Q: I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. I've abstained from alcohol because of it, but are there other issues I should be concerned about? I don't want this part of my past affecting my own family.

Jim: As someone who's also been influenced by painful and dysfunctional family experiences, I admire your courage in wanting to confront your own challenges. In the case of children of alcoholics, many grow up to have difficulty expressing their feelings. To survive, they learn to insulate themselves against the pain of their environment by "stuffing" emotions like anger and sadness. They may also have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility derived from the necessity of caring for a drunken parent and emotionally supporting other family members during their most formative years. These character traits may be useful in their original setting, but can often become liabilities later in life, especially in a marriage relationship.

Relating to authority figures can also be a problem. Interestingly, this can lead to widely contrasting outcomes, with some victims adopting a rebellious attitude while others become "people pleasers," unable to assert themselves even when they're clearly being taken advantage of. They may also be terribly afraid of abandonment, and will do whatever it takes to hold on to a relationship, even when they're being abused.

For these and other reasons, adult children of alcoholics may end up marrying alcoholics or become alcoholics themselves. Even if they don't drink, they may have extreme "Type A" personalities and display workaholic tendencies.

This description doesn't fit every person who grows up in an alcoholic home. Each person and situation is unique. The good news is that there is effective help available, and our counselors would be pleased to get you pointed in the right direction. Please call them at 855-771-4357.

Q: My fiance and I are going to be married next month. His family is extremely close -- relationally and geographically. And though I'm sure that their presence and influence will be positive for our marriage, I'm concerned we may struggle to establish ourselves as a distinct family unit. Am I worrying needlessly?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I commend you for recognizing that your husband's family situation can be a wonderful blessing, as well as a challenge that needs to be approached wisely. In fact, I wish I'd had the benefit of your insight when I was a newlywed.

My wife, Erin, and I had been married only a few weeks when we took a three-week trip to England with my family. What might have been a dream vacation in another circumstance turned out to be an absolute disaster. The problem: Once in Europe, I reverted to behaving like a son instead of a husband. It was an awkward situation that we weren't equipped to deal with. Looking back, we realized that we needed more time to become comfortable with our new roles and to form our identity as a couple.

Since then, we've recommended that newlyweds take a "leave of absence" from other areas of life for a time and give priority to each other. This not only includes time-consuming hobbies, but your families of origin and friendships as well.

To avoid misunderstanding, explain to your loved ones your reasons for temporarily pulling away. You're simply giving yourselves a chance to establish strong roots at one of the most crucial points in your relationship. When you emerge from this time, you'll be better able to interact with others as a husband or wife, instead of settling into the familiar roles of your past. By doing so, you'll give your marriage its best chance to flourish for years to come.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Does sexual fulfillment decrease as we get older? My spouse and I are in our 60s, and I'm concerned normal aging issues might have negative implications for our relationship in the bedroom.

Jim: Many people seem to believe that libido inevitably fades with age, and that elderly couples who are still interested in sex are abnormal. This idea is largely mythical. In actuality, sexual desire depends more on a state of mind and emotional attitudes than on one's chronological age.

Generally, it's normal to have an ongoing interest in sex throughout one's adult life. Like the young, older people experience the full range of human feelings and emotions. They also need love and affection -- sometimes in large amounts. Researchers have shown that normal interest in and capacity for sex continues into the 80s. It may in some cases decrease in intensity because of specific problems with self-image, such as a feeling that one is no longer attractive, but this is not always true. It can also be affected, of course, by illness, aches and pains, complications of surgical procedures or certain other physical problems that accompany the aging process.

It's important to bear in mind that sexual intimacy in marriage is a lifelong process. Different forms of expression may be appropriate at different phases of the relationship. Where pain or physical incapacity has limited certain types of sexual activity, it's worth remembering that sexual intercourse per se is not necessarily the only option for physical intimacy. Touch, physical closeness, skin-to-skin contact, even intimate conversation can be extremely satisfying in the absence of other forms of sexual pleasure. At every stage of life, healthy attitudes toward marital sex should be characterized by candor, vulnerability, flexibility and willingness to communicate.

Please call one of our licensed therapists at 855-771-4357 if we can help further.

Q: We're a year out before our son is scheduled to begin kindergarten. For a variety of reasons, he won't be attending preschool, and I'm afraid this might put him at a disadvantage next year. Is there anything I can do to compensate for this?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: It's important to understand that cultivating "school readiness" isn't simply a matter of formal academic training. All of a child's early experiences, whether at home or in organized preschool settings, are educational. There are a number of things, then, you can do at home to optimize his chances of succeeding in the academic arena. Here are a few suggestions:

-- Read books aloud with your child. Get him used to handling books and help him recognize the difference between pictures and print.

-- Engage in informal counting activities. This will strengthen your child's understanding of numbers. Familiarize him with the alphabet.

-- Develop reading readiness by promoting your child's phonological awareness. You can do this by reading nursery rhymes, singing and clapping along with songs, and playing games with rhyming words.

-- Spend time talking, playing and cuddling with your child. Take steps to stimulate informal conversation. Give him opportunities to ask lots of questions. Encourage play that promotes creativity, imagination and problem-solving skills.

-- If your child has trouble sitting still, practice having him concentrate on a task for a short period of time (10 minutes). Over several months, increase that time until he can remain focused for 30 minutes or so.

-- Create and maintain a regular routine in your home. Emphasize mealtimes, naptimes, bedtime, etc. Help your child to become comfortable with this rhythm.

-- Encourage behaviors and activities that develop a sense of responsibility in your child (e.g., simple chores) and that demonstrate respect and courtesy.

-- Look for opportunities to develop your child's social skills through playgroups.

If you have additional concerns or if our counselors can be of further help, please call us at 855-771-4357.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Is it appropriate for my mom to demand that I -- a 30-something independent woman -- allow her to "vet" the men in my life? She insists it's her prerogative and responsibility as a parent. I have a potential suitor who's visiting from out of town, and my mother says she needs four hours alone with him so that she can "check him over" and "tell him about me."

Jim: Unfortunately, it sounds like your mom has serious control issues. Wise motherly advice is a good thing when it's offered in the right way. But your mom needs to understand that advice isn't advice until it's requested. Whatever your mother may think, at this stage of your life it's not her place to tell you what to do.

If you think she'd be open to hearing your concerns, I'd suggest you talk to her about your feelings. You might say something like, "Mom, I appreciate your concern for me, but I need to make these types of decisions for myself." Then let her know that she simply doesn't have the right to subject your prospective boyfriends to some kind of interrogation. If she listens and agrees, you've gained your point. If not, you may need to keep your distance. Boundaries are good for all kinds of relationships -- especially relationships with controlling and manipulative personalities.

This isn't to say you shouldn't seek wise counsel from others who know you well. In fact, I'd strongly encourage you to enlist the help of a licensed marriage counselor if your relationship has or may soon be moving in the direction of marriage. Pre-engagement counseling offers the best option for determining if your relationship is marriage material before the ring is purchased and the invitations mailed out. Call us at 855-771-4357 for a referral and other resources.

Q: How can we know whether or not our child is ready to start school? Can you suggest any basic guidelines?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: School readiness is a term that generally refers to the emotional, behavioral and cognitive skills a child needs in order to learn, work and function successfully in school. It's a complex issue. Every child is unique and every situation needs to be evaluated in light of its own special circumstances.

Since you know your child better than anyone else, you are the best person to determine whether and when he's ready to take on the challenge of formal schooling. Here's a basic checklist of questions you can ask as you try to make that assessment:

-- Is your child enthusiastic about starting school? Is he eager to learn?

-- Does he demonstrate a desire to be independent? Can he dress himself, tie his own shoes, use the bathroom on his own and work independently with supervision?

-- Does he have the basic language skills he'll need to succeed in school? Does he speak in full sentences? Can he understand and follow simple instructions? Is he able to identify sound units in words and recognize rhyme?

-- What about basic academic knowledge? Does he know his numbers and his ABCs? Can he identify primary colors and basic shapes? Can he write his own name and recite his own personal information? If not, could he be taught to do so?

-- Has he mastered simple motor skills, such as throwing a ball, skipping or climbing, or working with puzzles, scissors and paints?

-- Is he capable of controlling his behavior and demonstrating acceptable social skills? Can he play and work with others, follow rules and sit still for up to 30 minutes at a time?

If you have additional concerns or if our counselors can be of further help, please call us at 855-771-4357.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.