Q: How should I respond when my son tells me that my ex-husband has been making some very critical and unkind statements about me?

Jim: I'd first encourage you to figure out whether your ex-husband is truly guilty as charged. We all know kids are capable of exaggerating or making up stories, especially if they have some motive for pitting Mom and Dad against each other. So don't jump to conclusions until you've made a serious effort to gather the facts.

If the evidence convinces you that inappropriate comments are being made, let your son know that you'll be discussing it directly with his dad. This will give you a chance to communicate with your son about the motives behind your actions.

For example, you might say, "For some time now you've been mentioning certain negative things that your father's been saying about me. I think it's important for our family that we end this kind of talk. I'm going to speak with your dad about the problem and see if we can't find a way to agree about what we will and will not say about each other. That way, if we have issues with each other, we can resolve them without bringing you into it."

The final step is to contact your ex-husband and ask if he's willing to support such a plan. Whatever the response, you can still make up your mind not to retaliate by launching verbal counterattacks. This isn't to say that you should "candy coat" his flaws for the sake of keeping the peace among the three of you. When you have legitimate concerns, you should voice them to your former husband, but you should also do your best to maintain an attitude of respect. Hopefully your child will see that your actions speak louder than your ex-husband's words.

Q: I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. He's a great guy when we're around other people. But when we're by ourselves he can be very controlling. He gets upset if he doesn't get his way or if I don't do as he wishes. My parents tell me to stand up for myself, but that just seems to make things worse. I really love this man. How can I help him be less controlling?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: How can you help your boyfriend become less controlling? Unfortunately, you can't. While our behavior can impact and influence others, only God can change a heart.

So what should you do? You mentioned your parents have encouraged you to "stand up for yourself," and that may be good advice -- depending on what it means. It doesn't mean you can go toe-to-toe with your boyfriend as if you were confronting the class bully. That approach will get you nowhere. What's needed, rather, is for you to develop and demonstrate some self-respect. The fact that you've put up with this behavior for two years suggests that you could benefit from the support of a wise professional counselor. Don't hesitate to call us for a referral.

Standing up for yourself also means establishing some very clear boundaries with your boyfriend. If you do decide to try and continue on in a relationship -- a question I'd encourage you to give serious thought to -- you should insist that he get ongoing individual counseling for his anger and control issues. These behaviors are enormous red flags. If he's serious about his love and concern for you, he'll get the help he needs. Otherwise, you're better off without him -- doing the work you need to get healthy and trusting God for a new and better beginning.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: It seems every kid on the block hangs out at our house. We have stricter rules than most parents on our street about where our grade-school children are allowed to go, so all the kids end up here. I'm pleased that they feel comfortable at our home, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. What should we do?

Jim: This issue has more to do with the grown-ups in your neighborhood than with the kids. Uncomfortable as it sounds, I'd encourage you to initiate some friendly, straightforward conversations with the other parents on your street. Explain that while you love having their kids at your home, it would be helpful if everyone could agree on some ground rules. For example, it would be a good idea if the kids brought along their own snacks -- or snacks to share -- rather than raiding your fridge every time they get hungry. You can also minimize some of the bathroom cleanup by suggesting that they make a habit of visiting the restroom at home before coming over to play.

When you're talking with the neighborhood parents, keep in mind that this can be a great time to learn more about them, their backgrounds, their perspectives on life, and their basic values. Discuss the limits you set for your kids' behavior and find out if they're on the same page. If they are, and if you feel confident that there's adequate supervision, there's no reason why you can't allow your kids to spend some time playing at their homes. That way, you can begin to spread this responsibility around the neighborhood a little more evenly.

While you want to protect your children from dangers and negative influences, it's also important for their growth and development to look for opportunities to lengthen the proverbial leash a bit whenever reasonable and appropriate.

Q: How do I train my 2-year-old to clean up after herself? She'll go into her sisters' room and destroy it, and won't help clean up unless I threaten to punish her. Then she picks up only a couple of things before getting distracted. Frankly, it's easier for me to clean it up myself. My older girls complain that they have to clean up, but their little sister doesn't. I know this isn't fair, but what else can I do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: As any parent knows, the most challenging task of raising a toddler is setting boundaries. It is important to teach your youngest daughter that she has to clean up the messes she makes, but that might be an impossible task if the messes are too big. Part of teaching your 2-year-old responsibility is not allowing her to get into trouble or create messes that are too big for her to clean up.

To start with, limit her play areas. If she consistently trashes her sisters' room, make that room off-limits. Keep play spaces confined to her own room or a family room. And in those areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at a given time. For example, give her a choice between playing with the dollhouse or the blocks. Then show her how to clean up one thing immediately before she moves on to the next.

What she's capable of handling is going to grow with time. The lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist the temptation to swoop in and clean up for her -- but remember that you need to model what cleanup does look like. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: How do I talk to my young children about the whole Bruce Jenner situation? These are things I'd prefer that they not be exposed to, but with the story being mentioned or discussed on practically every TV show and plastered on every magazine in the grocery store checkout line, it's impossible to avoid.

Jim: I'm right there with you. It's tougher and tougher to be a good and informed parent these days, isn't it? As a father of two rapidly maturing boys, what I wouldn't give for a softball question like, "Hey, Dad, where do babies come from?" Instead, we Moms and Dads are now fielding questions like, "What does transgender mean?" or, "Why is that man dressed like a woman?"

The truth is, these are questions most of us are unprepared to answer simply because we never dreamed we'd have to. Yet transgender issues are not only becoming more mainstream, but, as you've experienced, now dominate much of our popular culture.

On top of this, many children are encountering transgender topics in their schools. More and more we are seeing a growing acceptance and encouragement of transgendered children in schools -- in some cases involving those as young as age 5. Teachers might also be broaching the subject in class. A neighbor of one of our staff was recently asked by her first-grade son, "Mommy, will I be a man or a woman when I grow up? My teacher said I could choose."

You can find help to answer these challenging questions with a free online resource from Focus on the Family. "Talking to Your Children About Transgender Issues" (focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/sexuality/talking-to-your-children-about-transgender-issues) will help Moms and Dads explain this complex matter in a thoughtful and age-appropriate way. Additional resources are also available by calling us at 1-800-A-FAMILY. Please don't hesitate to get in touch.

Q: My fiancee and I are having a disagreement. Her family abstains from alcohol because of a past history of abuse, but my family enjoys drinking in moderation. She's asked me to give up alcohol completely in order to make her family happy. If I compromise on this issue, what else might they ask me to do? What advice can you give me?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've raised an important question -- one that really has little to do with alcohol, and much to do with deeper issues like power, control, humility, selfishness, sacrifice, marital independence, healthy boundaries and loving others. Regardless of where folks stand on the ethics of alcohol consumption, I'd suggest the more pertinent matter to consider is whether we allow any part of life (alcohol or anything else) to consume us.

The first thing I'd advise is to sort out what's actually going on: Is this a demand your fiancee's family is trying to impose on both of you? Or is it an independent request that she is making? If it's the former, or if your fiancee is asking out of a need to please her family, you may be encountering some unhealthy control dynamics that you'll need to confront (possibly with the help of a counselor), no matter what you decide about alcohol.

If, on the other hand, your betrothed is simply concerned for her family's well-being, you'll need to ask yourself how willing you are to sacrifice your own pleasures in order to demonstrate your love to your future wife. After all, this is what marriage is all about.

Keep in mind that the solution here needn't be an all-or-nothing proposition. A reasonable approach you and your fiancee might consider would be for you to respectfully forgo alcohol when you're with the in-laws, while enjoying an occasional drink when they're not around. This represents a win-win for everybody.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.