Q: What are some of the most important financial concerns for a newly single adult with kids?

Jim: There are three vital questions you need to ask yourself: 1) What do I need to do and when? 2) How can I meet my needs and my children's needs? 3) Most importantly, whom can I trust as an adviser?

Insecurity over their budgetary situation often leads newly single adults to make major financial changes much too quickly. So if you are widowed or divorced, I recommend you choose a personal adviser who you can trust to have your best interests at heart. Not necessarily a professional financial expert; what you need most at this point is not technical information, but wisdom and sound judgment. You can find someone to help with money management later on.

This doesn't have to be a family member or friend. What you're really looking for right now is somebody with wisdom and experience. It's possible that another widowed or divorced individual might turn out to be the best candidate for the job. If nothing else, they may be in a position to direct you to other helpers. You might also ask your pastor for recommendations. And it could be a good idea to engage the services of more than one personal adviser.

Whatever you do, bear in mind that you're still the decision maker. You can't abdicate that responsibility -- ultimately, it's up to you to sift out bad advice from the good. So seek out the best counsel you can find.

A final note: whether a person loses a spouse through divorce or death, grief can impair one's ability to make prudent decisions, especially within the first year following the loss. So when possible, defer major decisions for the first 12 months or so.

Q: I'm not sure how this has happened, but after 22 years of marriage my wife and I are ... well, bored. We still love each other and are committed to the relationship, but now that our son is in college, most evenings we just sit and stare at the television. Is this the way it goes for everyone?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Here's an analogy: Think back a week or so to that huge Thanksgiving dinner you may have enjoyed. When you first pull that bird out of the oven, and the table is set with stuffing, gravy and pumpkin pie, you feel like you could eat it all. By evening, you've already made your first turkey sandwich and had seconds of everything else.

But fast-forward a few days. There's still a lot of food left, but you're losing interest, and the Tupperware starts getting pushed farther and farther toward the back of the fridge.

Marriage can be a lot like that. Right after the wedding, couples usually can't wait to spend all of their free time together. But sooner or later, life settles into a routine, and you're left with leftovers. The passion and excitement are replaced by the same ol' same ol'. From there, the relationship gets pushed farther and farther into the background of life and, sometimes, perhaps thrown out altogether.

The answer is to take action in your marriage. Don't let it slip further into the doldrums. Date your wife. Do something outside your normal, everyday routine to revive the freshness your relationship once had. New hobbies, service projects, education -- do things together. I might humbly suggest my book, "Take the Date Night Challenge." But you can also find plenty of ideas to help your marriage thrive at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I enjoy the Thanksgiving holiday, but I want our kids to learn that it's more than just food, football, shopping and days off from school. Do you have any suggestions?

Jim: One of the secrets to a happy life is gratitude -- not just brief moments here and there where we acknowledge the good things in life. I'm talking about living a life of gratitude.

Gratefulness isn't just an emotion we feel; it's a choice we make. This is especially important considering the problems we all face in life. We may have to search for reasons to be grateful. Perhaps we're having trouble at work. We can still be thankful we have a job. Or maybe our child is making poor decisions. Although we're disappointed, we can be grateful they're healthy and safe at that moment.

Gratitude is not merely thankfulness when everything is going right. After all, life is rarely like that. Instead, gratitude is understanding we live in a broken world, yet choosing to be thankful anyway.

To do that, we have to intentionally see the goodness in our lives. That can be tough, because the smallest blessings can be the hardest to notice. But they're also what help give our life its richness and meaning.

The Thanksgiving holiday is a great occasion to begin that practice. In our household, we go around the table and share what we're grateful for. But once the holidays end, we carry that tradition on throughout the rest of the year because we believe it's important to do.

Life will always confront us with challenges, and those hardships can sap us of our gratitude. But making it a daily habit to pause and reflect will help us remember just how much we have to be thankful for. For more encouragement to make every day count, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Our three teenagers seem to have an overdeveloped sense of entitlement. I know that sort of goes with the territory, but it's driving me nuts. Do you have any advice?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: For various reasons, this seems to be an epidemic in our society. Teens (and many adults) often feel entitled. They think they "need" it all and feel they "deserve it" without having to do anything to get it. That attitude can cause problems.

It can be challenging as parents to teach our kids contentment and gratitude -- and the difference between "needs" and "wants" -- but these are important life lessons. Here are some tips on emphasizing these character traits.

First -- and this may get a little uncomfortable -- there's no substitute for you modeling the right priorities. Take an honest look at yourself. Think of what your children learn if you're never satisfied with what you have and always "need" more. More than likely, they'll see happiness as something that's continually just out of reach. Have the courage to adjust your own perspective if need be.

Second, teach your kids a solid work ethic. Many teenagers expect something for nothing. But what they need to learn is to earn the things they want. Whether it's a part-time job or tasks around the house, let your kids work. It'll teach them the value of a dollar. It'll also teach them delayed gratification, and the rewarding feeling of accomplishing goals through perseverance and patience.

Finally, look for opportunities for your teen to help those in need and less fortunate. It can be as simple as helping an elderly neighbor with yard work or cooking for a sick family member. By genuinely serving others, your kids will learn the joy -- and reward -- of putting someone else first rather than acting out of self-interest.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Do you have any advice for dealing with extended family members who don't get along? My in-laws like to host big get-togethers with all the relatives, but they're always marked by tension and dissension. I don't want to offend my spouse or his parents, but I'm tired of all the conflict. Can you suggest a solution?

Jim: This a common situation -- in home after home, family gatherings that are supposed to be filled with love and warmth end up turning into tense, uncomfortable confrontations. But "common" isn't the same thing as "unavoidable."

One option is to be honest. When you get an invitation, tell your in-laws that you appreciate their thoughtfulness, but aren't going to be able to join the party. You don't need to defend yourself or offer a long explanation. Just state your position and leave it at that. Naturally, you and your spouse will have to be in agreement on this.

A second choice would be to attend the gathering, but minimize your contact (if travel is involved, make plans to stay at a hotel rather than in your in-laws' home). Tell them that you're looking forward to spending time with them, but don't want to get involved in a feud with other members of the family. If the party disintegrates into a shouting match, politely excuse yourselves and head for home.

There's also a third option. You could approach the next family gathering with an entirely different attitude. Try to see it as a time for reaching out in kindness and grace, even when it's hard. Look for opportunities to extend love to some unlovely people. In the process, you may end up having a bigger impact in all their lives than you might suspect.

Q: My son (age 13) is suddenly very interested in girls -- and vice versa. Many of his peers are already dating, but my wife and I feel that this is just too young. How can we teach him about healthy relationships that don't involve romance?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: My son is 13 as well. While "crushes" are normal at this stage, kids need help handling the powerful feelings of attraction. Society encourages romantic (and too often, physical) relationships at younger and younger ages and normalizes intense boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. So this is a good time to underscore the basics of friendship that are essential to all healthy relationships.

One great place to start would be to find out about the friends that your son has right now -- both guys and girls. Talk with him about the character qualities that good friends exhibit. These include (but aren't limited to) trustworthiness, commitment, genuineness, loyalty, empathy and compassion. Does your son exhibit these traits in his friendships, and do his friends show them? Are their interactions characterized by respect, honesty and concern for others? Or do they treat others with disrespect and hurt them with pointed sarcasm?

A true friend builds others up and wants what is best for the other person. Good friends don't ask the other person to do what is wrong. Instead, they encourage others to be the best they can be.

Of course, this isn't just a one-time conversation. Keep checking with your son about his relationships, encourage him to consider how he has been a friend (or perhaps not such a good friend) to others, and challenge him to make needed changes.

As your son grows he will learn that romantic feelings come and go, but a solid friendship is foundational to relationships of all kinds. By teaching him how to be a good friend now, you're making an investment that will yield dividends for years to come.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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