Q: My wife and I fight about money all the time. We both hate the conflict, but we feel stuck in this pattern -- especially since there never seems to be enough cash in the bank. What do you suggest?

Jim: Conflict over finances can be hard on a marriage. In fact, research shows couples who argue about money are twice as likely to divorce as those who don't. So above all, you'll want to emphasize the health of your relationship over the details of accounting. Once you're on the same team, it's easier to implement a couple of practical solutions.

The first step is deciding to live within your means. More than likely, you'll have to take a closer look at the cost of your lifestyle. Most couples struggling with debt have no clear idea how much they spend each month on groceries, car payments and entertainment. Without a willingness to live on what you earn, it's not a matter of if, but when, your finances will crash.

The second important step is to establish a budget. There are many resources available to walk you through the nuts and bolts of doing that. But, for now, understand that a plan is a crucial tool to help you live within your means and to make saving for a rainy day possible.

Why? Because budgets force you to prioritize your spending habits. It'll probably mean less of "this" and no more of "that" -- which, admittedly, are tough decisions and key reasons many folks avoid budgets altogether. But remember the goal: getting your money under control together, so you can reduce the conflict threatening your relationship. If you feel like you need more guidance in this matter, you can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: Should we be concerned about a child who doesn't like to take risks? For example, our 8-year-old consistently avoids scary roller coasters. My husband thinks he should be pushed harder and forced to face his fears. I feel we should give him time to develop confidence at his own pace. What's your perspective?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My first suggestion is that you and your husband try to come to a mutually agreeable consensus. In general -- and as my wife, Erin, and I can attest -- dads often tend to be more adventurous, while moms are naturally protective. I think there's an equitable balance to be found.

In that context, we as parents do well to remember that every child has a unique personality. Some kids are simply biologically wired to be more cautious and careful. This isn't necessarily a sign of cowardice or timidity. In some cases it may actually be a mark of prudence and maturity beyond a child's years. (Birth order can affect a child's temperament as well.)

It's also important to consider a child's age and level of development. There are a lot of elementary school kids who don't enjoy riding on gigantic "death-drop" roller coasters. The same thing can probably be said of many adults -- to a certain extent this is just a matter of personal taste and preference. Your son is still a child, and therefore he thinks and behaves as a child.

Along those lines, keep in mind that your son still has his entire life ahead of him. The process of growing up may involve all kinds of changes in his temperament. It's entirely possible for a cautious kid to turn into a thrill-seeking teenager. So my best advice for both of you, as parents, is simply to unconditionally love and support your son as he develops into the person he was created to be.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Our first child (a daughter) is just 6 months old, and my wife and I are already dreading the inevitable "birds and bees" discussions. Do you have any advice for how to handle this eventually?

Jim: Marriage and sex -- in that order -- are among the most beautiful gifts humanity has been given. Unfortunately, kids don't naturally understand that, thanks to rampant confusion in our society about sexuality and marriage. That's why it's up to Moms and Dads to teach them.

If you want your children to develop healthy attitudes toward sex, there are two things you need to do. No. 1, start talking. And No. 2, demonstrate for your kids how to honor marriage.

Let's start with talking. I'm referring to age-appropriate discussions about sex that begin in toddlerhood and continue through adolescence. Create moments of open dialogue where you can offer candid answers to your child's questions. Of course, honest conversations like this require parents secure enough in their sexuality to say, "I had those same feelings when I was your age. We all do. It's normal."

And when I speak of "honoring marriage," I mean much more than telling kids to save sex for marriage. I'm talking about preparing them for a great marriage, just as we prepare them for college or a career -- intentionally and proactively. How do you do that? By modeling a loving relationship yourself.

Kids can learn what healthy sexuality in the context of a thriving marriage looks like. But it all starts with parents who understand it themselves and model how to live together with love, loyalty and trust. We have a number of resources to help you with that at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: Everyone in our house keeps a hectic schedule, and sometimes I find myself wondering: How do you create "family time" when you're simply trying to make ends meet and get through the demands of the day?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Today's marriages and families lack time -- quality and quantity -- for a number of reasons. An endless pursuit of material things requires increasing amounts of money. This translates into more hours at work. Busyness creates fatigue and deflects attention from pressing relational issues. Couples "grow apart" as their lives travel down separate but parallel tracks. Moms and Dads model a task-oriented mentality that communicates an unmistakable message to their kids: Take care of your duties and obligations first, then feel free to retreat into your own (electronic) stimulation, recreation or leisure-time activity (read: "isolation in your own room").

If you want to escape this numbing pattern, you may need to revamp your schedule. Go back to Square One. Revisit your basic values and priorities. Resolve to make some countercultural choices and decisions, if necessary. Take steps to reduce your outside commitments and block out weekly family time on the calendar.

In particular, don't worry about how it looks to other people if you limit yourselves to one or two selections from a long list of worthwhile activities. Resist the temptation to sign your kids up for numerous sports teams, music and dance lessons, social clubs and all kinds of community organizations. One activity per season per child may be more than enough.

Carve out spaces and create margins, and don't be afraid of "voids." Agree to turn off all communication devices at certain times of the day or on certain days of the week. Instead of watching TV, read together, play board games, take a walk to a local park or sit and talk. Get into your kids' space. Hang out with them and find out what excites them. This is all part of the process of turning quantity into quality time.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: I recently got married -- and my new husband and I are feeling a little overwhelmed. Even in just a few short weeks, life together isn't quite measuring up to what we anticipated. Is this normal? We both really want to make this relationship work.

Jim: Being a newlywed can be scary. No matter how strong your relationship with your spouse, the lofty expectations you had before the wedding rarely match reality after you say, "I do."

My wife, Jean, and I had a rough time early in our marriage. I had come from a broken home with no male role models, and Jean was dealing with depression. If not for counseling, prayer and help from our friends, we might have withered on the vine.

That's why it's so important for young couples to have "marriage mentors" in their lives. Quite simply, these are older couples with years of experience under their belts. They can offer wise counsel to young couples who might be feeling uncertain and overwhelmed.

Some newlyweds come from stable families, and might see their own parents as potential marriage mentors. However, parents don't always have the objectivity to offer unbiased advice. According to relationship counselors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, a marriage mentor is not a mother or a father or a close friend. Marriage mentors are not "on call" for every crisis, they don't have perfect marriages themselves, and they aren't know-it-alls. Rather, they're friendly acquaintances who can model a healthy relationship and offer insights when needed.

As a newly married couple, I hope you'll take the time to seek out marriage mentors. And a word to the "old pros" reading this -- it's worth seeking out a younger couple with whom you can share openly about the joys and challenges of a lifelong commitment. You just might learn something in the process.

Q: Do you think it's a good idea for our son to wait a year after graduating from high school before enrolling at the university? He's very responsible in a number of ways: He's in the National Honor Society and has very specific plans for his studies and the future -- but he says he wants to take some time off. We're concerned about him losing momentum. What should we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Apparently you've done a great job of raising your son. He sounds like a thoughtful, intelligent, goal-oriented young man. Given what you've said about his level of maturity and keen sense of personal responsibility, I see no reason to be concerned about his desire to take a year off from school.

I'd even suggest that there are a number of constructive ways he can use the time. He can work in order to earn a portion of his college tuition. He can expand and build upon his formal education by traveling or getting involved with community service. He can think about life and ponder his goals and figure out what he wants to study in college. All of this can be an important part of growing up and becoming the person he was created to be. As for "losing momentum," chances are that he'll be even more motivated to dive into his studies after a yearlong break -- especially when he realizes that many career choices won't be open to him without a college degree.

Again, in light of what you've said about your son's track record to this point, I wouldn't be too concerned about his plans to take a year off. There are many successful people in the world who didn't go to college right out of high school. The most important thing at this point is to uphold your son with love, support and gentle guidance in whatever he decides to do.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.