Q: My elderly mom is still living independently in her own home, but it's clear that she'll soon be unable to handle her finances and other business matters on her own. My siblings and I need to begin preparing for what's to come. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: You're wise to begin thinking about this while your mother is still able to participate in the process of providing for her own future. First, make sure that she is comfortable sharing personal information with you. If not, you may need to consider using a financial adviser, accountant or attorney as a neutral third party to facilitate the necessary discussions about her finances.

Once you have the go-ahead, help your mom calculate the total value of all her assets (savings, investments, real estate, etc.). Then ask questions about her monthly spending. Can she eliminate any expenses? Are there other sources of money available (e.g., cashing in a life-insurance policy, selling items or properties)? What about health coverage? Does your mom have Medicare or Medicaid and any supplemental insurance coverage?

It's also crucial to determine whether she has the means to continue supporting herself at her current standard of living. For this to be possible, the average retiree today has to provide about 60 percent of her living expenses while Social Security pays for the rest. If investments are a major part of her retirement income, and you're not comfortable addressing that area yourself, get referrals from friends and look for a reputable financial adviser with integrity and a good track record.

To find local professional agencies that can help you and your mother resolve financial matters, contact the Eldercare Locator, a free, nationwide directory assistance service. The toll-free number is 1-800-677-1116; the website is www.eldercare.gov. For state and county organizations, check the phone book or visit the website for the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (www.n4a.org).

Finally, if you have relationship concerns and challenges associated with this situation, please don't hesitate to give our Counseling Department a call at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Q: Our 8-year-old daughter begged to start gymnastics lessons, and we paid several hundred dollars for an eight-week course. But after two weeks, her muscles are sore and she realizes it's harder than she thought. She wants to quit. Should we let her bail out or make her continue for another six weeks?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: The answer will depend on your child and her track record. If she has a habit of making enthusiastic false starts but rarely bringing any project to completion, she'll probably benefit from the experience of struggling to complete the course she started. This "reality therapy" will be especially important if you funded the classes after she promised to finish them. In this case, the issue is being true to her word, rather than the classes themselves or the cost. Through perseverance, she might even come to love the challenge and thrive on it going forward.

If she has been consistently involved in other long-term activities but is clearly just miserable in this one, you may want to let her quietly retire. Make sure the problem isn't a mismatch of your child and a certain coach or program, or perhaps a mistaken entry into a group that is too advanced. At times a change of venue, trainer or team can make a significant difference -- especially when the new environment emphasizes positive encouragement.

Either way, if this activity proves to be a dead end, don't berate her for it. Allowing her to maintain her dignity will accomplish far more than any trophy on the family shelf. And the experience can be a teachable point moving forward.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm sitting down to write out my New Year's resolutions. Every year I struggle to keep up with my goals -- and usually give up within a few weeks. Honestly, I feel completely saturated already; is it even worth trying to add something else to the list?

Jim: I think there's a lot to be said for setting a few reasonable goals and making the effort to attain them. It's helpful if they're measurable (like "exercise for 30 minutes three times a week"), and you can enlist someone to encourage you and help you keep on track.

But I might also suggest making some "non-resolutions" for the year. Non-resolutions aren't about what we decide to add to our lives. They're about all the things we decide to leave behind.

A non-resolution could be something like resolving not to look back too much on the negative events of the past year. Instead, forgive the people who have hurt you and choose to have a better outlook for what this year can hold for you.

Or, how about resolving not to get more engrossed in technology than you already are? Decide that this year you're going to exchange your smartphone and text messages for more face-to-face communication and one-on-one time with your family.

Here's another one: Don't let mistakes you've made over the past 12 months determine how the next 12 months will go. Don't live in regret. Handle whatever consequences you may be facing, but shake off your poor choices and get on with your life. Learn from your mistakes and move forward.

Living well is just as much about what you choose to leave behind as it is what you choose to add. It reminds me of the quote that says, "Our strength doesn't come from desperately hanging on, but from gracefully letting go." So as you think about your resolutions for this year, give some thought to a few non-resolutions as well. I wish you the best.

Q: Looking ahead to a new year, my wife and I want to prioritize ways to strengthen our family. We're trying to think of things that will help each of our four children feel more connected and secure. Where can we start?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've heard the old schoolyard rhyme: "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage." If you stop to think about it, this simple bit of poetry actually contains a blueprint for happy, successful family living.

Marriage is the foundation of the family. That's why a husband and wife's first priority should be the health of their relationship. As a matter of fact, family psychologist John Rosemond says that couples should spend 80 percent of their time strengthening their marriage, over and above the demands of their schedules or the needs of their children. If 80 percent sounds extreme to you, remember this: Your kids are only as safe and nurtured as your marriage. They'll be most content when their parents' relationship is solid.

Beyond that, both Mom and Dad should make the effort to regularly "date" each child, one-on-one. It doesn't have to be much -- even just an ice cream cone and engaged dialogue. But make sure to listen to them. When your kids know that you value them as unique individuals, they'll feel more secure in their place in the household.

So it's marriage first, then kids -- in that order. That's the way it all begins, and that's the way it works best. For more tips and resources to build a thriving family, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Everybody talks about Christmas joy and good cheer, but I don't feel it. I usually just fake it because all of my holiday memories are bad ones. How am I supposed to get in the "Christmas spirit"?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. For every joyful carol and festive party this Christmas season, there will be someone who barely makes it through for various reasons. And, sad to say, some won't make it through; unfortunately, depression and suicide are not uncommon this time of year.

For those suffering heartache -- loneliness, financial hardship, loss of a family member, etc. -- the Christmas season can lose its meaning and feel cold and empty. In fact, sadness and grief can quickly turn into despair when the rest of the world seems so happy and joyous.

If your dreams of a white Christmas feel cold and blue instead, I encourage you to reach out to someone. Spend extra time with family members or get together with a group of friends. It's important to let them know you're going through a tough time and could really use their support. If those types of connections aren't readily available to you, I hope you'll call a counselor or a pastor. They understand how tough this time of year is for many people, and they can help your holiday shine a little brighter.

Our counselors here at Focus would be happy to come alongside you. Give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY, or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for information.

And a final note -- if you're reading this and doing OK yourself, try to think of someone who might not be. Maybe there's someone who you suspect will be alone for Christmas. Invite them to join you for dinner. It could make the crucial difference for a person who needs a friend.

Q: My wife and I have had a rough year relationally. Things are improving, though, and I want to give her something extra-meaningful for Christmas. I'm stumped -- any ideas?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm going to suggest something that may sound a little crazy. Write out a heartfelt card and include a "coupon" for 10 minutes of your time every day for the whole year (and then follow through).

Sound too easy? Dr. John Gottman, a widely respected marriage therapist, has published research that shows couples can dramatically improve their relationship if they devote at least 10 minutes throughout the day to one another.

What happens in those 10 minutes is where the magic happens. It's where couples "turn toward" one another. That means both husband and wife shift their focus away from work, kids and other distractions of the day and turn their attention toward their spouse. It could be a conversation over dinner. Additionally, look for connection moments throughout the day. It could be as simple as complementing your wife on her appearance or giving each other a kiss goodbye as you're both heading out the door. Even in brief exchanges like these, you're choosing to turn toward each other.

Believe it or not, it's not lavish vacations or extravagant gifts that best help relationships to thrive, but small, everyday acts. Happy couples take time to talk to one another, to laugh from time to time, and to pay close attention to what the other is doing or saying. Those seemingly insignificant actions are actually powerful moments that keep couples emotionally engaged and stoke the fire of romance and passion in a relationship.

No matter how busy you may be, never be too busy to "turn toward" your spouse on a daily basis. Ten minutes -- that's all you need to help move your marriage from "surviving" to "thriving."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.