Q: Do you have any advice for dealing with extended family members who don't get along? My in-laws like to host big get-togethers with all the relatives, but they're always marked by tension and dissension. I don't want to offend my spouse or his parents, but I'm tired of all the conflict. Can you suggest a solution?

Jim: This a common situation -- in home after home, family gatherings that are supposed to be filled with love and warmth end up turning into tense, uncomfortable confrontations. But "common" isn't the same thing as "unavoidable."

One option is to be honest. When you get an invitation, tell your in-laws that you appreciate their thoughtfulness, but aren't going to be able to join the party. You don't need to defend yourself or offer a long explanation. Just state your position and leave it at that. Naturally, you and your spouse will have to be in agreement on this.

A second choice would be to attend the gathering, but minimize your contact (if travel is involved, make plans to stay at a hotel rather than in your in-laws' home). Tell them that you're looking forward to spending time with them, but don't want to get involved in a feud with other members of the family. If the party disintegrates into a shouting match, politely excuse yourselves and head for home.

There's also a third option. You could approach the next family gathering with an entirely different attitude. Try to see it as a time for reaching out in kindness and grace, even when it's hard. Look for opportunities to extend love to some unlovely people. In the process, you may end up having a bigger impact in all their lives than you might suspect.

Q: My son (age 13) is suddenly very interested in girls -- and vice versa. Many of his peers are already dating, but my wife and I feel that this is just too young. How can we teach him about healthy relationships that don't involve romance?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: My son is 13 as well. While "crushes" are normal at this stage, kids need help handling the powerful feelings of attraction. Society encourages romantic (and too often, physical) relationships at younger and younger ages and normalizes intense boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. So this is a good time to underscore the basics of friendship that are essential to all healthy relationships.

One great place to start would be to find out about the friends that your son has right now -- both guys and girls. Talk with him about the character qualities that good friends exhibit. These include (but aren't limited to) trustworthiness, commitment, genuineness, loyalty, empathy and compassion. Does your son exhibit these traits in his friendships, and do his friends show them? Are their interactions characterized by respect, honesty and concern for others? Or do they treat others with disrespect and hurt them with pointed sarcasm?

A true friend builds others up and wants what is best for the other person. Good friends don't ask the other person to do what is wrong. Instead, they encourage others to be the best they can be.

Of course, this isn't just a one-time conversation. Keep checking with your son about his relationships, encourage him to consider how he has been a friend (or perhaps not such a good friend) to others, and challenge him to make needed changes.

As your son grows he will learn that romantic feelings come and go, but a solid friendship is foundational to relationships of all kinds. By teaching him how to be a good friend now, you're making an investment that will yield dividends for years to come.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our children are both in elementary school, and we want to start teaching them to handle money wisely. Is there anything we should keep in mind?

Jim: I'm sure you know whether your children are introverts or extroverts. It's key to their personality and how they interact with people. Financial experts Scott and Bethany Palmer have identified five basic "money personalities," and say that children (and adults) each show two, primary and secondary:

The "Saver": Whether it's cash or collecting rocks, savers hold on to stuff. That can be positive. But you'll probably have to encourage them to loosen their grip on their piggy bank every once in a while, for something worthwhile.

The "Spender": It might be a cheap pack of gum or an expensive video game -- they like to buy, and they crave instant gratification. Teach them to balance saving and spending, but understand they'll still probably make some bad money choices.

The "Security Seeker": They plan for the future, save money for a rainy day and refuse to touch a penny until that day comes. Applaud their careful planning, while helping them learn to feel comfortable using their money for other things when appropriate.

The "Risk Taker": They aren't emotionally attached to their stuff, so they won't hesitate to jump at opportunities that come along. They can make great things happen, but they're just as likely to buy on a whim. Help them channel their enthusiasm and learn to be strategic.

The "Flyer": They don't think much about finances; relationships come first, so they just see money as a tool to connect with others.

There's no "one size fits all" method of teaching your children to handle money wisely. But understanding your son or daughter's tendencies and money personality can make navigating these issues a lot easier.

Q: My wife and I have been married almost eight years. But our problems run so deep that I think we're both wondering if maybe we should just go our separate ways. Can you give me any reason why our marriage would even be worth trying to save?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I have no doubt that what you're facing is difficult, and my heart goes out to you. I believe your marriage is worth fighting for, for a lot of reasons.

If you're a parent, one of your most important considerations ought to be the welfare of your kids. Some people say children are relieved when their parents divorce, if it means they'll just stop arguing. But that's really not true. In fact, studies show that divorce is one of the biggest fears kids have. Twenty-five years later, children whose parents divorced still remember the loneliness and fear their parents' breakup caused them.

Research also shows that divorced couples aren't significantly happier once their marriage ends, and most wish they had worked harder to save their marriage.

But what happens if you put in the work to repair and strengthen your marriage? Again, the research shows that in most cases each spouse experiences greater physical, mental and emotional health, and their relationship is stronger and happier.

So here's the takeaway: You don't have to choose between staying in an unhappy marriage or divorcing and being just as miserable. Your marriage can be healed and restored if both of you are willing to try. Sure, it'll take work, but it is possible to develop the happiness and intimacy you and your spouse have been looking for all along. Our counselors at Focus on the Family would be happy to help; don't hesitate to call them at (800) A-FAMILY (800-232-6459).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How should I respond when my mother-in-law continually shows partiality to my husband's sister and her family? Whenever I call -- far in advance -- about visiting on various holidays, I'm told that she's already made plans with her daughter or that she'll "have to let me know" after finding out what's going on with her daughter's family. I deeply resent the inequity, and I'm tired of making plans around my sister-in-law.

Jim: It's tough to feel like your family comes in "second place" with your in-laws. Unfortunately, it's possible that in your mother-in-law's estimation, you will always play second fiddle to her own daughter.

Nevertheless, it's important that your husband have a candid conversation with his mother. Simple honesty requires that he let her know how the two of you have been feeling. Meanwhile, you should set some firm boundaries regarding future holiday plans. When discussing dates with his mom, the two of you should say something like this: "Mom, we'd really love to spend Thanksgiving with you this year. We'd like to finalize our plans by the first of September, so can you let us know by then?"

If she can't commit because she doesn't know what her daughter will be doing for the holiday, you can say, "Just let us know what you want to do by the first of September, or we'll need to make other plans." If she doesn't give you an answer by the deadline, stand firm and arrange something else.

If she acts hurt when you tell her you can't come, don't buy into her manipulation. Tell her you're sorry she's disappointed and that you'd love to get together another time. It shouldn't take her long to get the message. If she leaves your family hanging because she's hoping for a "better offer," she'll simply lose out on seeing you.

Q: How long should I wait before pursuing a lady who recently broke up with a boyfriend? I realize she probably needs some time and space right now, but I don't want to wait around too long either.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Time heals, but the amount of time that's needed depends on many factors. For this reason, I can't tell you, "Wait six weeks and then make your move." Instead, you need to keep your eyes open and go slowly. In particular, I'd suggest that you give thoughtful consideration to the fact that this woman has experienced a real loss, and that different people grieve such losses at different rates. You need to approach this situation with a great deal of sensitivity and compassion.

Your level of familiarity with this lady will necessarily dictate the way you relate to her under the present circumstances. If you're already friends, you probably have a good idea of how you might talk to her about her current situation. If not, you'll want to think about slowly building a friendship with her while maintaining an appropriate emotional distance.

When you've earned the right to do so, you might try asking her some questions about the recent breakup. What was this experience like for her? What did she learn from it? Who was responsible for ending the relationship? Factors like these are likely to make a huge difference in the amount of heartbreak she's going through.

Whatever you do, don't push her into some kind of "rebound" relationship. Remember, contentment and self-sufficiency are key factors in the psychological health of the individual, and it takes two healthy people to make a healthy couple. You don't want her to jump into a new connection with you just because she desperately "needs" somebody. That will only lead to other problems down the road.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.