Q: Can you tell me what it means to "honor" a parent who has become increasingly cranky, feisty, disagreeable and demanding as a result of Alzheimer's disease and the aging process? My mom was once a sweet, caring and soft-spoken woman, but all that has changed dramatically over the past few years.

Jim: There's no doubt about it -- caring for an aging loved one involves sacrifice and self-discipline, especially in situations like yours.

We should begin, then, by defining "honor." Honor implies choosing to give great respect and care to our elders -- not grudgingly, but from a principle of love and out of genuine concern for their needs. True honor is placing the highest value on our loved ones, regardless of whether they deserve it or not.

Once you've made this choice, the key issue is knowing how to carry it out. The biblical commandment to "Honor your father and mother" doesn't mention specifics. It has nothing to say about nursing homes, pensions or Medicare. Nor does it obligate you to take aging parents into your home.

Instead, the art of honoring a cranky elder is based on intuitive knowledge. That knowledge, in turn, is rooted in your love for and commitment to your mother. Out of that commitment and your day-to-day interactions with her will grow an awareness of practical ways you can serve her and care for her immediate needs. This might mean sharing your home and offering financial support. It could also involve seeking support services, filling out endless health insurance forms, providing transportation and communicating with doctors.

Finally, remember that it's never too late -- or too soon -- to love and honor your elders. As you seek to honor your mother, your love for her will grow and your relationship with her will be enriched.

Q: My 13-year-old son loves music and hopes to turn this passion into a viable career someday. As you can imagine, he's constantly checking out new bands and artists' videos. I'm all for him increasing his artistic knowledge and developing his craft, but I worry that he's being exposed to a lot of risque images and nudity. Do I have reason for concern?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: Sadly, the challenges parents face from the entertainment industry and popular culture don't ease up or take a day off. A recent discussion on Fox News' "Four4Four" program highlighted three well-known female celebs who'd recently gone topless, as the panel examined the question, "(Are) Music Videos Getting too Naked?" Had the program discussed the subject, "Are Music Videos Getting too Risque?" they could have begun that discussion 30 years ago.

But just because nudity and other explicit content is common doesn't mean it's healthy. Overall, more than 60 percent of men ages 18 to 30 admit to viewing porn monthly, and the downside of doing so is well-documented. (Check out internetsafety101.org/harmsofpornography.htm.)

Although there are many ways to start down a path toward porn addiction, I've heard from several men who've said that watching today's movies and television has been their gateway. As one man shared, "I found that to feed my lusts, I didn't need to purchase Penthouse or Playboy ... Hollywood movies and television became my Playboy and Penthouse."

On our website (pluggedin.focusonthefamily.com), you'll find a video of another man who tells a similar story. While both of these examples link back to movies and TV, it's no stretch to say that a great many of today's music videos can have the same unfortunate effect.

In your son's case, I'd suggest installing Internet filtering software (we recommend NetNanny) and hanging out together while he's online studying the latest music videos.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I teach my children good manners? This is something I'm determined to instill in my kids, but it's not easy. How do I teach them to treat people respectfully when the rest of the culture seems to care less and less for the feelings, sensibilities and rights of others?

Jim: Manners and etiquette are often conceived of in terms of conformity to a set of social mores or culturally defined standards of "correct" behavior (think Emily Post or Miss Manners). From this point of view, they're an aspect of manmade custom and tradition. For people of faith, however, good manners should spring from something deeper such as the Golden Rule and the Great Commandment: "Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise," and "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

What does this love look like in action? Practically speaking, it can find expression in any number of ways. Everything depends on the situation, attitude and expectation of the person on the receiving end. If Grandma expects Johnny to keep his napkin in his lap and his elbows off the dinner table, Johnny should be taught to comply. If your neighbor prefers that visitors remove their shoes before coming inside, you ought to honor his wishes. Ultimately, it all comes down to caring for and putting others first.

How do you teach your kids to implement these principles in everyday life? The answer is simple: You model this kind of behavior yourself. Kindness, good manners and respectful treatment of others are best instilled in young minds through consistent example. They are caught more so than taught. Keep in mind that you can't begin too early, and that the best place to start is at home.

Q: Are kids happier when they're closer in age, or is it better to plan them farther apart? My husband and I are discussing having another baby, but we aren't sure if it's the best thing for our 1-year-old son and the dynamics of our family.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm happy to know that your parenting experience has apparently been positive to where you want to add to the blessing of your family. That's fantastic!

As for your question, I'm afraid there really isn't a simple answer. The significance of "age spacing" and its impact on sibling relationships will vary from family to family. Nevertheless, there are some things to consider.

Children of the same sex born within two years of each other are more likely to develop close bonds and enjoy mutual companionship than those spaced farther apart. But they'll also have more opportunity for conflict and competition. A great deal of good can come out of close sibling relationships of this nature provided Mom and Dad are involved and manage the details wisely.

Kids born four or more years apart will probably experience less camaraderie growing up. This may translate into a more peaceful household, but the challenges can also simply assume a different character. For example, if the older and bigger child displays aggressive behavior, then ensuring safety for the younger child will be a priority. If, however, the older child is mature and cooperative, Mom and Dad may be tempted to place too many adult responsibilities on his shoulders. A child in this position needs to be encouraged to play and allowed to be a kid.

In the end, there may be more important reasons for planning a baby at a particular time than the ages of the existing children. Of far greater significance is Mom's health, the desire for another child, possibly financial considerations and the stability of the marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can we tell if a baby sitter has acted inappropriately with our kids? We're concerned that our baby sitter may have abused our child.

Jim: I feel for you in this difficult and uncertain situation. According to our counselors at Focus on the Family, how you should approach it and what you should be looking for depends on the age of your child. But generally speaking, you should keep an eye out for noticeable shifts in normal behavior.

Youngsters in elementary grades who have been subjected to some kind of abuse may exhibit signs of regression -- for example, thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, baby-talk or academic setbacks. In some cases they can become aggressive, while in others they disconnect and lose themselves in a daydreamlike world of their own.

A child who's been sexually abused may begin to act out sexually with siblings or other children in the neighborhood, or become obsessed with sexual self-stimulation. In other instances, he or she may turn abnormally secretive or quiet. If your child seems to be afraid of the baby sitter, this is a good indication that something isn't right. On the other hand, if he or she is strangely eager or anxious to have the baby sitter return, it would probably be a good idea to find out why. Blood in your child's underpants might also be a sign that sexual abuse has occurred.

With smaller children, watch for signs of injury or irritation of the genital area, and have your child examined by their doctor if you discover any inexplicable irregularities. Also observe for nighttime restlessness, nightmares and disruptions in established sleep patterns. Monitor your child's daily activities and ask yourself whether his or her mental, emotional or physical equilibrium seems to be thrown off in any way.

Try to remember how your young child reacted the last time the baby sitter came to your house. Do you recall he or she acting agitated or upset while in the baby sitter's arms or under the baby sitter's care? If so, the situation may require further investigation. (By the way, we strongly suggest that Moms and Dads avoid using baby sitters other than a trusted family member until a child is sufficiently verbal to tell them what goes on during their absence.)

Older kids who might be reluctant to talk about a traumatic experience can sometimes be encouraged to open up if you take an indirect approach. The key is to keep the conversation as relaxed, informal and low-key as possible. Wait until your child is involved in some other activity, or helping you with simple chores like raking the leaves or washing the car. As the situation permits, turn the discussion gently and unobtrusively in the direction of the baby sitter. Ask open-ended questions like, "What do you think of ...?" Avoid "leading" or manipulative queries designed to elicit a particular response (for example, "Has ... ever done anything to make you feel uncomfortable?") Let the information emerge naturally.

If you need help, don't hesitate to engage the services of a trained child play therapist. Our staff of licensed counselors is also available to speak with you and provide you with a local referral. You can reach one of them for a free consultation Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. MST at 855-771-HELP (4357). Your police department or sheriff's office can also be a helpful resource, as can the Department of Child Protective Services.

If at any point you become convinced that abuse has occurred, contact the Social Services Department and/or your local sheriff's office immediately. You owe it to your child -- and to any other children in the area who may have had contact with this baby sitter -- to take appropriate action without delay.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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