Q: We're celebrating the first Christmas with our newborn twins. As they grow older, do you think we should let them believe in Santa Claus?

Jim: Our organization doesn't endorse any specific viewpoint regarding Santa, Christmas trees and other Western traditions. Some families enjoy these aspects of the Christmas season; others consider them detractions from the true meaning of the holiday.

I'll say this, though: If you choose to allow your children to believe in Santa Claus, just be sure to tell them about the real St. Nick.

St. Nicholas lived in Asia Minor in the fourth century and was well known for his compassion for those in need. He was also a humble man who relied on secrecy to avoid receiving praise for his actions. Tradition says he once rescued three young women whose father had no money for their dowry; at that time, girls who remained unmarried risked being sold into slavery. So one night St. Nicholas sneaked into the family's home and left gold coins in the girls' stockings, which were drying by the fireplace. That historic figure is, of course, where we get our modern version of the jolly fellow in the red suit who loads up stockings on Christmas Eve.

The original St. Nick is also a good reminder of what the heart of this season is all about. It really is about gifts, and not just the kind you put under a tree. It's a baby, born in a manger, given as a gift to all mankind. It's about each of us giving from whatever abundance we have to someone else less fortunate. It's about caring for people in need and making their world a little brighter.

Q: Our family loves Christmas! Our only concern is that our sons (ages 5 and 7) are at a stage where they focus on themselves and what presents they're getting. We'd like to help them learn to be less self-centered and to think about others. Any ideas?

Danny Huerta, Vice President of Parenting & Youth: Your kids are normal -- which isn't good! We all need encouragement to put others ahead of ourselves, year-round. The holiday focus on "getting stuff" provides context for teaching children to think about the needs and wants of others.

One great way to convey this lesson is through family activities. Doing even simple things together gives children an opportunity to consider "us," not just "me." Building a snowman, shoveling snow, making a craft or baking cookies together are great ways to highlight the importance of family and cooperation. Christmas-related traditions such as a family Advent calendar can build unity while teaching about the real reason for the season (for free Advent resources and activities, see ThrivingFamily.com/Advent).

You can shift the emphasis off of self through service to others. Talk with your kids about how the first Christmas wasn't about getting; it was about giving the world the perfect Gift. Then ask them to think about ways they can give selflessly to others -- like making cookies and delivering them to an elderly person, or helping to clear snow from someone else's driveway. Giving shows kids the sacrifice involved in what others give to them. This helps them develop gratitude.

You can also encourage each member of the family to make gifts for each other instead of buying something. The effort of handcrafting or baking something engages our minds and hearts in thinking about the recipient while we're doing it.

There's no better time than the holidays to teach the value of thinking of others more frequently than one's self. And that's a gift that will keep on giving!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: What are some of the most important financial concerns for a newly single adult with kids?

Jim: There are three vital questions you need to ask yourself: 1) What do I need to do and when? 2) How can I meet my needs and my children's needs? 3) Most importantly, whom can I trust as an adviser?

Insecurity over their budgetary situation often leads newly single adults to make major financial changes much too quickly. So if you are widowed or divorced, I recommend you choose a personal adviser who you can trust to have your best interests at heart. Not necessarily a professional financial expert; what you need most at this point is not technical information, but wisdom and sound judgment. You can find someone to help with money management later on.

This doesn't have to be a family member or friend. What you're really looking for right now is somebody with wisdom and experience. It's possible that another widowed or divorced individual might turn out to be the best candidate for the job. If nothing else, they may be in a position to direct you to other helpers. You might also ask your pastor for recommendations. And it could be a good idea to engage the services of more than one personal adviser.

Whatever you do, bear in mind that you're still the decision maker. You can't abdicate that responsibility -- ultimately, it's up to you to sift out bad advice from the good. So seek out the best counsel you can find.

A final note: whether a person loses a spouse through divorce or death, grief can impair one's ability to make prudent decisions, especially within the first year following the loss. So when possible, defer major decisions for the first 12 months or so.

Q: I'm not sure how this has happened, but after 22 years of marriage my wife and I are ... well, bored. We still love each other and are committed to the relationship, but now that our son is in college, most evenings we just sit and stare at the television. Is this the way it goes for everyone?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Here's an analogy: Think back a week or so to that huge Thanksgiving dinner you may have enjoyed. When you first pull that bird out of the oven, and the table is set with stuffing, gravy and pumpkin pie, you feel like you could eat it all. By evening, you've already made your first turkey sandwich and had seconds of everything else.

But fast-forward a few days. There's still a lot of food left, but you're losing interest, and the Tupperware starts getting pushed farther and farther toward the back of the fridge.

Marriage can be a lot like that. Right after the wedding, couples usually can't wait to spend all of their free time together. But sooner or later, life settles into a routine, and you're left with leftovers. The passion and excitement are replaced by the same ol' same ol'. From there, the relationship gets pushed farther and farther into the background of life and, sometimes, perhaps thrown out altogether.

The answer is to take action in your marriage. Don't let it slip further into the doldrums. Date your wife. Do something outside your normal, everyday routine to revive the freshness your relationship once had. New hobbies, service projects, education -- do things together. I might humbly suggest my book, "Take the Date Night Challenge." But you can also find plenty of ideas to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday, but I want our kids to learn that it's more than just food, football, shopping and days off from school. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: One of the secrets to a happy life is gratitude -- not just brief moments here and there where we acknowledge the good things in life. I'm talking about living a life of gratitude.

Gratefulness isn't just an emotion we feel; it's a choice we make. This is especially important considering the problems we all face in life. We may have to search for reasons to be grateful. Perhaps we're having trouble at work. We can still be thankful we have a job. Or maybe our child is making poor decisions. Although we're disappointed, we can be grateful they're healthy and safe at that moment.

Gratitude is not merely thankfulness when everything is going right. After all, life is rarely like that. Instead, gratitude is understanding we live in a broken world, yet choosing to be thankful anyway.

To do that, we have to intentionally see the goodness in our lives. That can be tough, because the smallest blessings can be the hardest to notice. But they're also what help give our life its richness and meaning.

The Thanksgiving holiday is a great occasion to begin that practice. In our household, we go around the table and share what we're grateful for. But once the holidays end, we carry that tradition on throughout the rest of the year because we believe it's important to do.

Life will always confront us with challenges, and those hardships can sap us of our gratitude. But making it a daily habit to pause and reflect will help us remember just how much we have to be thankful for. For more encouragement to make every day count, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our three teenagers seem to have an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. I know that sort of goes with the territory, but it's driving me nuts. Do you have any advice?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: For various reasons, this seems to be an epidemic in our society. Teens (and many adults) often feel entitled. They think they "need" it all and feel they "deserve it" without having to do anything to get it. That attitude can cause problems.

It can be challenging as parents to teach our kids contentment and gratitude -- and the difference between "needs" and "wants" -- but these are important life lessons. Here are some tips on emphasizing these character traits.

First -- and this may get a little uncomfortable -- there's no substitute for you modeling the right priorities. Take an honest look at yourself. Think of what your children learn if you're never satisfied with what you have and always "need" more. More than likely, they'll see happiness as something that's continually just out of reach. Have the courage to adjust your own perspective if need be.

Second, teach your kids a solid work ethic. Many teenagers expect something for nothing. But what they need to learn is to earn the things they want. Whether it's a part-time job or tasks around the house, let your kids work. It'll teach them the value of a dollar. It'll also teach them delayed gratification, and the rewarding feeling of accomplishing goals through perseverance and patience.

Finally, look for opportunities for your teen to help those in need and less fortunate. It can be as simple as helping an elderly neighbor with yard work or cooking for a sick family member. By genuinely serving others, your kids will learn the joy -- and reward -- of putting someone else first rather than acting out of self-interest.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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