Q: Do you think it's a good idea for husbands and wives to have regular activities apart from each other with their friends of the same sex? My husband feels a deep need to get together with his guy friends a couple of times each month, but I'd rather spend most of my time with him. I get out with some girlfriends a couple times a year, and this seems to be more than sufficient for me. What are your thoughts?

Jim: Assuming that the two of you aren't short-changing your time together as a couple, we'd suggest that it's almost always a good idea for a husband and wife to enjoy a reasonable amount of activity with their respective same-sex friends. Females need other females. Guys need guys. But this isn't necessarily the last word.

If we were sitting across the table from you and asked you to describe your marriage, what would you say? What are your expectations for the relationship? Are those expectations being fulfilled or not? Give some honest thought to the quality of your relationship. When it is just the two of you, do you enjoy each other's company, or do you find it difficult to be together? How would your spouse answer that question?

Bottom line: If you're connecting, enjoying the time you spend together, and striking a healthy balance between friend time and couple time, we don't think you have anything to worry about. A secure wife who cares about her husband's enrichment is usually happy to see him forming healthy bonds with other men of solid character. If, however, your husband is deliberately cutting you out of his life or trying to "escape" the relationship, I'd encourage you to give the situation some attention -- preferably with the assistance of a trained marriage counselor.

Q: How can I encourage my bashful preschooler to open up and break out of her shell? She's soft-spoken, reserved, and afraid of walking into a room full of people. Is there something we can do to make it easier for her to interact with others?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Every individual is different, and there are some situations in which a child's bashful behavior may turn into a cause for serious concern. But most of the time it's simply a question of temperament. In these cases, there's no need to think of it as an insurmountable problem or to treat it like one. Some kids are just born with a predisposition to be less outgoing than others.

Raising bashful boys and girls is a delicate art that requires discernment, sensitivity and balance. If you have a more assertive, confident personality than your daughter, it may be particularly difficult for you to understand her. If so, your first assignment is to get inside her head and try to see the world through her eyes.

One of the best ways to help a shy child is to show her that you love her unconditionally. Let her know that she doesn't have to perform in certain ways to be accepted by you. At those moments when she seems paralyzed by her bashfulness, respond with encouragement -- a disapproving comment or look will only make her feel even more self-conscious.

At the same time, resist the temptation to make life easier for her by shielding her from new people or situations. Coddling and reinforcing self-defeating behavior will only create additional problems in the future. If you feel like you need more guidance in this matter, you can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Should I share my marital frustrations and problems with my parents and siblings? We're a tight-knit family, and though my marriage isn't in crisis, sometimes I just need to vent.

Jim: Only if the sharing, venting and "support" they garner for you are likely to produce positive results in your marriage. But how do you determine this?

The first step is to gauge the emotional stability and psychological health of your parents and siblings. Are they really the kind of people you can trust with your secret marital frustrations? Do they have the capacity to listen compassionately to what you have to say and would their only motive be to offer you good, solid, objective and disinterested advice?

Every couple needs a strong support system -- a group of people they can turn to in times of trouble. Ideally, we all want family members to be part of that network. When it comes to your marital frustrations, however, family is often too emotionally involved, too biased, and too invested to maintain a helpful and objective point of view. Remember, God has designed your marriage to be an exclusive relationship. If you want to preserve its integrity and promote its health, you have to take measures to protect it from outside meddling.

Generally speaking, I'd encourage you and your spouse to keep your conflicts and disagreements between yourselves. If you find yourself needing a third party to help you work things through, we'd urge you to seek out a same-gender individual who can maintain a purely detached and disinterested perspective -- a pastor, for instance, or a qualified marriage counselor or a trusted friend. This is the best way to preserve safety and trust at the heart of your marriage.

Q: My fiance and I are excited to be planning our wedding, but we're already starting to encounter some tension as we talk about budgeting for the ceremony -- much less how we'll manage our finances once we're married. Do you have any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: One of the greatest areas of conflict in any marriage is money. The reasons are easy to understand. When you put two people together with one checkbook who have different value systems, different personalities, different training, different goals and different priorities, you're bound to have conflict. Determining how you are going to make financial decisions and who pays what bills, who determines the budget, etc., are essential aspects of preparing for marriage.

You should also address your respective beliefs about credit cards (and whether either of you are bringing any credit debt into the marriage), along with topics like student loans, children (when and how many), how soon you expect to buy a house and other lifestyle expectations.

It can actually be a good idea for young couples to prepare a combined budget before they get married. Most of the financial conflict that occurs in marriage can be avoided if couples spend some time talking through these issues prior to the wedding. These questions assume an even larger significance when divorced or widowed individuals come together in a second marriage.

Many of the money problems that arise in marriage are actually communication problems. If a couple can't discuss money, which will affect their lives on a daily basis, they are bound to have serious issues showing up in other areas of their life together. Values, goals, priorities, philosophies, training -- it's important to understand all of these things about yourself and your intended spouse before you get married. For more insights, I would humbly suggest the book "Ready to Wed" from Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley, general editors (Tyndale House Publishers Inc., 2015).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My son has always been very open with me, but now that he's in middle school, I can barely get him to tell me how his day went. How can this worried mom stay connected?

Jim: By the time kids enter middle school, their march toward independence is well under way. It can be a confusing time for parents -- as my wife, Jean, and I can attest, since we've been living it the past few years!

When a child spreads his wings, it can feel like he's turning his back on you instead. But that's not really the case. Your middle schooler needs you as much as he always has -- in some ways, more. He just needs you in a different way than he did in his formative years.

That requires us as parents to strike a delicate balance with our middle school children. As author Cynthia Tobias says, you have to relax your grip while never taking your hands off the wheel. If you back off too much, you'll leave them drifting and flailing. But if you lean in too hard, you'll push them away or embarrass them.

In practical terms, that means you have to lean in to your son enough to take his problems seriously. The events your middle schooler faces may seem of little consequence to you as an adult, but they can represent a teen's whole life. So don't minimize their adolescent struggles. At the same time, you have to relax your grip and not force solutions on them too quickly.

As one middle school student put it, "Don't be an 800-pound gorilla." Instead, listen closely to their heart, not just their words, and help them discover an answer.

Q: What's your opinion of the use of hypnosis in therapy? Is this really a legitimate clinical tool? Are there any spiritual dangers associated with this practice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: We realize that hypnosis raises concerns in the minds of some people. For our part, we see no reason to regard it as "evil" or "dangerous" in and of itself. In actuality, there's little or no basis for most of the popular fears associated with this technique. It's not true, for instance, that a hypnotist can gain control or mastery of another person's will. In fact, some experts are skeptical about hypnosis's effectiveness in exerting any kind of influence over its subject. That's one of the reasons we have reservations about recommending its use.

Used ethically and responsibly, hypnosis is a method of inducing relaxation as a way of releasing the subject's subconscious mind in an attempt to open the door to deeper personal insight. Under the careful supervision of a responsible and well-qualified professional, it can sometimes be beneficial. Before submitting to hypnosis, however, it's critical to know the administering therapist and to be familiar with his or her credentials, background, worldview, value system and personal beliefs.

In the wrong hands, hypnosis has the potential to create confusion and to cause more problems than it resolves. It's also important to add that hypnosis, like any other therapeutic technique, should be rejected out of hand if it takes on questionable spiritual overtones.

If you have additional questions or would like to discuss your concerns at greater length with a member of our staff, feel free call our Focus on the Family Counseling Department. Our counselors are available to speak with you Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MST) at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.