Q: It seems like every year we look forward to a summer vacation, but it somehow always falls flat and we come home tired and disappointed. How can we change that this year?

Jim: Researchers in the Netherlands set out to measure the effect of vacations on someone's overall happiness. They also wanted to figure out how long the feeling of euphoria lasted. Believe it or not, the largest surge in happiness occurred before the person even left on vacation. In other words, most of us enjoy looking forward to the trip more than actually taking it. Anticipation is often better than realization.

Speaking as a dad of two sons, my most stressful moments are at the airport when we're headed to the vacation. I'm telling the boys to "stay off of that," "don't touch that" or "get off the people-mover." They're just having fun, while I'm frustrated. But the tables turn when we get to the hotel and they find that the pool's been drained -- and then they're frustrated too.

Interestingly enough, there was one caveat within the study I mentioned. If people really and truly relaxed while on vacation, they were just as happy before, during and after the trip.

What's the lesson? You've heard the line in sports: go big or go home. When it comes to taking a vacation, you might try that same logic. Actually "vacate" -- don't try to go on vacation and still work, too. Build plenty of margin into your time away and don't overschedule. Leave some down time and room for spontaneity, and you'll probably be more "up" when you get home.

Q: Our son is turning 10 this month. Many of his friends have had super-extravagant birthday parties with some really pricey gifts. We're not trying to go cheap, but we want to do something that focuses on celebrating him rather than fixating on over-the-top festivities and presents. Any suggestions?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: That's a great way to approach a birthday! Every year of life is a thing to celebrate. If you can direct the celebration toward your son and not make it all about the party, you can make birthdays an opportunity to communicate special value to your child.

Please don't misunderstand me –- I'm not against parties! Taking your son and a few friends to laser tag, a trampoline park or other play places can be a fantastic way to make birthdays fun and memorable. But if his birthday is also a time when your son is reminded of his worth and is encouraged to make strides in character development, you can make an impression that may yield positive results for the rest of his life.

There are lots of simple things you can do toward this end. You may wish to write your son a letter describing his positive qualities and encouraging him to use those in serving others. You can even ask everyone in your family to write a letter about his good traits, then read those notes aloud.

You can choose a character trait that would be appropriate for your son to work on in the coming year of his life, and plan interesting and fun ways to encourage him in his development. Character traits may include responsibility, generosity, kindness –- the list is practically limitless.

Note: This is not the time to point out faults and flaws or try to "fix" your son. This is about giving encouragement and love with no strings attached. I'm sure it will be a memorable time of celebration and affirmation.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Our two teenagers -- brother and sister -- both seem to get overwhelmed when they're assigned tasks at home or school. They start projects, but don't finish them. Do you have any advice?

Jim: There's a great quote attributed to Mark Twain: "The secret to getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one."

I like to use a story to illustrate how to achieve what may seem like an impossible goal, by breaking it down into smaller steps. In 1848, a suspension bridge was scheduled to be built near Niagara Falls, connecting the United States with Canada. The engineers faced a daunting challenge: How were they to get the bridge's first cables across the 800-foot river gorge? The water was too swift and dangerous to pull their lines across by boat.

Their solution was clever. A teenager, Homan Walsh, flew a kite from the Canadian side until it landed on the American side. With this accomplished, the thin kite string was used to pull a slightly thicker rope across the river. Then that rope pulled an even stronger one across. Repeating this method, the engineers were soon able to pull the first steel cable from shore to shore, and the bridge's construction was underway.

Teenagers (and really, all of us) can easily become overwhelmed when facing a large project. But by remembering to "fly a kite," they'll learn how to break assignments into more manageable pieces -- and accomplish more than they ever dreamed.

Q: How can I get my husband to help keep the house clean? I never noticed that he was messy before we were married. Since I'm the one who likes the house clean and orderly, I'm the one who picks up after him and does all the housework. I'm getting tired of it. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: This is actually a fairly common problem. When you and your spouse fell in love, you weren't thinking about housework. Now that you're married, it's a whole different ball game.

If your relationship is to thrive, you'll have to find a mutually satisfactory way to manage this aspect of your life together. It may help to remember that, to a certain extent, this is a question of conflicting personalities. Creative types, for instance, are often less concerned about neatness than people who take a more left-brained approach to life.

Ultimately, nobody can change another person. The only person you can change is yourself. But you can make positive alterations in your living situation and your relationship if you're willing to approach the problem with patience, understanding and lots of love. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind:

-- Be upfront and honest. Assume ownership of your feelings, then voice them candidly and respectfully. Approach the situation as equal partners with the goal of working out an arrangement that's acceptable to both of you.

-- Don't attack your mate. Confront the problem; don't belittle the person.

-- Encourage growth. When you see positive progress taking place, offer praise for your mate's efforts.

-- Recognize that change takes time. Be patient, and let your spouse know that you're in this together for the long haul.

As you go through this process, try to view it as an opportunity for cooperation rather than conflict. A key to the challenge of marriage is striving to understand each other and seeking to meet each other's needs. This is a great area in which to put these principles into practice.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It looks like my husband will be getting a job transfer, which means that we're probably relocating soon. How can we help our kids adjust to the move?

Jim: Relocating has a huge impact on children. It's a significant life change that, for many kids, can be almost as stressful as losing someone to death. A child's sense of loss often goes deeper than parents realize. They may struggle with anxiety about losing familiar surroundings, like their room, or have trouble leaving friends behind. And some children may even feel angry with their parents for forcing such a drastic life change upon them.

First of all, if your move occurs during the summer, help your kids find social connections before the next school year gets under way. Plug them into a church group, a sports league or a youth organization as soon as possible. The faster they develop some relationships, the sooner they'll settle in and feel comfortable with their new surroundings.

On the emotional front, don't play down the changes they're going through. The generic "everything will work out" probably isn't the best approach. Encourage them to express their fears and concerns openly and honestly. And whatever you do, don't deny or minimize what they share. That will only increase their sense of isolation and frustration.

Also, remember that it's normal for some children to experience a temporary regression in behavior after a move. They may act unusually agitated or irritable, or you may even see a drop in their grades. Keep a close eye on them, but don't panic. They likely just need some time and space. But bear in mind that they probably won't adjust to their new situation overnight. It could take a few weeks -- or for some kids, several months. So be patient and understanding, but take heart: Life will eventually normalize again.

Q: Our youngest child is heading off to college this fall, and my wife and I will be empty nesters. We know of other couples in our position that even divorced. How can we handle this transition?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're wise to think about a life-altering transition of this magnitude before it happens. Your marriage can thrive after the kids leave home if you and your spouse are willing to make it happen. Among other things, this means constantly working on your communication skills, and committing that both of you have a voice in decisions. It's also a matter of putting forth an intentional effort to date each other on a regular basis.

Start by sitting down (or getting away) with your spouse. Acknowledge that the "empty nest" is coming, and discuss your expectations for the post-parenting years. Conduct a thorough inventory of your marriage. Take stock of the methods and strategies you use to confront interpersonal conflicts and challenges. Look for patterns that might become problematic when there's no one else around to act as a buffer between you. Strip away the layers of busyness and outward activity that go along with raising children and let your marriage stand on its own merits.

You should also be aware of, and honest about, your temperaments and personality types. Talk about how each of you interacts with the rest of the family. If there's some baggage in those areas, professional counseling is a must if you want to preserve and revitalize your relationship during the empty nest years.

The goal is to rediscover what attracted you to each other in the first place and find new ways to fan the flames of romance. It's a tougher assignment for some couples than for others, but it can definitely be done -- and you're on the right track.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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