maybe it's discipline problems with kids, financial challenges or communication struggles. There's a time and place to confront those challenges, but not on date nights. Keep your dates fun, exciting and conflict-free.

The best way to do this is proactively plan your date night activities. Have specific things in mind to do, and keep to the script. You might even think back "pre-marriage" to when you were first dating, and revisit some of your favorite conversations and memories. For more ideas and resources, see focusonthefamily.com/marriage/dating-your-spouse.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My elderly mom is still living independently in her own home, but it's clear that she'll soon be unable to handle her finances and other business matters on her own. My siblings and I need to begin preparing for what's to come. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: You're wise to begin thinking about this while your mother is still able to participate in the process of providing for her own future. First, make sure that she is comfortable sharing personal information with you. If not, you may need to consider using a financial adviser, accountant or attorney as a neutral third party to facilitate the necessary discussions about her finances.

Once you have the go-ahead, help your mom calculate the total value of all her assets (savings, investments, real estate, etc.). Then ask questions about her monthly spending. Can she eliminate any expenses? Are there other sources of money available (e.g., cashing in a life-insurance policy, selling items or properties)? What about health coverage? Does your mom have Medicare or Medicaid and any supplemental insurance coverage?

It's also crucial to determine whether she has the means to continue supporting herself at her current standard of living. For this to be possible, the average retiree today has to provide about 60 percent of her living expenses while Social Security pays for the rest. If investments are a major part of her retirement income, and you're not comfortable addressing that area yourself, get referrals from friends and look for a reputable financial adviser with integrity and a good track record.

To find local professional agencies that can help you and your mother resolve financial matters, contact the Eldercare Locator, a free, nationwide directory assistance service. The toll-free number is 1-800-677-1116; the website is www.eldercare.gov. For state and county organizations, check the phone book or visit the website for the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (www.n4a.org).

Finally, if you have relationship concerns and challenges associated with this situation, please don't hesitate to give our Counseling Department a call at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Q: Our 8-year-old daughter begged to start gymnastics lessons, and we paid several hundred dollars for an eight-week course. But after two weeks, her muscles are sore and she realizes it's harder than she thought. She wants to quit. Should we let her bail out or make her continue for another six weeks?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: The answer will depend on your child and her track record. If she has a habit of making enthusiastic false starts but rarely bringing any project to completion, she'll probably benefit from the experience of struggling to complete the course she started. This "reality therapy" will be especially important if you funded the classes after she promised to finish them. In this case, the issue is being true to her word, rather than the classes themselves or the cost. Through perseverance, she might even come to love the challenge and thrive on it going forward.

If she has been consistently involved in other long-term activities but is clearly just miserable in this one, you may want to let her quietly retire. Make sure the problem isn't a mismatch of your child and a certain coach or program, or perhaps a mistaken entry into a group that is too advanced. At times a change of venue, trainer or team can make a significant difference -- especially when the new environment emphasizes positive encouragement.

Either way, if this activity proves to be a dead end, don't berate her for it. Allowing her to maintain her dignity will accomplish far more than any trophy on the family shelf. And the experience can be a teachable point moving forward.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm sitting down to write out my New Year's resolutions. Every year I struggle to keep up with my goals -- and usually give up within a few weeks. Honestly, I feel completely saturated already; is it even worth trying to add something else to the list?

Jim: I think there's a lot to be said for setting a few reasonable goals and making the effort to attain them. It's helpful if they're measurable (like "exercise for 30 minutes three times a week"), and you can enlist someone to encourage you and help you keep on track.

But I might also suggest making some "non-resolutions" for the year. Non-resolutions aren't about what we decide to add to our lives. They're about all the things we decide to leave behind.

A non-resolution could be something like resolving not to look back too much on the negative events of the past year. Instead, forgive the people who have hurt you and choose to have a better outlook for what this year can hold for you.

Or, how about resolving not to get more engrossed in technology than you already are? Decide that this year you're going to exchange your smartphone and text messages for more face-to-face communication and one-on-one time with your family.

Here's another one: Don't let mistakes you've made over the past 12 months determine how the next 12 months will go. Don't live in regret. Handle whatever consequences you may be facing, but shake off your poor choices and get on with your life. Learn from your mistakes and move forward.

Living well is just as much about what you choose to leave behind as it is what you choose to add. It reminds me of the quote that says, "Our strength doesn't come from desperately hanging on, but from gracefully letting go." So as you think about your resolutions for this year, give some thought to a few non-resolutions as well. I wish you the best.

Q: Looking ahead to a new year, my wife and I want to prioritize ways to strengthen our family. We're trying to think of things that will help each of our four children feel more connected and secure. Where can we start?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've heard the old schoolyard rhyme: "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." If you stop to think about it, this simple bit of poetry actually contains a blueprint for happy, successful family living.

Marriage is the foundation of the family. That's why a husband and wife's first priority should be the health of their relationship. As a matter of fact, family psychologist John Rosemond says that couples should spend 80 percent of their time strengthening their marriage, over and above the demands of their schedules or the needs of their children. If 80 percent sounds extreme to you, remember this: Your kids are only as safe and nurtured as your marriage. They'll be most content when their parents' relationship is solid.

Beyond that, both Mom and Dad should make the effort to regularly "date" each child, one-on-one. It doesn't have to be much -- even just an ice cream cone and engaged dialogue. But make sure to listen to them. When your kids know that you value them as unique individuals, they'll feel more secure in their place in the household.

So it's marriage first, then kids -- in that order. That's the way it all begins, and that's the way it works best. For more tips and resources to build a thriving family, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.