Q: Our family always seems to be in a reactive mode -- it seems like there's some small but stressful crisis every day. My husband and I are both tired of this pattern, and how it's affecting us and our kids, but we feel stuck. Are there any strategies we can use to help?

Jim: Since it's football season again, and as a former quarterback, I'd like to share an analogy and tactic from the game that works well off the field, too.

One football scheme that translates well into real life is called the "hot read." Here's the setup: The defending team typically rushes the quarterback with three or four players. But sometimes, the defense will blitz using extra players (five, six, even seven) to put extra pressure on the QB. To counter that, the quarterback will run a "hot read" -- when he sees the blitz, he immediately passes to an alternate receiver before the charging defenders can get to him.

But here's the key: For that strategy to work, everyone on the offense has to understand what to do before the pressure comes, and what their responsibility is if certain defenders blitz.

That same principle works well in life, too. Challenges drop into our lives without warning from all directions. Maybe it's a car that unexpectedly breaks down or the sudden loss of a job. Creating a "hot read" plan ahead of time can help families keep their bearings when unexpected pressure hits: If "X" happens, then we do "Y."

Take some time to "huddle up" with your spouse and discuss how everyone in your family reacted to past unforeseen crises. Then talk through what you'll do differently when another one happens. With a little advance planning, you'll be better prepared to handle the next blitz life throws your way.

Q: I've got a big problem in how I speak to my wife and children; too often, I fly off the handle and yell at everybody. I desperately want to be a better husband and father, and I need to change my behavior. Do you have any suggestions?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've taken an important first step by realizing that you have a problem with anger and verbal abuse. In a very real sense, that's more than half the battle, and I commend you for it.

You can start moving in the right direction by getting some intensive counseling with a pastor or a professional marriage and family therapist. This might involve extended sessions (up to three hours each) for several days in succession. There are a number of therapists in the field who specialize in brief intensives. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can help you with referrals to qualified practitioners in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

As you go forward, remember that anger is often fueled by feelings of fear, hurt and shame (a sense of not being good enough). Counseling will help you identify these triggering patterns. It will teach you new coping skills and help you practice more effective communication techniques. It will also uncover underlying wounds and highlight "re-enactment behaviors" resulting from unfinished business with your family of origin and/or difficult life experiences. This, in turn, will enable you to avoid the reactionary type of language that can take such a devastating emotional toll on the people around you.

A book that can help jump-start the process is Robert McGee's "The Search for Significance," which addresses the fear of failure, rejection, punishment and shame that is often the source of the kind of anger you've experienced in your family relationships. It can be ordered online and found in most bookstores.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I vividly remember exactly where I was 15 years ago when I heard about the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks. My son was just an infant then; now he's reading about significant events like 9/11, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami and Hurricane Katrina. Yesterday, he asked me how people respond to these tragedies. What's your take?

Jim: The biggest challenge we all face may be to live every moment focused on what truly matters. For example, each time a natural disaster occurs, I listen to the wisdom of those who survive. These good folks stand in the rubble of their lives and, almost without exception, share the same perspective about what's really important. Though they've lost everything from a material standpoint, they express deep gratitude that their loved ones are safe.

That type of reaction makes sense. After all, tragedy has a unique way of bringing clarity into our lives. But I'm troubled that it often takes a crisis for us to see clearly. We get distracted, and family priorities soon begin to erode. For example, studies have shown that on average, fathers spend less than 60 seconds in daily conversation with each of their children!

Our culture constantly offers a skewed idea of what's valuable, and we buy into that hype far too easily. Parents work longer and harder in a never-ending quest for bigger houses, newer cars and the latest technology. Eventually, the "stuff" of life overshadows what really matters, while time with our family dwindles away.

When disaster rocks our lives at a foundational level, we need something to comfort us that goes even deeper. There are only two things in life that we can count on to do that -- the love and support of family and friends, and, most importantly, the bedrock of faith. Nothing besides love and an eternal perspective can reach into our suffering and bring us true comfort.

Q: It seems there's always another tragedy being reported -- even live-streamed. I'm concerned about how such things impact my kids. Do you have any advice?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: This world can be a scary place. Media is constantly filled with bad news -- from natural disasters to acts of violence and terrorist threats. It's tough enough to deal with these tragedies as adults, let alone talking to our children about them.

While parents shouldn't draw attention to every troubling event in the news, some are so widely publicized they can't be avoided. In those circumstances, it's a good idea to proactively talk to your kids using age-appropriate language. In as simple terms as possible, explain that hurt and pain are a part of our world. But strongly reassure them that you'll always do everything in your power to protect them. Remind them that dedicated people (first responders, law enforcement, military) stand ready to support and defend us. Most of all, model faith and hope in God.

Keep in mind, too, that physical touch is an important part of these conversations. When children are feeling uncertain, a parent's hug can go a long way toward calming their fears.

It's important to invite your kids to share what's in their heart as well. Allow them to question or comment, but don't overload them with information. Be sure to limit exposure to ongoing coverage, particularly graphic video images.

Finally, remember that various personality types and ages handle such events differently. Many children want to know how it all applies to their own lives, if they are safe and what they can do to help.

Helping kids navigate troubling news isn't easy, but caring, faithful parents can be a key source of strength, comfort and security. For more, see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our son just started at a new school, and we're afraid he is being bullied. What can we do?

Jim: Bullying is a rising problem, and "thanks" to technology, it isn't limited to the schoolyard anymore. It can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

First, don't wait for your son to talk about it. If you sense there's a problem, say, "Is someone picking on you at school?" Some bullies will threaten to harm a child if he tells. Keeping the lines of communication open will assure your son that he's not alone. Also, watch for nonverbal signs of bullying (wanting to stay home, consistently "losing" lunch money, etc.).

Second, take it seriously. It may take every ounce of courage your child has to admit he's being harassed. Younger kids may not have the vocabulary to fully explain what's happening to them. So don't dismiss the severity of their situation out-of-hand.

Third, encourage your child to stick close to friends whenever possible. Being with even one other buddy might deter a bully. Peer support doesn't replace adult intervention, but it can provide an emotional safety net and help restore lost hope.

Finally, take action -- discreetly. Your child may fear that if you make a fuss, it will make things worse. But talk to teachers, school administrators, parents and family friends, so your son has all the resources needed to be safe. You may even consider pulling him from school for a few days until the problem is handled. I'd also recommend visiting with a counselor, so your child can work through any lingering feelings of distress or fear.

If your child has been bullied, we have a staff of professionals available to offer guidance. Call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Q: Is there a way to stop my spouse from trying to "fix" my problems and actually start listening to me? I just need to vent from time to time, but whenever I start sharing my emotions, he cuts me off with a list of fixes. I'm not looking for answers -- just a listening ear.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Talking effectively with another person about your feelings and emotions is a delicate art. This is especially true in marriage. Both spouses -- male or female, pragmatic or introspective, "right-brained" or "left-brained" -- have moments when they simply want a partner who's capable of listening instead of offering advice. When this doesn't happen, the relationship can feel unsafe, and the depth of conversation can become shallow and unsatisfying.

If your spouse responds as a problem solver when you're simply venting, thinking out loud or airing your feelings, reply honestly and straightforwardly. Say something like, "When I'm not allowed to finish my sentences, I feel discounted and unimportant to you. What I need is to be heard."

Here are some key principles to keep in mind when talking about feelings:

-- Be respectful when your spouse takes responsibility for his or her emotions and behaviors.

-- Understand that men and women have different communication styles.

-- Develop conflict resolution strategies before attempting to bare your soul.

-- Be intentional about adopting an approach to your conversations that will be nurturing to both of you.

-- Commit yourselves to make your marriage as enjoyable as possible.

All of this sets the stage for safe self-disclosure. What happens next is up to you and your spouse. If you need help sorting it all out and making it work, Focus on the Family's counseling staff would be happy to consult with you and provide a list of professionals in your area who specialize in communication issues. Call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.