Q: It looks like my husband will be getting a job transfer, which means that we're probably relocating soon. How can we help our kids adjust to the move?

Jim: Relocating has a huge impact on children. It's a significant life change that, for many kids, can be almost as stressful as losing someone to death. A child's sense of loss often goes deeper than parents realize. They may struggle with anxiety about losing familiar surroundings, like their room, or have trouble leaving friends behind. And some children may even feel angry with their parents for forcing such a drastic life change upon them.

First of all, if your move occurs during the summer, help your kids find social connections before the next school year gets under way. Plug them into a church group, a sports league or a youth organization as soon as possible. The faster they develop some relationships, the sooner they'll settle in and feel comfortable with their new surroundings.

On the emotional front, don't play down the changes they're going through. The generic "everything will work out" probably isn't the best approach. Encourage them to express their fears and concerns openly and honestly. And whatever you do, don't deny or minimize what they share. That will only increase their sense of isolation and frustration.

Also, remember that it's normal for some children to experience a temporary regression in behavior after a move. They may act unusually agitated or irritable, or you may even see a drop in their grades. Keep a close eye on them, but don't panic. They likely just need some time and space. But bear in mind that they probably won't adjust to their new situation overnight. It could take a few weeks -- or for some kids, several months. So be patient and understanding, but take heart: Life will eventually normalize again.

Q: Our youngest child is heading off to college this fall, and my wife and I will be empty nesters. We know of other couples in our position that even divorced. How can we handle this transition?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're wise to think about a life-altering transition of this magnitude before it happens. Your marriage can thrive after the kids leave home if you and your spouse are willing to make it happen. Among other things, this means constantly working on your communication skills, and committing that both of you have a voice in decisions. It's also a matter of putting forth an intentional effort to date each other on a regular basis.

Start by sitting down (or getting away) with your spouse. Acknowledge that the "empty nest" is coming, and discuss your expectations for the post-parenting years. Conduct a thorough inventory of your marriage. Take stock of the methods and strategies you use to confront interpersonal conflicts and challenges. Look for patterns that might become problematic when there's no one else around to act as a buffer between you. Strip away the layers of busyness and outward activity that go along with raising children and let your marriage stand on its own merits.

You should also be aware of, and honest about, your temperaments and personality types. Talk about how each of you interacts with the rest of the family. If there's some baggage in those areas, professional counseling is a must if you want to preserve and revitalize your relationship during the empty nest years.

The goal is to rediscover what attracted you to each other in the first place and find new ways to fan the flames of romance. It's a tougher assignment for some couples than for others, but it can definitely be done -- and you're on the right track.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I agree that overall, our marriage is in good shape. But we know we can probably do even better. What are some simple things we can try?

Jim: I like the analogy presented by author Kim Wier. This is the time of year when we think about "spring cleaning" around the house. It's a concept that applies to marriage as well.

Living in the South, Kim understands that cleaning house in the spring is necessary due to her allergic reaction to the pollen in the air. She also realizes that marriages can often be, in her words, "plagued by irritants." Pressures at work, raising children and financial stress all lead to petty annoyances that, over time, can grow into serious relational problems. To keep things fresh, Kim offers three simple suggestions:

-- First, de-clutter. Agree on at least one thing you can cut out of your schedules to minimize stress. Also, work on eliminating grudges (toward each other or someone else). If you need to work through deeper hurts, don't be afraid to ask for help.

-- Second, polish. As Kim says, care for yourselves "like you did when you longed to catch each other's eye." Commit to focused communication, as well –- face to face, with no distractions.

-- Third, make room. Take time for just the two of you, even if it means squeezing in a five-minute walk here and there. If one of you is traveling, talk by phone or video chat.

Every relationship could use a good spring cleaning from time to time. Taking a few moments to sweep away the dust and cobwebs can leave you breathing easier -- and your marriage stronger.

Q: Now that my adolescent son has his learner's permit, how can I adequately prepare him to drive? I'm more than a little apprehensive about him becoming a driver at such a young age.

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: It's no coincidence that automobile insurance rates are greatly increased for adolescent drivers, especially males. But most teens do really want to learn how to drive safely. This is a time to influence a young driver's behavior for life, passing on skills and knowledge that may save lives many years in the future.

First, be patient. Helping your son learn to drive may be a nerve-wracking experience for you, but it's even more so for him. Give directions calmly and clearly, and be generous with encouragement and praise.

Second, it's important to model safe driving habits yourself. Observe traffic laws and be courteous of other drivers. For better or worse, kids imitate their parents.

Third, consider granting driving privileges on an incremental basis (some states do this as part of the licensing process). For example, initially allow your son to drive only in the day, and then progress to letting him drive at night with adult supervision. This allows him to gain experience while reducing some of the risks.

Fourth, emphasize basic safety rules (seatbelts, etc.). This is another area where your example speaks louder than your words. And your son should never drive if he is drowsy or otherwise impaired. While there are many good reasons for him to abstain from alcohol and drugs, let him know that he can always call you for a ride in order to avoid being in a car with an impaired driver -- whether himself or someone else.

Finally, if he refuses to correct unsafe driving patterns or habits, don't let him have the keys. He needs to learn that driving is a privilege, not a right. Your first priority is to keep him -- and others on the road -- alive and well while he learns to drive safely and skillfully.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've heard that your organization supports foster care and adoption. I'm somewhat curious, but also a bit hesitant -- and our family already has a lot on our plate. Should we get involved?

Jim: Both of my parents died by the time I was 12; I was an orphan in elementary school. So my heart goes out to the 143 million children worldwide who hunger for the chance to call someone "Mom" and "Dad." I know what it feels like to drift through life without the anchor of a parent's love. That's why Focus on the Family began the "Wait No More" campaign.

When we think of orphans, we often picture poor kids in Third World slums. That's certainly a serious global issue that deserves more attention. But there are more than 100,000 orphaned children in the American foster care system. They go to sleep at night dreaming of real homes full of hugs and laughter. They long to be accepted.

Our American culture embraces a "me first" attitude that rejects the idea of self-sacrifice. We're faced with endless opportunities to entertain ourselves with sports, movies, hobbies and possessions. Those things aren't inherently wrong. But when we pursue them so much that we fail to love and care for those among us who are hurting, we need to rethink our priorities.

Adoption certainly isn't for every family. But I'm guessing there are many couples who might find room in their hearts for a child who doesn't have a place to call home. And there are numerous ways that families who don't adopt can help those who do. For more information, contact your local social services department or visit Focus on the Family's special website, ICareAboutOrphans.org.

Q: How can we get our finicky 4-year-old to eat what we give her? Her selective eating habits are driving us crazy. I see this as disobedience, but my spouse fears that making an issue of it will lead to eating disorders later. Help!

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: First, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page and can work as a united team to map out and follow a plan of action. And rest easy: responding to mealtime willfulness with appropriate consequences will not cause an eating disorder later in life.

Begin by setting firm guidelines as to what she eats, how she eats it and how long it takes to finish a meal. Make it clear that you expect her to eat what you prepare. You can offer a choice between two equally nutritious options -- say, broccoli or beans as the vegetable -- but don't allow her to pick between beans and crackers.

Most importantly, don't turn meals into power struggles. Just give clear, simple instructions about your expectations and then move forward with your normal mealtime routine. If you provide a wholesome selection of foods and she isn't interested, don't fight or force her to sit for hours at the table until she eats it. Give her a reasonable amount of time to finish her food, then put it in the refrigerator until she's hungry. Don't allow her to become stuck in a rut of three or four foods that are "the only things she ever eats." She won't starve if you hold your ground.

Note: Be aware if she's responding to certain textures -- some children can be more reactive than others in their sensory world, including food.

Remember, Mom and Dad must agree on how to respond to this issue, and each of you needs to stick with the plan and follow through on it. Otherwise, the problem will persist and your mutual frustration level will only increase.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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