Q: Should we terminate our friendship with another couple after the man and I became involved in an emotional affair? It's over now, and our spouses have taken a firm but conciliatory attitude toward the whole thing. We've suspended our normal get-togethers for the time being. At some point, though, do you think it would be OK to resume our friendship?

Jim: As much as it's hard to hear, I would say "no." From our perspective, there's simply no way around it. When marital unfaithfulness has occurred, perhaps the most important element of the reconciliation process is a willingness on the part of the offending spouse to take responsibility for his or her actions and accept the consequences. In your case, we'd have to include the loss of this friendship among the casualties.

Imagine if the man was a co-worker. Would it be possible, once the affair was over, to go back to life as usual in the office? We don't think so. Our advice would be to give two weeks' notice and find a new job.

What if he were your next-door neighbor? This is admittedly a more difficult and complicated scenario. Nevertheless, circumstances permitting and all other things being equal, we'd still recommend that you pack the house and relocate.

Why do we say this? Because it's unwise to place yourself in temptation's path. You may think you've got your emotions under control, but the affair can and often does recur if you're not careful. A wise man once wrote, "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?" The answer, of course, is no. The best thing you can do is cut all ties with the other couple.

Q: How can I know if I need to seek professional help with my depression? I've felt sad and fatigued for a long time, but I'm hoping it's just a phase.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Because clinical or major depression is a serious problem, I'd encourage you to seek help right away. Clinical depression is more than a temporary emotional slump. It involves a persistent -- lasting two weeks or longer -- and usually disruptive disturbance of mood and often affects other bodily functions as well. Here's a list of the most prominent characteristics:

-- Persistent sadness and/or irritability. This may include depressive emotional reactions that seem out of proportion to the circumstances; episodes of moping and crying; withdrawal and isolation; fatigue and loss of enthusiasm or interest in favorite activities; poor school performance; and outbursts of anger and overt acting out.

-- Painful thoughts that manifest themselves in relentless introspection, a negative self-concept, persistent anxiety and a sense of hopelessness.

-- Physical symptoms such as insomnia, changes in appetite, headaches, dizziness, nausea, heart palpitations, abdominal cramps and episodes of shortness of breath.

-- In rare cases, a severe case of depression may also involve delusional thinking, including visual and auditory hallucinations. This is not merely depression but a form of psychosis, a serious disorder of neurochemical functions in the brain.

While treatable, the causes of depression can be extremely complex, including a blend of genetic, biochemical, personal, family and spiritual factors. That's why I'd encourage to you get a physician's evaluation and seek professional counseling without delay. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department would be happy to speak with you and provide you with a list of qualified therapists in your area. You can contact them Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. MST at 855-771-HELP (4357)

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Do you have any advice for the parent of a preteen child who's extremely overweight? I want to help him lose weight while he's young, before it becomes a serious problem later in life.

Jim: It's great that you want to see your child live a long and healthy life -- starting now! Childhood obesity is a serious problem. Children who are clinically obese -- an issue we'd encourage you to discuss with your family physician -- are at high risk for diabetes, heart disease, vascular disease, stroke, arthritis and early death. That's not to mention the hit it puts on their self-esteem.

Our Physicians Resource Council suggests focusing on five things: 1) better nutritional choices; 2) an increase in physical activity; 3) eating meals together as a family; 4) better rest and recreation habits; and 5) wiser media choices. It's especially important to make this a family project. One of the first things we'd recommend is to turn off the TV and begin taking walks in the evening. By working together, your son won't feel singled out, and it's much more likely he'll embrace the dramatic lifestyle changes he needs to make.

You might also want to talk to your son's teacher once school resumes. He or she might be able to encourage and incorporate healthy habits across the curriculum so that the entire class benefits. You can also maintain a degree of control over his caloric intake by packing him a nutritious lunch and by restricting money that might be used to buy unhealthy snacks from school vending machines.

Most important, keep in mind that your child needs an overdose of your love and acceptance throughout this process. Do everything you can to help him lose weight, but make it clear that your affections do not depend upon his success in achieving that goal.

Q: Like a lot of guys, I've tried to surprise my wife only to have my best efforts crash and burn. I have an aversion to failure, so I've just about decided to stop trying. Any advice before I throw in the towel?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Your experience reminds me of a guy most of us men can relate to. Wanting to find his wife the perfect gift for her 50th birthday, he kept hounding her for hints of what she'd like. Finally, in frustration, she told him, "I'd like something that goes from zero to 200 in under 4 seconds." Armed with that information, he bought her the most unforgettable gift she'd ever received: a brand-new bathroom scale.

The truth is, most guys do try hard -- but we don't have a clue what our ladies really want or need. As time passes, many couples slip into a rut of predictability. Things that used to excite and thrill don't produce the same reaction they once did. And when a marriage becomes routine, the passion wanes, and couples can drift apart.

With this in mind, it's important to understand that often the goal of surprising your wife is merely to find ways to keep injecting newness and freshness into your marriage. This can be as simple as trying a new restaurant -- or it can involve a little more daring and adventure, like taking an art class together or going to an amusement park.

You don't have to go crazy, always make elaborate plans or spend lots of money to be spontaneous and do something unexpected. You're limited only by your creativity (and even then there's no shame in consulting the Internet and borrowing great ideas from others).

Ultimately, your mission is to affirm your wife, remind her of your love and commitment -- and have fun living life together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Am I being too sensitive about the put-downs and insults my daughter and her boyfriend toss back and forth at each other? She acts like it's no big deal, but I'm alarmed and don't consider this to be healthy behavior.

Jim: I'd encourage you to trust your feelings on this one. In fact, it's been our observation many teens could benefit from some basic training on how to treat members of the opposite sex. And there's no one better than a caring parent to teach them.

There's been a lot of discussion recently about "sexual respect," but there's an important sense in which much of this talk misses the mark. As we see it, "sexual respect" has to be rooted in something more fundamental -- namely, basic human respect. The more effective approach is to foster decency and consideration for other people's feelings in all kinds of relationships. So-called "sexual respect" will follow as a natural consequence.

I suggest you begin by encouraging your daughter to develop a stronger sense of self-respect. As a person of worth, she does herself a disservice if she allows her boyfriend (or anyone else) to insult her. When she tolerates nasty put-downs by laughing them off, she's sending a message that she considers this kind of behavior acceptable. She may think this is "no big deal," but how would she react if the jokes were suddenly to turn mean or cruel? What would happen if the verbal disrespect were to escalate into physical or sexual abuse?

If your daughter needs guidance on setting appropriate boundaries in personal relationships, she may want to take a look at a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. And please call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Q: It seems a lot harder to keep tabs on what my kids are listening to than when my parents were raising me. Back then, our music came from limited sources, and the medium was visible and in plain sight. But kids today can download and store thousands of songs for free on devices the size of a postage stamp. Any solutions?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: It's obvious that at the heart of your question lies an awareness that tunes can be "teachers." When those "teachers" are conveying positive messages to our kids, that's great! But when they're spreading racy, misogynistic, violent, nihilistic, pro-drug themes and the like, then to be a good parent means setting healthy boundaries. Most parents would have serious objections if a musician were to visit their home and promote these ideas directly to their children. And yet objectionable messages often get a pass when they're espoused via melody.

Fortunately, it's actually easier these days to know what lyrical messages your kids are digesting because music fans have transcribed and posted on the Web just about every song known to man. Parents can simply type the artist and song title into an Internet search engine, and voila.

That said, even the most diligent sleuthing is no substitute for dinner and car conversations with your children about being media savvy. When it comes to their music choices, ask questions like, "What are your favorite musicians or bands, and why?" "What do your friends listen to?" "What types of songs are out of bounds?" and "What constitutes a 'good' song?"

Finally, hook up their electronic gizmo of choice to your car radio or home stereo and listen together regularly. You'll be up to speed on your kids' music consumption, and -- more importantly -- you'll be encouraging a process of discernment that can benefit them for the rest of their lives.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.