Q: I recently got married -- and my new husband and I are feeling a little overwhelmed. Even in just a few short weeks, life together isn't quite measuring up to what we anticipated. Is this normal? We both really want to make this relationship work.

Jim: Being a newlywed can be scary. No matter how strong your relationship with your spouse, the lofty expectations you had before the wedding rarely match reality after you say, "I do."

My wife, Jean, and I had a rough time early in our marriage. I had come from a broken home with no male role models, and Jean was dealing with depression. If not for counseling, prayer and help from our friends, we might have withered on the vine.

That's why it's so important for young couples to have "marriage mentors" in their lives. Quite simply, these are older couples with years of experience under their belts. They can offer wise counsel to young couples who might be feeling uncertain and overwhelmed.

Some newlyweds come from stable families, and might see their own parents as potential marriage mentors. However, parents don't always have the objectivity to offer unbiased advice. According to relationship counselors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, a marriage mentor is not a mother or a father or a close friend. Marriage mentors are not "on call" for every crisis, they don't have perfect marriages themselves, and they aren't know-it-alls. Rather, they're friendly acquaintances who can model a healthy relationship and offer insights when needed.

As a newly married couple, I hope you'll take the time to seek out marriage mentors. And a word to the "old pros" reading this -- it's worth seeking out a younger couple with whom you can share openly about the joys and challenges of a lifelong commitment. You just might learn something in the process.

Q: Do you think it's a good idea for our son to wait a year after graduating from high school before enrolling at the university? He's very responsible in a number of ways: He's in the National Honor Society and has very specific plans for his studies and the future -- but he says he wants to take some time off. We're concerned about him losing momentum. What should we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Apparently you've done a great job of raising your son. He sounds like a thoughtful, intelligent, goal-oriented young man. Given what you've said about his level of maturity and keen sense of personal responsibility, I see no reason to be concerned about his desire to take a year off from school.

I'd even suggest that there are a number of constructive ways he can use the time. He can work in order to earn a portion of his college tuition. He can expand and build upon his formal education by traveling or getting involved with community service. He can think about life and ponder his goals and figure out what he wants to study in college. All of this can be an important part of growing up and becoming the person he was created to be. As for "losing momentum," chances are that he'll be even more motivated to dive into his studies after a yearlong break -- especially when he realizes that many career choices won't be open to him without a college degree.

Again, in light of what you've said about your son's track record to this point, I wouldn't be too concerned about his plans to take a year off. There are many successful people in the world who didn't go to college right out of high school. The most important thing at this point is to uphold your son with love, support and gentle guidance in whatever he decides to do.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It seems like every time we turn around, there's another report of a mass shooting. Do you have any thoughts on why this is happening and, more importantly, what to do about it?

Jim: Tragedies of this sort are usually the result of multiple concurring factors, of course. From moral depravity and racial or religious prejudice, to mental illness and family dysfunction, shooters -- sadly -- come in all shapes and sizes. Law enforcement officials and psychologists spend years and millions of dollars analyzing and attempting to identify the warning signs. That they fail to identify killers before they kill is not, ultimately, a sign of professional failure, but rather a symptom of a sin-filled world that fails to recognize the sacred value of human life.

For years now, we've been told that it's secularism, a freedom from that "old-time religion," that will truly liberate us. I believe the reality is quite the opposite. True freedom is not found in the absence of all restraints, but instead by living within the parameters of the natural law. For me, as a follower of Jesus Christ, this means embracing and adhering to the precepts of the Bible.

Certainly, the United States is a pluralistic nation. Our first freedom is the freedom of conscience and religion, a right protected and enshrined by the Constitution. Our Founding Fathers wanted no state religion and no spiritual litmus test, but they also didn't want government to be hostile toward people of faith.

I'm the president of one of the world's largest family-help organizations. We hear every single day from parents desperately seeking advice on how to raise their children and how to keep them safe in an increasingly unsafe and unpredictable world. Our response to the present-day darkness is to encourage young and old alike to transform the culture by shining the light of their faith in the world. In my view, the only answer is the one that points to Someone beyond this world.

Q: We've made a family resolution for this year to be more intentional about doing things together that will strengthen our relational bonds. But I'm realizing that's easier said than done; it's tough to find time for it with so much going on. Do you have any suggestions or advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Strong families are built on a foundation of love, which doesn't simply happen. Love takes work -- especially when the details of the day-to-day grind seem to crowd out everything else and leave you drained of energy and low on time.

When schedules are jammed with activities, it's easy to lose sight of life's little pleasures. But if you make the effort to notice those pleasures, dwell on them and bring them into focus, you'll find that you've already taken a huge step in the direction of cementing meaningful, lifelong relationships with your loved ones.

It's easy to forget that one of the most valuable investments a parent can make is the gift of time. Schedule one-on-one times with each of your children and consider these "dates" as important as any other commitment on your calendar. Take the kids along when you're running errands, making a point to talk about what they find interesting. If possible and appropriate, bring them to work with you occasionally to show them how you spend your days. And if resources allow, block out time to plan significant family vacations -- or "staycations" -- involving the whole household.

Finally, don't underestimate the power of the written word -- especially hard copies versus electronic communication. Even short hand-written notes and letters, particularly those marking special milestones, can (and often do) become treasured keepsakes.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: With a new year upon us, I've once again made a long list of resolutions I intend to keep. As sincere as I am about achieving my goals and making some changes, I'm afraid they're doomed to fail as they did in 2015 -- and every year before. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I suspect many of us can empathize with your frustration. I could offer some tips, like focusing on just a few goals, making yourself accountable to someone, etc. But what I've discovered through my own failures is that often the problem is rooted in willpower that's insufficient for the particular thing I want to accomplish.

This concept may be easier to understand by realizing that the word "willpower" in Greek is often translated as "desire." It's the idea that we can achieve a goal when our desire matches our objective. But, too often, our desires are in direct conflict with our goals. And that's exactly the problem, isn't it?

Take weight loss, for example. I may wish to lose 20 pounds, but if what I truly desire is to eat ice cream every night, I soon find my willpower breaking down. The reality is our wishes are never strong enough to overcome our true desires for very long.

In these situations, I'd suggest the solution is to focus on the underlying needs that control our desires. For example, maybe we routinely overeat to anesthetize emotional pain. If we find healing for that inner struggle, the need to pacify our pain should dissipate.

If this is your situation, you may have to put in some work to get your true desires to align with your goals. Once that happens, your willpower can work for you, rather than against you.

Q: My son is big into video games. I have no qualms with him firing up the PlayStation and enjoying some screen time. But, in my opinion, he can be at it for way too long. Surprisingly, I've polled other parents only to find that their kids spend just as much time, if not more, gaming. What kind of limits would you recommend?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: A few years ago, in an effort to get a better handle on some of the hottest video games, I made arrangements to hang out with a neighborhood kid who had a reputation as a major league gamer. As part of my research, I was curious to find out how much time he spent playing games and how attached he was to his gaming console.

I was amazed to learn that not only had he spent seven hours gaming the day before, but he'd been at it for another four prior to our meeting that day. Clearly fatigue wasn't a factor for him as he proceeded to put on a mind-bending demonstration of his skills and of the latest games. After two hours I left exhausted, but he showed no signs of letting up.

I was aware of the consuming nature of video games, but seeing it firsthand made an indelible impression. The experience left me with a deep conviction that no one should play video games as if it's their full-time job!

So what's the ideal amount of time for gaming? There's no universally accepted standard, but I'll share the parameters we set in our home. The rule was 30 minutes a day (reinforced with a timer) and an hour on weekends. Something in this timeframe should allow your child a chance to unwind a bit without the worry of fostering an addiction.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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