Q: Our son just started at a new school, and we're afraid he is being bullied. What can we do?

Jim: Bullying is a rising problem, and "thanks" to technology, it isn't limited to the schoolyard anymore. It can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

First, don't wait for your son to talk about it. If you sense there's a problem, say, "Is someone picking on you at school?" Some bullies will threaten to harm a child if he tells. Keeping the lines of communication open will assure your son that he's not alone. Also, watch for nonverbal signs of bullying (wanting to stay home, consistently "losing" lunch money, etc.).

Second, take it seriously. It may take every ounce of courage your child has to admit he's being harassed. Younger kids may not have the vocabulary to fully explain what's happening to them. So don't dismiss the severity of their situation out-of-hand.

Third, encourage your child to stick close to friends whenever possible. Being with even one other buddy might deter a bully. Peer support doesn't replace adult intervention, but it can provide an emotional safety net and help restore lost hope.

Finally, take action -- discreetly. Your child may fear that if you make a fuss, it will make things worse. But talk to teachers, school administrators, parents and family friends, so your son has all the resources needed to be safe. You may even consider pulling him from school for a few days until the problem is handled. I'd also recommend visiting with a counselor, so your child can work through any lingering feelings of distress or fear.

If your child has been bullied, we have a staff of professionals available to offer guidance. Call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com for more information.

Q: Is there a way to stop my spouse from trying to "fix" my problems and actually start listening to me? I just need to vent from time to time, but whenever I start sharing my emotions, he cuts me off with a list of fixes. I'm not looking for answers -- just a listening ear.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Talking effectively with another person about your feelings and emotions is a delicate art. This is especially true in marriage. Both spouses -- male or female, pragmatic or introspective, "right-brained" or "left-brained" -- have moments when they simply want a partner who's capable of listening instead of offering advice. When this doesn't happen, the relationship can feel unsafe, and the depth of conversation can become shallow and unsatisfying.

If your spouse responds as a problem solver when you're simply venting, thinking out loud or airing your feelings, reply honestly and straightforwardly. Say something like, "When I'm not allowed to finish my sentences, I feel discounted and unimportant to you. What I need is to be heard."

Here are some key principles to keep in mind when talking about feelings:

-- Be respectful when your spouse takes responsibility for his or her emotions and behaviors.

-- Understand that men and women have different communication styles.

-- Develop conflict resolution strategies before attempting to bare your soul.

-- Be intentional about adopting an approach to your conversations that will be nurturing to both of you.

-- Commit yourselves to make your marriage as enjoyable as possible.

All of this sets the stage for safe self-disclosure. What happens next is up to you and your spouse. If you need help sorting it all out and making it work, Focus on the Family's counseling staff would be happy to consult with you and provide a list of professionals in your area who specialize in communication issues. Call 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My 16-year-old daughter has blossomed into a beautiful young lady -- and it seems I'm not the only one who's noticed. She's getting more and more attention from boys her age, and I suspect it won't be long before she'll be dating. As her dad, what's my role in interacting with and vetting any potential suitors?

Jim: Well, I strongly advise you to avoid some of the hilarious extremes employed by the hyper-protective dad (Kevin Hart) in this year's Hyundai Super Bowl commercial. At the same time, you don't want to disappear into the shadows when young men start showing up at your doorstep. As a father, you have an important role to play.

One of your chief responsibilities is to protect your daughter. That's especially important when she's beginning to date. Now that you're approaching that time of life, consider this suggestion from author Dennis Rainey: Interview the boys who aspire to date your daughter.

You heard me right. Before any dates are scheduled, meet with the boys who are interested in your daughter and ask them some serious questions to determine if they're mature and responsible young men of good character. Don't be combative or heavy-handed, but do make it clear how you expect them to treat and behave toward your daughter. It's not about intimidating the boy as much as it is promoting a sense of respect for her.

Another benefit of this exercise is that your daughter will learn how to evaluate potential suitors on her own. And, really, that's the point. Whether it's a high school boy or her future husband, the goal is for your daughter to understand and demand that she be treated with the respect and dignity she deserves. As with most things in life, that education starts right there at home.

Q: My 8-year-old son enjoys playing video games. We try our best to manage his playing time, but recently I saw a news story about how predators target kids through online gaming. Is there anything we can do to protect our son?

A: Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: Kudos for caring enough about your son to manage his gaming activity. Sadly, predators are not easily deterred in their efforts to exploit vulnerabilities of the innocent, so you're wise to exercise parental diligence. The following are measures I'd recommend:

-- If you haven't already done so, be sure that your game system is in a public area of your home where your son's online interactions can be easily monitored.

-- Familiarize yourself with and use the parental controls of the gaming system. Not only can you set time limits, but you can restrict access to inappropriate games.

-- Check the game system settings to make sure any online methods of locating your son are turned off.

-- Teach your son why he must keep personal information private (no last names, addresses, phone numbers, age, school information, photos, etc.).

-- Set clear boundaries and explain why he should never visit chat rooms or engage strangers in online conversation.

-- Establish a rule that allows online gaming only with friends that you and your son both know, and instruct him to tell you if fellow players do anything unsafe or inappropriate.

-- Limit all gaming-related purchases to you and your spouse only.

In connection with this last point, I'd encourage you to check out our pluggedin.com gaming reviews for family-friendliness. This, along with the other guidelines I've mentioned, should help make sure that your son's gaming experience is safe and fun.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. I've abstained from alcohol because of it, but are there other issues I should be concerned about? I don't want this part of my past affecting my own family.

Jim: As someone who's also been influenced by painful and dysfunctional family experiences, I admire your courage in wanting to confront your own challenges. In the case of children of alcoholics, many grow up to have difficulty expressing their feelings. To survive, they learn to insulate themselves against the pain of their environment by "stuffing" emotions like anger and sadness. They may also have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility derived from the necessity of caring for a drunken parent and emotionally supporting other family members during their most formative years. These character traits may be useful in their original setting, but can often become liabilities later in life, especially in a marriage relationship.

Relating to authority figures can also be a problem. Interestingly, this can lead to widely contrasting outcomes, with some victims adopting a rebellious attitude while others become "people pleasers," unable to assert themselves even when they're clearly being taken advantage of. They may also be terribly afraid of abandonment, and will do whatever it takes to hold on to a relationship, even when they're being abused.

For these and other reasons, adult children of alcoholics may end up marrying alcoholics or become alcoholics themselves. Even if they don't drink, they may have extreme "Type A" personalities and display workaholic tendencies.

This description doesn't fit every person who grows up in an alcoholic home. Each person and situation is unique. The good news is that there is effective help available, and our counselors would be pleased to get you pointed in the right direction. Please call them at 855-771-4357.

Q: My fiance and I are going to be married next month. His family is extremely close -- relationally and geographically. And though I'm sure that their presence and influence will be positive for our marriage, I'm concerned we may struggle to establish ourselves as a distinct family unit. Am I worrying needlessly?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I commend you for recognizing that your husband's family situation can be a wonderful blessing, as well as a challenge that needs to be approached wisely. In fact, I wish I'd had the benefit of your insight when I was a newlywed.

My wife, Erin, and I had been married only a few weeks when we took a three-week trip to England with my family. What might have been a dream vacation in another circumstance turned out to be an absolute disaster. The problem: Once in Europe, I reverted to behaving like a son instead of a husband. It was an awkward situation that we weren't equipped to deal with. Looking back, we realized that we needed more time to become comfortable with our new roles and to form our identity as a couple.

Since then, we've recommended that newlyweds take a "leave of absence" from other areas of life for a time and give priority to each other. This not only includes time-consuming hobbies, but your families of origin and friendships as well.

To avoid misunderstanding, explain to your loved ones your reasons for temporarily pulling away. You're simply giving yourselves a chance to establish strong roots at one of the most crucial points in your relationship. When you emerge from this time, you'll be better able to interact with others as a husband or wife, instead of settling into the familiar roles of your past. By doing so, you'll give your marriage its best chance to flourish for years to come.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.