Q: Our two teenagers -- brother and sister -- both seem to get overwhelmed when they're assigned tasks at home or school. They start projects, but don't finish them. Do you have any advice?

Jim: There's a great quote attributed to Mark Twain: "The secret to getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small, manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one."

I like to use a story to illustrate how to achieve what may seem like an impossible goal, by breaking it down into smaller steps. In 1848, a suspension bridge was scheduled to be built near Niagara Falls, connecting the United States with Canada. The engineers faced a daunting challenge: How were they to get the bridge's first cables across the 800-foot river gorge? The water was too swift and dangerous to pull their lines across by boat.

Their solution was clever. A teenager, Homan Walsh, flew a kite from the Canadian side until it landed on the American side. With this accomplished, the thin kite string was used to pull a slightly thicker rope across the river. Then that rope pulled an even stronger one across. Repeating this method, the engineers were soon able to pull the first steel cable from shore to shore, and the bridge's construction was underway.

Teenagers (and really, all of us) can easily become overwhelmed when facing a large project. But by remembering to "fly a kite," they'll learn how to break assignments into more manageable pieces -- and accomplish more than they ever dreamed.

Q: How can I get my husband to help keep the house clean? I never noticed that he was messy before we were married. Since I'm the one who likes the house clean and orderly, I'm the one who picks up after him and does all the housework. I'm getting tired of it. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: This is actually a fairly common problem. When you and your spouse fell in love, you weren't thinking about housework. Now that you're married, it's a whole different ball game.

If your relationship is to thrive, you'll have to find a mutually satisfactory way to manage this aspect of your life together. It may help to remember that, to a certain extent, this is a question of conflicting personalities. Creative types, for instance, are often less concerned about neatness than people who take a more left-brained approach to life.

Ultimately, nobody can change another person. The only person you can change is yourself. But you can make positive alterations in your living situation and your relationship if you're willing to approach the problem with patience, understanding and lots of love. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind:

-- Be upfront and honest. Assume ownership of your feelings, then voice them candidly and respectfully. Approach the situation as equal partners with the goal of working out an arrangement that's acceptable to both of you.

-- Don't attack your mate. Confront the problem; don't belittle the person.

-- Encourage growth. When you see positive progress taking place, offer praise for your mate's efforts.

-- Recognize that change takes time. Be patient, and let your spouse know that you're in this together for the long haul.

As you go through this process, try to view it as an opportunity for cooperation rather than conflict. A key to the challenge of marriage is striving to understand each other and seeking to meet each other's needs. This is a great area in which to put these principles into practice.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It looks like my husband will be getting a job transfer, which means that we're probably relocating soon. How can we help our kids adjust to the move?

Jim: Relocating has a huge impact on children. It's a significant life change that, for many kids, can be almost as stressful as losing someone to death. A child's sense of loss often goes deeper than parents realize. They may struggle with anxiety about losing familiar surroundings, like their room, or have trouble leaving friends behind. And some children may even feel angry with their parents for forcing such a drastic life change upon them.

First of all, if your move occurs during the summer, help your kids find social connections before the next school year gets under way. Plug them into a church group, a sports league or a youth organization as soon as possible. The faster they develop some relationships, the sooner they'll settle in and feel comfortable with their new surroundings.

On the emotional front, don't play down the changes they're going through. The generic "everything will work out" probably isn't the best approach. Encourage them to express their fears and concerns openly and honestly. And whatever you do, don't deny or minimize what they share. That will only increase their sense of isolation and frustration.

Also, remember that it's normal for some children to experience a temporary regression in behavior after a move. They may act unusually agitated or irritable, or you may even see a drop in their grades. Keep a close eye on them, but don't panic. They likely just need some time and space. But bear in mind that they probably won't adjust to their new situation overnight. It could take a few weeks -- or for some kids, several months. So be patient and understanding, but take heart: Life will eventually normalize again.

Q: Our youngest child is heading off to college this fall, and my wife and I will be empty nesters. We know of other couples in our position that even divorced. How can we handle this transition?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're wise to think about a life-altering transition of this magnitude before it happens. Your marriage can thrive after the kids leave home if you and your spouse are willing to make it happen. Among other things, this means constantly working on your communication skills, and committing that both of you have a voice in decisions. It's also a matter of putting forth an intentional effort to date each other on a regular basis.

Start by sitting down (or getting away) with your spouse. Acknowledge that the "empty nest" is coming, and discuss your expectations for the post-parenting years. Conduct a thorough inventory of your marriage. Take stock of the methods and strategies you use to confront interpersonal conflicts and challenges. Look for patterns that might become problematic when there's no one else around to act as a buffer between you. Strip away the layers of busyness and outward activity that go along with raising children and let your marriage stand on its own merits.

You should also be aware of, and honest about, your temperaments and personality types. Talk about how each of you interacts with the rest of the family. If there's some baggage in those areas, professional counseling is a must if you want to preserve and revitalize your relationship during the empty nest years.

The goal is to rediscover what attracted you to each other in the first place and find new ways to fan the flames of romance. It's a tougher assignment for some couples than for others, but it can definitely be done -- and you're on the right track.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I agree that overall, our marriage is in good shape. But we know we can probably do even better. What are some simple things we can try?

Jim: I like the analogy presented by author Kim Wier. This is the time of year when we think about "spring cleaning" around the house. It's a concept that applies to marriage as well.

Living in the South, Kim understands that cleaning house in the spring is necessary due to her allergic reaction to the pollen in the air. She also realizes that marriages can often be, in her words, "plagued by irritants." Pressures at work, raising children and financial stress all lead to petty annoyances that, over time, can grow into serious relational problems. To keep things fresh, Kim offers three simple suggestions:

-- First, de-clutter. Agree on at least one thing you can cut out of your schedules to minimize stress. Also, work on eliminating grudges (toward each other or someone else). If you need to work through deeper hurts, don't be afraid to ask for help.

-- Second, polish. As Kim says, care for yourselves "like you did when you longed to catch each other's eye." Commit to focused communication, as well –- face to face, with no distractions.

-- Third, make room. Take time for just the two of you, even if it means squeezing in a five-minute walk here and there. If one of you is traveling, talk by phone or video chat.

Every relationship could use a good spring cleaning from time to time. Taking a few moments to sweep away the dust and cobwebs can leave you breathing easier -- and your marriage stronger.

Q: Now that my adolescent son has his learner's permit, how can I adequately prepare him to drive? I'm more than a little apprehensive about him becoming a driver at such a young age.

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: It's no coincidence that automobile insurance rates are greatly increased for adolescent drivers, especially males. But most teens do really want to learn how to drive safely. This is a time to influence a young driver's behavior for life, passing on skills and knowledge that may save lives many years in the future.

First, be patient. Helping your son learn to drive may be a nerve-wracking experience for you, but it's even more so for him. Give directions calmly and clearly, and be generous with encouragement and praise.

Second, it's important to model safe driving habits yourself. Observe traffic laws and be courteous of other drivers. For better or worse, kids imitate their parents.

Third, consider granting driving privileges on an incremental basis (some states do this as part of the licensing process). For example, initially allow your son to drive only in the day, and then progress to letting him drive at night with adult supervision. This allows him to gain experience while reducing some of the risks.

Fourth, emphasize basic safety rules (seatbelts, etc.). This is another area where your example speaks louder than your words. And your son should never drive if he is drowsy or otherwise impaired. While there are many good reasons for him to abstain from alcohol and drugs, let him know that he can always call you for a ride in order to avoid being in a car with an impaired driver -- whether himself or someone else.

Finally, if he refuses to correct unsafe driving patterns or habits, don't let him have the keys. He needs to learn that driving is a privilege, not a right. Your first priority is to keep him -- and others on the road -- alive and well while he learns to drive safely and skillfully.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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