Q: With a new year upon us, I've once again made a long list of resolutions I intend to keep. As sincere as I am about achieving my goals and making some changes, I'm afraid they're doomed to fail as they did in 2015 -- and every year before. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I suspect many of us can empathize with your frustration. I could offer some tips, like focusing on just a few goals, making yourself accountable to someone, etc. But what I've discovered through my own failures is that often the problem is rooted in willpower that's insufficient for the particular thing I want to accomplish.

This concept may be easier to understand by realizing that the word "willpower" in Greek is often translated as "desire." It's the idea that we can achieve a goal when our desire matches our objective. But, too often, our desires are in direct conflict with our goals. And that's exactly the problem, isn't it?

Take weight loss, for example. I may wish to lose 20 pounds, but if what I truly desire is to eat ice cream every night, I soon find my willpower breaking down. The reality is our wishes are never strong enough to overcome our true desires for very long.

In these situations, I'd suggest the solution is to focus on the underlying needs that control our desires. For example, maybe we routinely overeat to anesthetize emotional pain. If we find healing for that inner struggle, the need to pacify our pain should dissipate.

If this is your situation, you may have to put in some work to get your true desires to align with your goals. Once that happens, your willpower can work for you, rather than against you.

Q: My son is big into video games. I have no qualms with him firing up the PlayStation and enjoying some screen time. But, in my opinion, he can be at it for way too long. Surprisingly, I've polled other parents only to find that their kids spend just as much time, if not more, gaming. What kind of limits would you recommend?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: A few years ago, in an effort to get a better handle on some of the hottest video games, I made arrangements to hang out with a neighborhood kid who had a reputation as a major league gamer. As part of my research, I was curious to find out how much time he spent playing games and how attached he was to his gaming console.

I was amazed to learn that not only had he spent seven hours gaming the day before, but he'd been at it for another four prior to our meeting that day. Clearly fatigue wasn't a factor for him as he proceeded to put on a mind-bending demonstration of his skills and of the latest games. After two hours I left exhausted, but he showed no signs of letting up.

I was aware of the consuming nature of video games, but seeing it firsthand made an indelible impression. The experience left me with a deep conviction that no one should play video games as if it's their full-time job!

So what's the ideal amount of time for gaming? There's no universally accepted standard, but I'll share the parameters we set in our home. The rule was 30 minutes a day (reinforced with a timer) and an hour on weekends. Something in this timeframe should allow your child a chance to unwind a bit without the worry of fostering an addiction.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My mother recently passed away, and the reality that we're celebrating the Christmas season without her has been more difficult than I could've imagined. How can I get through this?

Jim: My heart goes out to you. As you're experiencing, Christmastime and other holidays can amplify the pain that comes with losing a loved one. Our family is grieving with you, having just lost a mother and grandmother of our own four months ago. For those of us struggling with heartache, here are some thoughts for getting through this holiday season a bit easier.

First, allow yourself to be comfortable with the idea that emotions will run high this Christmas. It's healthy and perfectly acceptable for a family to cry together, even on Christmas. Instead of stuffing your grief or pretending everything is fine, it's usually helpful to acknowledge your pain.

But it's also important to be OK with celebrating the holiday. Some people may struggle with guilt if happiness or laughter pops up in the midst of their grief. Give yourselves permission to experience whatever emotions arise.

Another idea is to scale back this Christmas. When you're grieving, holiday gatherings can be emotionally draining. Observing a few traditions can help the family maintain some stability, but help one another be realistic about what everyone needs and feels up for.

Finally, Christmas can create opportunities to bless others in need. Consider reaching out to another family or giving to a charity in your loved one's name. Blessing others can often bring joy even in the midst of grief.

When your heart is aching, life can feel pretty dark. For anyone who finds himself or herself in a hard, painful place this Christmas, I invite you to call one of our counselors at 855-771-4357. They'd be privileged to offer you a compassionate, listening ear or an encouraging word.

Q: Should my husband and I spend Christmas morning together with the kids at his parents' house, even though we've been separated for four months? Although I'd love to see my girls open their presents, I'm afraid this will send them mixed messages about the marital problems they know we're experiencing. What do you think is the right choice for my children?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A great deal depends on specific circumstances and the goals and intentions with respect to the future of your marriage.

For instance: Are you actively working on your relationship during this separation? Have you been seeing a counselor and taking steps to resolve your differences? Are you trying to put the marriage back together? If so, it would probably be a good idea to maintain your family's holiday traditions and keep the celebration of Christmas as normal as possible. Far from sending mixed messages to your children, this will demonstrate unity and solidarity, showing them that you're working together to weather the storm and giving them hope that the family is going to remain intact.

If, on the other hand, you see little hope for reconciliation at this point, then we'd advise you to think twice about accepting your husband's invitation. Under these circumstances, there's a very real danger that the celebration your spouse is planning could come across as a bit of insincere play-acting -- a phony attempt to assume an appearance of normality. This could prove extremely confusing for the kids.

Whatever the situation, I'd strongly encourage you to give our licensed counselors a call (855-771-4357). They'd be privileged to hear more of your story and offer some helpful direction.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Traditions and good Christmas memories aren't part of my experience. Growing up, Christmas centered around giving and getting gifts. Once the presents were opened and the wrapping picked up, Christmas was pretty much done. My husband and I want to change that with our own young family, but neither of us has a Christmas "heritage" to pass on. Do you have any thoughts that might help us?

Jim: I can empathize with your situation. I started my own family empty-handed in this regard, too. But I can attest that your predicament is far from hopeless. Perhaps this story will inspire you.

Johnny Carson once joked that there was only one fruitcake in the world -- it's just been passed from person to person since time began. For a couple of friends here in Colorado, that's not far from the truth. You see, they've been exchanging the same fruitcake with one another for nearly 30 years. Each Christmas, the friend who received it the year before returns the vintage cake to his buddy, along with a goofy "gift." It started as a joke, but for almost three decades it's been a quirky holiday tradition that's deepened their friendship. These friends discovered the spirit of Christmas isn't about gifts, but about the memories you create.

If you want to do the same with your family, I'd recommend trying something out of the ordinary. Volunteer at a shelter or visit a nursing home. Attend a Christmas Eve church service. Or maybe try ice skating for the first time. You might fall down in front of your kids, but that's the point. It's a memory they'll cherish for years to come!

It doesn't matter what you do. In fact, the more unusual, the better. Because when your goal is to create memories, even an old fruitcake will do.

Q: This will be a painful Christmas for us. For reasons we don't understand, our daughter and son-in-law no longer want any contact with us. We've respected their wishes and hope to make amends with them someday, but for now, how should we interact with our grandkids?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're in a hard place, and our hearts go out to you. Without knowing all the details, we can at least affirm that your decision to respect your children's wishes is appropriate and provides the best chance for reconciliation. Our licensed counselors would consider it a privilege to hear more of your story and offer some helpful direction. Please call them at 855-771-4357.

In the meantime, do what you can to maintain your perspective. Set boundaries of your own so that you won't be hurt by your daughter's and son-in-law's attitudes and actions. Don't allow your personal worth to be defined in terms of your acceptance or rejection by your children. Guard your heart and avoid falling into a trap of bitterness. Seek counsel and the support of trusted friends in dealing with your pain. And, by God's grace, there's always a chance that the relationship will change someday.

As for your grandchildren, look for opportunities to express your love in small, unobtrusive ways. You can maintain your influence in their lives by sending them cards two or three times a year -- on birthdays, at Christmas and on other special occasions.

Don't send money or gifts, because that may be perceived as an attempt to manipulate. Instead, just say something like, "We're thinking of you and praying for you. Love, Grandma and Grandpa." If nothing else, this will lay the groundwork for reconnecting with them once they're grown and are able to make up their own minds about having a relationship with you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.