Q: Sometimes I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I try to be consistent with my kids, but there are days when I just don't give them the attention they deserve, or have the patience with them that I should. I'm afraid that I'm going to mess things up and lose my connection with them by the time they're grown.

Jim: I know how you feel because I've been there, too! But that's one reason I love this time of year. Spring is all about renewal. The warm weather is coming, the flowers are poking out of the dirt, and the days are getting longer. Of course, we also celebrate Easter, which for many people is all about God reaching down and offering humanity a second chance.

As parents, we know that second chances are a part of everyday life. We struggle and strive to help our children do the right thing. But sometimes, they fall short of the mark. When that happens, it's our job to help them get back up, dust themselves off and try again. Sometimes, if they've been disobedient, they might need appropriate correction to get them back on track. Other times, our kids simply need an arm around them and a word of encouragement to do better next time. Either way, it's all about extending grace and forgiveness.

Here's the crazy thing: As Moms and Dads, you and I need that grace and forgiveness from our children! There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Sometimes -- maybe even much of the time -- we make mistakes. We lose our temper. We fail to make time for our kids. We accuse them of something they didn't do. Thankfully, children are resilient. If we're honest and humble when we mess up, they're more than happy to come running back into our arms and forgive us.

Within a loving family, there is always room for second chances. And thirds. And fourths.

Q: I'm recently married. My husband and I are discovering (the hard way) that we deal with life stresses differently, and we're struggling to understand each other. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Welcome to married life -- and a reality check! Stress can often cause us to function in an out-of-balance mode where we end up operating in the extremes of our personalities. This perhaps occurs most often when we feel pressured.

Research shows that men and women deal with stress differently. As a man's stress level increases, his body produces more of the oxytocin hormone, which is further influenced by testosterone. These chemicals trigger a fight-or-flight response. In other words, when stressed, men either act more aggressively or withdraw (we like to say "go into their cave").

Women also produce more oxytocin, but it's coupled with estrogen and has a different result: When stressed, women tend to lean into relationships, either protectively nurturing their children or seeking out other female friends. Researchers have called this the "tend and befriend" response.

Basically, these chemical reactions set men and women up to respond very differently during times of stress -- the perfect combination for conflict. Women want to connect, while men may feel more ready to pick a fight or withdraw. Understanding that contrast can go a long way toward helping you find common ground.

Note that sometimes gender differences can seem pretty stereotypical. This scenario may look somewhat different in your marriage, but researchers have found it to occur in many relationships.

How you respond to your spouse when they're under stress has a direct impact on their behavior toward you -- and, of course, vice versa. As we continue to understand how our mates are different, it allows us to love them more fully. If you'd like more ideas for ways to connect and thrive as a couple, check out our website at focusonthefamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Our family schedule is pretty crazy, and it seems like we're all just getting busier. We're trying to make changes, but meanwhile I'm concerned about staying connected with our children in what little "free time" we have. What do you suggest?

Jim: Parenting can certainly be challenging, and it's easy to let the serious business fill every hollow. But sometimes you just have to know when to be playful.

I'll share a personal example. I came home from work one day just as my boys came dragging into the house from the backyard. Troy was limping and Trent had a black and blue mark emerging on his chin. "What happened?" I asked. Troy said, "Don't jump on the trampoline with Mom. She landed on my ankle." Then Trent said, "Her knee cracked me right in the jaw."

Obviously, that playtime didn't go so well, but believe it or not, it did have a positive outcome. First, it was a moment we all still laugh about. But more importantly, Jean's playfulness drew the boys closer to her. The bum ankle and sore jaw are long forgotten, but my boys will always remember their mom taking time out of her busy schedule to play with them.

That's a great reminder for every parent. The pressures of adult life can make us a little too serious sometimes. Be playful. Play board games, wrestle on the floor, throw the ball around. Find something your children like to do and join them. It'll deepen your relationship with them, and they'll see you as more than a disciplinarian or someone who cooks dinner and does the laundry. They'll see you as someone who really enjoys spending time with them whenever you can. And to a child, that equals feeling loved.

Q: Our son is 10 years old. Up to this point, I'll admit that we didn't give much thought to entertainment, since he was content with what we gave him. But now he's starting to develop his own interests and tastes, and we want to establish some reasonable guidelines. What are your thoughts?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: The key is to avoid extremes. Many parents take an "all or nothing" approach, rather than teaching and reinforcing values on a case-by-case basis. These Moms and Dads tend to swing to one extreme or the other -- something that's easy to do.

The first extreme is permissiveness. Some parents seemingly can't say no to their children. They so much want to be liked by their kids that they seldom risk setting limits. They adopt an "anything goes" philosophy: No boundaries, everything is OK, do what you want. This approach leads to "indecent exposure" as children wander, aimless and wide-eyed, through the mire of the entertainment culture. We have to be parents who know how and when to say no.

The other extreme is legalism. Parents at this end of the spectrum rarely explain their decisions, but simply respond with a blanket "No." This type of parenting purports to be about safeguarding. It isn't. While this approach may simplify entertainment decisions, it also can breed rebellion. Human nature being what it is, at some point kids will want to sample "forbidden fruit" just because "everything" has been refused without context. That's why we also need to be parents who can say yes when it's warranted.

Neither of the extremes works. A discerning middle ground -- that not only articulates what (yes or no) but also why -- is the most reasonable and protective plan of action. Teaching discernment encourages balance, leads to critical thinking, bonds families, and gives tweens and teens life skills they'll carry throughout adulthood.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I'm getting married in June. My fiancee and I want to have a great lifelong relationship, so we're asking various people for advice and input. What's your perspective?

Jim: Every couple wants a loving marriage that'll endure for the long haul. So it's worth asking, "Why do so few relationships seem to actually experience that kind of genuine intimacy?"

I think part of the answer lies in what we expect from relationships. The primary reason we're attracted to people is because of the way they make us feel. Now, I want as much as anyone to experience good feelings in my marriage. But superficial emotions like that aren't enough of a foundation to sustain a relationship or to create deep, fulfilling intimacy. That's because as soon as the good feelings disappear, so does the person's commitment to the relationship. It's why people abandon friendships. And it's why people give up on marriages.

True love is something quite different. Love is patient and understanding. And, yes, love can be hard. It sacrifices for someone else and chooses to stay with them in spite of their faults. Instead of running away, love faces challenges head on, so it can break through to something richer and more meaningful. As one person put it, love is "seeing the darkness in another person, yet resisting the impulse to jump ship."

Very few things in life are as enriching as true intimacy in marriage. The path to authentic, soul-fulfilling intimacy in a relationship isn't always strewn with rose petals; sometimes there are a few thorns along the way. But it's definitely worth the work.

Q: My husband and I both seem to be angry all the time. We end up taking it out on each other, even though neither of us wants to live this way. How do we break this cycle?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It helps to acknowledge that anger is a secondary emotion, not a primary feeling. It generally disguises other emotions and often occurs after we've felt fear, frustration, hurt or some combination of these three emotions. And sometimes anger is triggered by an unfulfilled expectation that causes us to feel disappointed.

So when you experience anger, or you encounter someone who is angry, try to remember that there is likely more to the picture. Sometimes it's easier to feel compassion for ourselves or others when we realize that fear, frustration or hurt is hidden underneath smoldering anger.

This certainly doesn't give us, or anyone else, the right to explode in rage at someone. But recognizing that anger is often a secondary reaction to inner fear or hurt can help us respond to angry people, including our spouses, with understanding and compassion.

In every scenario, we have a choice: We can recognize that our emotions are normal responses to everyday occurrences, or we can ignore our emotions and stuff them. When we mismanage our anger, we risk destroying relationships -- especially with those we love the most.

Again, that's the key thing about anger: how we handle it. When we handle it poorly, we push away those we love the most, leaving a trail of damaged relationships in our wake. Ultimately, unhealthy ways of dealing with anger can be passed from one generation to the next, causing even more destruction. But when we deal with anger in healthy ways, it can lead to greater understanding and intimacy in our marriages.

To get started, you may well need some qualified professional help. Our staff of licensed counselors is available to speak with you and provide you with a local referral. You can reach them for a free consultation Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. MST at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.