Q: What's the relationship between fatherlessness and violent behavior among adolescent boys? I'm wondering about this because statistics show that an increasing number of children are growing up in homes where no father is present.

Jim: As the president of a large family-help organization, and as a boy who grew up without a dad, I can testify that these two phenomena are closely related. There are many factors and dynamics, but one of them has to do with the specifically masculine way in which men tend to play with their kids.

As you're probably aware, Moms and Dads play differently. Boys have an inborn need to engage in rough-and-tumble activity from an early age. It's one of the ways they gain self-confidence and learn to gauge their own strength. Dad is the one who can help them in this area. Mom may worry that "someone will get hurt" when father and son start wrestling on the floor, but there's an important sense in which that's precisely the point. A friendly scuffle with Dad -- in a safe and controlled environment -- goes a long way toward teaching kids about appropriate boundaries in play. And in the process, fathers are afforded a great opportunity to affirm their sons' strength and skill.

So what happens when a boy grows up without this kind of interaction with his dad? This is where the connection between fatherlessness and teen violence rears its ugly head. If a boy doesn't learn about appropriate boundaries in physical activity, and if he doesn't get the masculine affirmation he needs from his father, he may feel driven to "prove" himself somehow. He'll enter the adolescent years with a deep-seated need to let others know that he's a person who deserves respect. And he may end up demanding it in some pretty unhealthy ways.

Q: I realize that I need to "be the parent" when it comes to setting boundaries for my kids' media and entertainment consumption. I'm guessing that they won't be overjoyed with having rules and guidelines, but is there a strategy or an approach I can take that is more likely to be effective in getting them to buy in?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: When establishing media standards, one point that's particularly helpful for kids to understand is that they're not alone in needing to have boundaries in their lives. Discipline in all areas of life is healthy and necessary. In fact, when it comes to labeling entertainment as "acceptable" or "out of bounds," almost all of us do it to varying degrees. With movies for instance, millions use the MPAA ratings as their film-viewing boundary marker. Others may contend that they have no boundaries at all, but the truth is, even these individuals have their limits.

Once your children realize that establishing boundaries is healthy and universal, then the natural question and discussion ensues of determining where to draw that line. I'm not a fan of relying on gut feelings, Uncle Joe or ratings, as they are often misleading and untrustworthy from a discernment perspective. Better questions to ask are, "Will I become a better person if I play this video game, listen to this song or watch this TV show or movie?" or, "Will it inspire me? Will it encourage me to a life of greater virtue, sacrifice and service of others?" or, "Will it be of benefit to my inner self, my thoughts and my decision making?"

If the answer is no, then help your kids learn that this is where to set the boundary.

Fortunately, with a bit of research (see pluggedin.com), there are a lot of media products that fall within the acceptable and healthy consumption category.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can fathers help their girls learn about modesty? I want my daughter to get a handle on this concept before she becomes a teen, but I feel awkward addressing this subject with her. What's my role here?

Jim: For a girl, Dad is usually the first man in her life. How he treats her will affect her relationship with other men throughout her teenage years and adulthood. He also has a huge influence in terms of the way he shows his appreciation for his daughter's femininity and in how he encourages her to express it.

When it comes to teaching girls the basics of appropriate attire, it's Mom who should, whenever possible, exercise the heavy hand on occasions when boundaries need to be enforced. By way of contrast, Dad needs to affirm his daughter, show her that he's there for her, and help her understand the rationale behind the rules.

In short, a girl needs to know that her father cares about her. She needs to be convinced that he's acting out of a desire to protect her and isn't just cramping her style. This means that Dad should watch for those occasions when his daughter does it right. If she comes downstairs in a becoming, appropriate outfit, he needs to make a big deal of it. Equally important is to affirm her beauty in natural and everyday settings.

On the other hand, when your daughter gets it wrong, you have the opportunity to come alongside her and ask, "Why did you choose to wear that? What do you think it says about you and how you view your own femininity?" Use the occasion to talk about respect between the sexes and the kind of clothes and behavior that can nurture or destroy it. You can turn the world into a classroom to teach your daughter what it means to respect herself and to communicate that respect to others through the way she dresses.

Q: When should my husband and I stop showering with our toddler-age children and changing clothes in front of them? Can you give us some guidelines for modesty in the home?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There really isn't a hard and fast rule for dealing with this issue. Most pediatricians and child development experts agree that when a child begins to express a desire for privacy when naked or using the bathroom, that's the time parents should begin to express more personal modesty. This typically occurs around the age of 3 or 4. For some kids, it may be a little later.

What's most important is that you begin to instill an understanding of healthy sexuality in your children from an early age. You should start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language.

For example, when a young child asks questions about where babies come from, answer in a positive, straightforward manner. You might say something like "God made a special way for mommies and daddies to have babies. He uses a tiny little seed from Daddy and a tiny little egg from Mommy. The seed and the egg come together inside Mommy's tummy, and then God does a miracle and makes a new baby." This kind of explanation is typically sufficient for most younger kids. You don't need to go into a detailed description of human physiology.

Most experts also recommend using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Cutesy names or code words can be confusing to a child, and can unintentionally lead to shame and embarrassment down the road, especially with other children.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My teenage daughter is a "crushaholic." She's constantly seeking affirmation from boys, and she's either high as a kite or sad and depressed, depending on the attention she gets. Is this normal?

Jim: I don't have daughters, but my boys are 15 and 13, so I'm seeing the upheaval of the teen years firsthand. The physical, mental and emotional changes can be intense, especially for young girls.

As with many developmental issues, this one has roots that are good and God-given. Puberty floods a teen girl's brain with hormones that awaken her heart to relationships, love and romance. But without proper boundaries, the longing to be desirable to members of the opposite sex can spiral to where a girl believes her worth is dependent on a guy's validation. It can become an obsession leading young girls into relationships that they don't have the emotional maturity to handle. When a relationship goes wrong, a girl feels like her life is falling apart.

What can a parent say to help a teenager who's experienced a broken heart? Don't say anything at all at first. Just put your arms around her, hold her, let her cry and help her to rebuild the foundation of trust and understanding of a loving relationship. When it is time to speak, don't minimize or trivialize her feelings. She'll probably think this is the worst thing that has ever happened to her, and at this point in her life it may be.

If you haven't yet, you'll want to begin helping her learn to navigate a culture that is saturated with unhealthy messages about sexuality and relationships. You can't shield her from it, but you can equip her with the tools to manage it.

Focus on the Family would be happy to provide you with helpful resources to work through this or other challenges you might be facing. Please don't hesitate to contact us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Q: It's sad to say, but I've come to where I dread Valentine's Day. The love and romance hype only shines a light on what a disappointment my own marriage has become. Is there any hope for us?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I feel for you and understand how lonely Valentine's Day can be for those in hurting marriages.

There are many reasons why love in marriage fades. Serious problems like addiction, abuse, extramarital affairs and mental illness can certainly extinguish feelings of romance. For those who've encountered these painful experiences, I'd encourage you to seek counseling. Our own licensed counselors would be happy to help point you in the right direction.

Husbands and wives can "fall out of love" for other reasons, too. The busyness and stress of work, kids and finances can cause a couple to drift apart over the years until one day they realize the only thing they share is a tube of toothpaste. If this is where you find yourselves, don't give up. There are many things you can do to get your marriage back on track, but sitting back and waiting for flowers isn't one of them.

One remedy I'm a firm believer in is a couple relearning how to have fun together. In fact, it's the whole idea behind Focus on the Family's "Date Night Challenge." We know the concept works based on research showing that 92 percent of couples who make date night a priority have increased satisfaction in their relationships. I'd strongly encourage you to give it a chance. You can learn more by visiting www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/promos/date-night-challenge. You'll find fresh date night ideas, and if you want, you can dig even deeper by getting a copy of my book, "Take the Date Night Challenge."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.