Q: What does it take to be a good father? I grew up without a dad. Now I'm married with a baby on the way, and I'm feeling anxious and unprepared. Do you have any advice?

Jim: I get you. That was me. That is me. Being a dad is tough enough. But for guys like us whose fathers were physically or emotionally absent, the job seems especially daunting. You and I understand -- perhaps in ways other men cannot -- just how important it is for kids to have a healthy male role model in their lives.

Thankfully, God has been gracious to put some wise and solid men in my path to instruct, encourage and support me along the way. Realizing what a difference maker they've been, my first suggestion would be to find a mentor -- an experienced older man who can help you discover what it means to be a good husband and father. A good place to look may be a church that has a strong men's ministry. Another excellent option is the National Center for Fathering. Visit the organization's website at fathers.com for information about its Dads of Destiny program and other great resources.

It's also possible that your experience as a fatherless child has left you with some unresolved emotional issues. I'd encourage you to work through these as you seek to become the best dad you can be for your own kids. We'd be happy to provide you with referrals for qualified counselors in your area.

Finally, as my Father's Day gift to you and any other dads who can use encouragement to face today's challenges of fatherhood, I'd like to give you a copy of my latest book, "The Good Dad: Becoming the Father You Were Meant to Be." Just call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) and request a copy with my compliments as supplies are available.

Q: Sometimes my husband and I talk about sensitive issues while out on a date. We're so busy that this is typically the most convenient time for us to discuss problems and concerns. Is this a good idea?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: King Solomon wrote, "Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which (God) has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life..." Although his admonition was offered thousands of years ago, current research confirms what the wise king understood and knew in his heart: Spending time enjoying your spouse is critical to a healthy marriage.

Marital research experts Dr. Scott Stanley and Dr. Howard Markman conducted a survey to discover what creates a "strong" relationship. To their surprise, the amount of fun couples had together emerged as the strongest factor in understanding overall marital happiness.

If time spent together having fun is this important, then we must jealously guard these moments against invading distractions. Allowing conflict or unpleasantries to creep in is like throwing a red shirt into a washer full of white clothes. It's only one small shirt, but it's enough to ruin the whole load.

Conflict during dates can have the same destructive effect because it intensifies emotions, making it difficult to relax and enjoy each other. If the pattern becomes a practice, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because the experience ends up turning "pink."

Before that happens, we encourage you and your spouse to set aside difficult conversations during date night and reschedule them for when you can give them your undivided attention. Focusing on the fun during dates will strengthen your bond and enable you to deal with the difficult issues better at the proper time.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Should we terminate our friendship with another couple after the man and I became involved in an emotional affair? It's over now, and our spouses have taken a firm but conciliatory attitude toward the whole thing. We've suspended our normal get-togethers for the time being. At some point, though, do you think it would be OK to resume our friendship?

Jim: As much as it's hard to hear, I would say "no." From our perspective, there's simply no way around it. When marital unfaithfulness has occurred, perhaps the most important element of the reconciliation process is a willingness on the part of the offending spouse to take responsibility for his or her actions and accept the consequences. In your case, we'd have to include the loss of this friendship among the casualties.

Imagine if the man was a co-worker. Would it be possible, once the affair was over, to go back to life as usual in the office? We don't think so. Our advice would be to give two weeks' notice and find a new job.

What if he were your next-door neighbor? This is admittedly a more difficult and complicated scenario. Nevertheless, circumstances permitting and all other things being equal, we'd still recommend that you pack the house and relocate.

Why do we say this? Because it's unwise to place yourself in temptation's path. You may think you've got your emotions under control, but the affair can and often does recur if you're not careful. A wise man once wrote, "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?" The answer, of course, is no. The best thing you can do is cut all ties with the other couple.

Q: How can I know if I need to seek professional help with my depression? I've felt sad and fatigued for a long time, but I'm hoping it's just a phase.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Because clinical or major depression is a serious problem, I'd encourage you to seek help right away. Clinical depression is more than a temporary emotional slump. It involves a persistent -- lasting two weeks or longer -- and usually disruptive disturbance of mood and often affects other bodily functions as well. Here's a list of the most prominent characteristics:

-- Persistent sadness and/or irritability. This may include depressive emotional reactions that seem out of proportion to the circumstances; episodes of moping and crying; withdrawal and isolation; fatigue and loss of enthusiasm or interest in favorite activities; poor school performance; and outbursts of anger and overt acting out.

-- Painful thoughts that manifest themselves in relentless introspection, a negative self-concept, persistent anxiety and a sense of hopelessness.

-- Physical symptoms such as insomnia, changes in appetite, headaches, dizziness, nausea, heart palpitations, abdominal cramps and episodes of shortness of breath.

-- In rare cases, a severe case of depression may also involve delusional thinking, including visual and auditory hallucinations. This is not merely depression but a form of psychosis, a serious disorder of neurochemical functions in the brain.

While treatable, the causes of depression can be extremely complex, including a blend of genetic, biochemical, personal, family and spiritual factors. That's why I'd encourage to you get a physician's evaluation and seek professional counseling without delay. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department would be happy to speak with you and provide you with a list of qualified therapists in your area. You can contact them Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. MST at 855-771-HELP (4357)

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Do you have any advice for the parent of a preteen child who's extremely overweight? I want to help him lose weight while he's young, before it becomes a serious problem later in life.

Jim: It's great that you want to see your child live a long and healthy life -- starting now! Childhood obesity is a serious problem. Children who are clinically obese -- an issue we'd encourage you to discuss with your family physician -- are at high risk for diabetes, heart disease, vascular disease, stroke, arthritis and early death. That's not to mention the hit it puts on their self-esteem.

Our Physicians Resource Council suggests focusing on five things: 1) better nutritional choices; 2) an increase in physical activity; 3) eating meals together as a family; 4) better rest and recreation habits; and 5) wiser media choices. It's especially important to make this a family project. One of the first things we'd recommend is to turn off the TV and begin taking walks in the evening. By working together, your son won't feel singled out, and it's much more likely he'll embrace the dramatic lifestyle changes he needs to make.

You might also want to talk to your son's teacher once school resumes. He or she might be able to encourage and incorporate healthy habits across the curriculum so that the entire class benefits. You can also maintain a degree of control over his caloric intake by packing him a nutritious lunch and by restricting money that might be used to buy unhealthy snacks from school vending machines.

Most important, keep in mind that your child needs an overdose of your love and acceptance throughout this process. Do everything you can to help him lose weight, but make it clear that your affections do not depend upon his success in achieving that goal.

Q: Like a lot of guys, I've tried to surprise my wife only to have my best efforts crash and burn. I have an aversion to failure, so I've just about decided to stop trying. Any advice before I throw in the towel?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Your experience reminds me of a guy most of us men can relate to. Wanting to find his wife the perfect gift for her 50th birthday, he kept hounding her for hints of what she'd like. Finally, in frustration, she told him, "I'd like something that goes from zero to 200 in under 4 seconds." Armed with that information, he bought her the most unforgettable gift she'd ever received: a brand-new bathroom scale.

The truth is, most guys do try hard -- but we don't have a clue what our ladies really want or need. As time passes, many couples slip into a rut of predictability. Things that used to excite and thrill don't produce the same reaction they once did. And when a marriage becomes routine, the passion wanes, and couples can drift apart.

With this in mind, it's important to understand that often the goal of surprising your wife is merely to find ways to keep injecting newness and freshness into your marriage. This can be as simple as trying a new restaurant -- or it can involve a little more daring and adventure, like taking an art class together or going to an amusement park.

You don't have to go crazy, always make elaborate plans or spend lots of money to be spontaneous and do something unexpected. You're limited only by your creativity (and even then there's no shame in consulting the Internet and borrowing great ideas from others).

Ultimately, your mission is to affirm your wife, remind her of your love and commitment -- and have fun living life together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.