Q: Is the quality of time I spend with my children more important than the quantity?

Jim: The truth is that both are essential to a child's development and well-being. In fact, the more involved parents are with their children -- and the word "more" here is used with direct reference to the concept of quantity -- the less likely kids are to have social, emotional or academic problems, use drugs or alcohol, become involved in crime or engage in premarital sex.

It's also worth pointing out that while being intentional with our kids is important, it's not always possible to plan meaningful interactions between parent and child. Such serendipitous moments can't be cooked up and crammed into a few minutes of "quality time" every day. Many critical opportunities to make memories, model values or connect are fleeting and will be gone in the blink of an eye. You can't seize the moment if you're not there to do the seizing. To regularly capture those moments requires spending lots of "quantity" time together.

One of the easiest ways to make this happen is to turn off the TV and disconnect electronic devices when you're home. Instead of watching TV or surfing the Web, read together, play board games, take a walk to a local park or sit and talk.

Finally, avoid the temptation to get your kids overly involved in activities outside the home. Some parents feel pressure to sign their children up for numerous sports teams, music and dance lessons, social clubs and all kinds of community organizations. Don't fall prey to this mindset. Kids don't need a dozen different weekly activities. They need quality and quantity time with loving, involved and committed parents.

Q: Do you have any advice for a new mom who's leaving a high-profile career to devote herself to parenting and managing a home full-time? What can I do to make this change as smooth as possible for my family and me?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Congratulations on this exciting new venture! Molding little lives is a calling of great worth. Having made the courageous decision to go "all in," you should check out these few tips to help ease the transition:

-- Prepare, prepare, prepare. Read as much as you can on child development and the relationship between mothers and children. This is particularly important for women who may have had a difficult childhood or a strained relationship with their own mothers.

-- Talk to other women who have made the transition from full-time work to full-time mom. There are women out there who need you as much as you need them. Get to know them and ask them about their struggles and their successes. You'll be surprised at the wisdom you can glean from the experiences of others.

-- Develop a social support network. Community- and church-based mother-child programs can give stay-at-home moms the support they need. Join a "Mommy and Me" group or a local chapter of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).

-- Communicate clearly with your spouse about roles and expectations. Husbands of stay-at-home mothers play a crucial role besides that of being the primary breadwinner. Sit down with your husband and discuss how the situation in your home is likely to change once you leave the workplace. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page. And take time to nurture your "couple relationship" and keep the flame of romance alive.

Remember to take things one day at a time. What works for someone else might not work for you. But it's not about perfection -- it's about loving, laughing and learning together as you build your family.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My husband recently ended an affair, and we're working toward reconciliation. While I believe he's truly sorry, the question of getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STI) and diseases hasn't been raised. Is this something he should do?

Jim: Absolutely! Both of you should get tested as soon as possible. And for many reasons.

The obvious concern is that if an STI has been contracted, this could have huge implications for your health, as well as the sexual dimension of your relationship. This is of special importance to you, since some of these diseases can lie dormant in a woman's body for a long time before manifesting any symptoms. It's critical to bring the facts to light as soon as possible to avoid potential further damage.

Also, when marital unfaithfulness has occurred, one of the most important elements of the reconciliation process is a willingness on the part of the offending spouse to take responsibility for and accept the consequences of his actions. These consequences can be physical and medical as well as emotional and psychological. You can't expect to put your marriage wholly back together unless your husband is prepared to deal with all of them.

That said, the physical and sexual repercussions might be the least important aspects of an affair's aftermath. The emotional and psychological sides of the problem are often of far greater consequence and can be more difficult to resolve.

If you haven't yet, I highly recommend that you and your husband initiate a rigorous course of therapy with a trained and qualified counselor. Our own licensed counselors would be happy to speak with you (855-771-4357) and put you in touch with a local marriage therapist who can uncover any unresolved issues in your relationship and guide you through the reconciliation and healing process.

Q: Our 4-year-old little girl has a charming personality, and everyone has doted on her since she was born. She loves being the center of attention and will "perform" on cue if given the opportunity. She's very cute, but I'm not sure this is entirely healthy. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I'm sure she's a delight, but you're wise to take inventory of the situation. At this stage of the game it's fun for everyone, but the danger is that she'll grow up believing that her value as a person is based on her cuteness and her performance, not on her character.

While she's still young and impressionable, you'll want to encourage her to develop solid character traits. We suggest you make a conscious effort to praise her whenever she displays positive behaviors such as kindness, patience, selflessness, humility, gentleness, generosity and self-control. You should also model these same qualities for her and look for "teachable moments" to talk about why these things are important. It would also be a good idea to come alongside her to show her how to serve others, whether that means caring for a neighbor's pet when they're on vacation or donating some of her toys to a local homeless shelter.

It's worth mentioning that the "misplaced values" syndrome can easily extend beyond the preschool years. In fact, it only becomes more damaging as a child moves into the elementary grades, junior high and high school. Far too many parents today push their kids to make the honor roll, play on the championship soccer team, make the cheerleading squad or get into a top college. These things aren't bad in and of themselves, of course. The problem is when they become our chief goal in life. It's far better to help our children develop character traits that will last a lifetime.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: As a divorced single mom, what can I do about my young child's resistance to my efforts to develop relationships with men and to have a social life outside the home? My son simply doesn't like to "share" me with anyone else. He disliked my last boyfriend so much that I was forced to end the relationship.

Jim: In speaking with single parents about dating, we usually suggest that they don't involve their children in the process until the relationship is well established and the couple is seriously considering marriage. Otherwise, the child may get accustomed to his parent's dating partner and begin to form an attachment -- and then the relationship ends, resulting in yet another experience of significant loss in the child's life.

Here's what we'd advise: The next time you become involved in a romantic relationship, don't push your son to get to know your boyfriend until the two of you are sure that you're moving toward engagement and marriage. At that point, have a heart-to-heart talk with your boy. Assure him of your love and commitment to him, and that you realize no one could ever replace his dad. Explain that you don't expect your boyfriend to be his father, but that because you love this man very much, you want him to have a place in the family.

Take it slow. Introduce your child to the new relationship gradually. Don't expect instant bonding, and don't pressure your son and your boyfriend to become instant buddies. You might start by including your boyfriend in some activities that your son enjoys.

Above all, carefully consider whether the man you're dating has what it takes to become a positive influence in your child's life. Your son is your primary responsibility, and it's critical that you determine whether your romantic interest has the depth of character to become a good stepparent.

Q: Should we let our kids participate in Halloween by going trick-or-treating and attending costume parties? We have serious problems with many of the darker elements associated with the day, but the other families in our neighborhood go all out in celebrating it. Our kids feel left out if we don't allow them to join in. What do you think we should do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To be honest with you, we have mixed feelings about Halloween. Like you, we're uncomfortable with certain aspects of this holiday, including its traditional emphasis on evil and the occult.

On the other hand, certain features of the modern observance of Halloween strike us as being nothing but harmless fun. Children love dressing up, and we see no reason to stop them as long as their costumes are tasteful and non-occult in theme. They also enjoy getting candy and goodies from the neighbors (who wouldn't?) and showing off their outfits from door to door. From our perspective, there's nothing objectionable about this part of Halloween. It's hard to imagine a more innocent or childlike activity than trick-or-treating. This assumes, of course, that parents take precautions to provide for safe and reliable supervision before allowing their children to participate.

This isn't to say that we don't understand your feelings. On the contrary, we sympathize with and respect your concerns, and acknowledge that this topic is highly controversial among some parents. For this reason, we won't presume to tell you how to handle the problem of Halloween in your home. These thoughts are offered purely as another perspective that you may want to consider. Ultimately, we'd encourage you to stay true to your own convictions and do what you think is best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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