Q: My husband and I agree that overall, our marriage is in good shape. But we know we can probably do even better. What are some simple things we can try?

Jim: I like the analogy presented by author Kim Wier. This is the time of year when we think about "spring cleaning" around the house. It's a concept that applies to marriage as well.

Living in the South, Kim understands that cleaning house in the spring is necessary due to her allergic reaction to the pollen in the air. She also realizes that marriages can often be, in her words, "plagued by irritants." Pressures at work, raising children and financial stress all lead to petty annoyances that, over time, can grow into serious relational problems. To keep things fresh, Kim offers three simple suggestions:

-- First, de-clutter. Agree on at least one thing you can cut out of your schedules to minimize stress. Also, work on eliminating grudges (toward each other or someone else). If you need to work through deeper hurts, don't be afraid to ask for help.

-- Second, polish. As Kim says, care for yourselves "like you did when you longed to catch each other's eye." Commit to focused communication, as well –- face to face, with no distractions.

-- Third, make room. Take time for just the two of you, even if it means squeezing in a five-minute walk here and there. If one of you is traveling, talk by phone or video chat.

Every relationship could use a good spring cleaning from time to time. Taking a few moments to sweep away the dust and cobwebs can leave you breathing easier -- and your marriage stronger.

Q: Now that my adolescent son has his learner's permit, how can I adequately prepare him to drive? I'm more than a little apprehensive about him becoming a driver at such a young age.

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: It's no coincidence that automobile insurance rates are greatly increased for adolescent drivers, especially males. But most teens do really want to learn how to drive safely. This is a time to influence a young driver's behavior for life, passing on skills and knowledge that may save lives many years in the future.

First, be patient. Helping your son learn to drive may be a nerve-wracking experience for you, but it's even more so for him. Give directions calmly and clearly, and be generous with encouragement and praise.

Second, it's important to model safe driving habits yourself. Observe traffic laws and be courteous of other drivers. For better or worse, kids imitate their parents.

Third, consider granting driving privileges on an incremental basis (some states do this as part of the licensing process). For example, initially allow your son to drive only in the day, and then progress to letting him drive at night with adult supervision. This allows him to gain experience while reducing some of the risks.

Fourth, emphasize basic safety rules (seatbelts, etc.). This is another area where your example speaks louder than your words. And your son should never drive if he is drowsy or otherwise impaired. While there are many good reasons for him to abstain from alcohol and drugs, let him know that he can always call you for a ride in order to avoid being in a car with an impaired driver -- whether himself or someone else.

Finally, if he refuses to correct unsafe driving patterns or habits, don't let him have the keys. He needs to learn that driving is a privilege, not a right. Your first priority is to keep him -- and others on the road -- alive and well while he learns to drive safely and skillfully.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've heard that your organization supports foster care and adoption. I'm somewhat curious, but also a bit hesitant -- and our family already has a lot on our plate. Should we get involved?

Jim: Both of my parents died by the time I was 12; I was an orphan in elementary school. So my heart goes out to the 143 million children worldwide who hunger for the chance to call someone "Mom" and "Dad." I know what it feels like to drift through life without the anchor of a parent's love. That's why Focus on the Family began the "Wait No More" campaign.

When we think of orphans, we often picture poor kids in Third World slums. That's certainly a serious global issue that deserves more attention. But there are more than 100,000 orphaned children in the American foster care system. They go to sleep at night dreaming of real homes full of hugs and laughter. They long to be accepted.

Our American culture embraces a "me first" attitude that rejects the idea of self-sacrifice. We're faced with endless opportunities to entertain ourselves with sports, movies, hobbies and possessions. Those things aren't inherently wrong. But when we pursue them so much that we fail to love and care for those among us who are hurting, we need to rethink our priorities.

Adoption certainly isn't for every family. But I'm guessing there are many couples who might find room in their hearts for a child who doesn't have a place to call home. And there are numerous ways that families who don't adopt can help those who do. For more information, contact your local social services department or visit Focus on the Family's special website, ICareAboutOrphans.org.

Q: How can we get our finicky 4-year-old to eat what we give her? Her selective eating habits are driving us crazy. I see this as disobedience, but my spouse fears that making an issue of it will lead to eating disorders later. Help!

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting: First, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page and can work as a united team to map out and follow a plan of action. And rest easy: responding to mealtime willfulness with appropriate consequences will not cause an eating disorder later in life.

Begin by setting firm guidelines as to what she eats, how she eats it and how long it takes to finish a meal. Make it clear that you expect her to eat what you prepare. You can offer a choice between two equally nutritious options -- say, broccoli or beans as the vegetable -- but don't allow her to pick between beans and crackers.

Most importantly, don't turn meals into power struggles. Just give clear, simple instructions about your expectations and then move forward with your normal mealtime routine. If you provide a wholesome selection of foods and she isn't interested, don't fight or force her to sit for hours at the table until she eats it. Give her a reasonable amount of time to finish her food, then put it in the refrigerator until she's hungry. Don't allow her to become stuck in a rut of three or four foods that are "the only things she ever eats." She won't starve if you hold your ground.

Note: Be aware if she's responding to certain textures -- some children can be more reactive than others in their sensory world, including food.

Remember, Mom and Dad must agree on how to respond to this issue, and each of you needs to stick with the plan and follow through on it. Otherwise, the problem will persist and your mutual frustration level will only increase.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I've connected with a young woman from another state on the Internet. We've talked a lot on the phone and are interested in exploring our relationship further, but so far we've never met in person. Do you have any advice as to how we should proceed?

Jim: I'd encourage you to set up a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Bring a list of questions for each other and maximize your time together by making an intentional effort to get to know each other better. This may seem a bit strained and awkward -- operating in "agenda mode." But it's really the best way to get from where you are to where you want to be. Whatever you do, avoid muddling around in cyberspace.

Why do we say this? Because while online dating can be a useful tool for initiating contact with another person, the Internet is not the place to develop meaningful and lasting relationships. For that, you need lots of time and plenty of face-to-face interaction.

In view of this, I'd recommend allowing at least a year to develop and deepen your relationship should you both decide to pursue things further. You may be tempted to believe that technology will enable you to cut corners, but it simply isn't true. Insist on reality and accept no substitutes.

A word about trust and trustworthiness as you embark upon this journey: In the beginning, it's important to guard your heart and resist the temptation to trust the other person too easily. Instead, work on becoming trustworthy yourself. Rather than "selling" yourself, make up your mind to be a man of integrity -- honest, upright and forthcoming in all your dealings with people. If you can do this, you'll be laying a solid foundation for the kind of love that can last a lifetime.

Q: What are some reasonable financial goals for newlyweds? My husband is already talking about buying a house and new car. Meanwhile, I'm concerned about paying rent and buying groceries.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Finances are an important part of the marriage relationship, and working together to establish healthy financial goals and attitudes before the wedding is a wise move. Equally critical, however, is the need to concentrate on getting to know each other and strengthening the bonds of intimacy.

This being the case, I'd encourage you to not get ahead of, and overextend, yourselves financially. It's easy for young couples to assume that getting married means diving into the "adult world" as they've observed it at home, complete with all the possessions and pleasures of their parents' current lifestyle. But this is a serious mistake. For one thing, it's unrealistic. For another, it's a dangerous diversion from more important priorities.

Here are a few tips that can help you get started on the road to financial security and marital intimacy.

-- Think in terms of "we," not "me." This means abandoning selfish attitudes and sharing all of your resources, whether spiritual, emotional or material.

-- Live within your means and practice self-discipline. If you can't afford something, don't buy it.

-- Be intentional about creating a workable financial plan, giving generously and strategically building your financial resources step by step.

-- Don't make major financial decisions without talking them over thoroughly.

-- Sit down together at least once a month and create a spending plan. This will enhance your communication and encourage healthy decision-making in all aspects of your marriage.

If finances are becoming a bone of contention, I invite you to call us at 855-771-4357 for a referral to a trained counselor who can help you examine your relationship and determine which areas need to be shored up.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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