Q: My teenage daughter is a "crushaholic." She's constantly seeking affirmation from boys, and she's either high as a kite or sad and depressed, depending on the attention she gets. Is this normal?

Jim: I don't have daughters, but my boys are 15 and 13, so I'm seeing the upheaval of the teen years firsthand. The physical, mental and emotional changes can be intense, especially for young girls.

As with many developmental issues, this one has roots that are good and God-given. Puberty floods a teen girl's brain with hormones that awaken her heart to relationships, love and romance. But without proper boundaries, the longing to be desirable to members of the opposite sex can spiral to where a girl believes her worth is dependent on a guy's validation. It can become an obsession leading young girls into relationships that they don't have the emotional maturity to handle. When a relationship goes wrong, a girl feels like her life is falling apart.

What can a parent say to help a teenager who's experienced a broken heart? Don't say anything at all at first. Just put your arms around her, hold her, let her cry and help her to rebuild the foundation of trust and understanding of a loving relationship. When it is time to speak, don't minimize or trivialize her feelings. She'll probably think this is the worst thing that has ever happened to her, and at this point in her life it may be.

If you haven't yet, you'll want to begin helping her learn to navigate a culture that is saturated with unhealthy messages about sexuality and relationships. You can't shield her from it, but you can equip her with the tools to manage it.

Focus on the Family would be happy to provide you with helpful resources to work through this or other challenges you might be facing. Please don't hesitate to contact us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Q: It's sad to say, but I've come to where I dread Valentine's Day. The love and romance hype only shines a light on what a disappointment my own marriage has become. Is there any hope for us?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I feel for you and understand how lonely Valentine's Day can be for those in hurting marriages.

There are many reasons why love in marriage fades. Serious problems like addiction, abuse, extramarital affairs and mental illness can certainly extinguish feelings of romance. For those who've encountered these painful experiences, I'd encourage you to seek counseling. Our own licensed counselors would be happy to help point you in the right direction.

Husbands and wives can "fall out of love" for other reasons, too. The busyness and stress of work, kids and finances can cause a couple to drift apart over the years until one day they realize the only thing they share is a tube of toothpaste. If this is where you find yourselves, don't give up. There are many things you can do to get your marriage back on track, but sitting back and waiting for flowers isn't one of them.

One remedy I'm a firm believer in is a couple relearning how to have fun together. In fact, it's the whole idea behind Focus on the Family's "Date Night Challenge." We know the concept works based on research showing that 92 percent of couples who make date night a priority have increased satisfaction in their relationships. I'd strongly encourage you to give it a chance. You can learn more by visiting www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/promos/date-night-challenge. You'll find fresh date night ideas, and if you want, you can dig even deeper by getting a copy of my book, "Take the Date Night Challenge."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My fiance and I are getting married this spring and we've run into a conflict concerning finances. Should we have joint or separate checking accounts after we're married? What are your thoughts?

Jim: Opinions on this question vary, but as I see it, a "yours and mine" mentality is not conducive to a healthy, happy marriage. A husband and wife are not two people who happen to sleep in the same bed but lead separate and independent lives. On the contrary, marriage is best and most fulfilling when both spouses are "all in" and cast their lot together, for better or worse. The sharing of your financial assets is an important part of sharing life as a whole. And this includes the establishment of joint accounts.

In some cases, special circumstances may necessitate opening separate accounts for separate things -- a personal business venture, for instance. But for the most part, it's best to handle your finances as a team. If both of you will be working outside the home, you can put all of your earnings into one account and then agree that each of you will receive an equal share of a monthly "allowance." That's the simplest way to keep yourselves accountable to one another.

If you're uneasy with this arrangement, you need to determine why. You've given us few details about your relationship with your fiance, so we really aren't in a position to comment on this aspect of your question. We can only tell you that if two people don't feel they can trust or ought to be accountable to one another, they would be well-advised to re-evaluate their marriage plans, or at least get some serious premarital counseling. It's best to resolve issues of this nature before tying the knot.

Q: When should we talk with our son about what it means to be a responsible husband and father? He's still pretty young -- not even in his teens yet. Should we wait until after puberty? Or would it be better to hold off even longer?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: That's a good question that deserves careful consideration for many reasons. Perhaps the most significant is the tendency for today's couples to marry later in life than in the past. As a result, young adults are entering into marriage with a stronger sense of individualism and personal independence than previous generations. While a certain level of this can be healthy, it can also present challenges for a marriage relationship. Often times the more "set" two people have become -- the more time they've had to "harden" their personal routines -- the more difficult it can be for them to merge and meld in marriage.

Why mention this? Because, from a certain perspective, it underscores the need to start preparing our boys to understand the responsibilities involved with marriage and family life as early as possible. Good husbands and fathers don't just happen. We have to create them. And we create them, at least in part, by teaching and modeling for them beforehand that good marriages and strong families are built on a foundation of love, and that love often means putting aside self-interests and learning to make sacrifices for others.

With that in mind, it's wise to start talking to your son about what it means to be a good husband and father now -- before he's had a chance to form too many self-centered, potentially relationship-damaging habits. A good man anticipates what lies ahead on the journey and prepares for it. I'd encourage you to help your son get moving in that direction as soon as you can.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband and I have been married nearly 20 years, and frankly, the relationship has become somewhat stale and even boring. It seems like we're basically just going through the motions. We don't want a long checklist, but do you have one suggestion for something we can do to help?

Jim: I once asked author Ted Cunningham, "What's the best advice you ever got on marriage?" His reply was short and to the point: "That's easy -- lighten up and laugh!"

Why do you suppose Ted's thoughts jumped immediately to the importance of humor and lightheartedness? It's because life in this world can be a grind. Our daily routines are rarely easy and, at times, they're even marked by tragedy. All of us need opportunities to stop for rest and refreshment along the way. Retreats and oases are absolutely indispensable to life's journey. And I firmly believe that marriage ought to be one of them.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking at this point: "My marriage? An oasis?" But this is precisely what it can be if you take the time to grease the skids with healthy doses of laughter. A couple's role is not to squash all the good moments, but to share them with each other. Remember, the two of you got married because once upon a time you actually looked forward to being together!

So if you feel like you've lost that spark, make an effort to recapture it. Fan the flames again. If you can do that -- if you can lighten up, laugh and enjoy the journey together -- you're halfway toward achieving genuine marital success. And, in the process, I predict you'll eliminate much of the monotony and boredom that have characterized your daily grind in the first place.

Q: A friend of mine regularly takes her young children with her when she attends PG-13 and R-rated movies. She doesn't seem to think twice about it. Do you think that's wise?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: One of the most baffling things to me about parenting in this day and age is the fact that many moms and dads who would take a bullet for their children don't think twice about "abusing" their kids when it comes to entertainment. I put "abusing" in quotes because culturally we don't consider it child cruelty. But I do. More specifically, I'm talking about parents who, like your friend, take their young kids to movies that could cause serious emotional and spiritual damage, and influence their children in untold negative ways.

At a recent screening of a film that I knew was going to push the envelope, I actually asked the mom next to me something along these lines, "Since you haven't seen this film, do you worry that the content will be detrimental to your child?"

Her response was telling. Instead of saying, "Oh, yes. I'm very concerned about how the messages and visuals in films might affect my child. I'm just pretty sure this isn't one of those types of movies," what I got was something very different. The mother motioned with her hand in a sweeping gesture and said, "Look at all the children here at this movie."

In other words, her justification had nothing to do with the welfare of her child, but simply the fact that she wasn't alone in her decision.

I believe responsible parenting involves being informed about what your kids might be exposed to before it happens. That's why our team at PluggedIn.com works so hard to do what we do -- provide the detailed information parents need to make entertainment choices based on what's best for their children.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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