Q: Am I being too sensitive about the put-downs and insults my daughter and her boyfriend toss back and forth at each other? She acts like it's no big deal, but I'm alarmed and don't consider this to be healthy behavior.

Jim: I'd encourage you to trust your feelings on this one. In fact, it's been our observation many teens could benefit from some basic training on how to treat members of the opposite sex. And there's no one better than a caring parent to teach them.

There's been a lot of discussion recently about "sexual respect," but there's an important sense in which much of this talk misses the mark. As we see it, "sexual respect" has to be rooted in something more fundamental -- namely, basic human respect. The more effective approach is to foster decency and consideration for other people's feelings in all kinds of relationships. So-called "sexual respect" will follow as a natural consequence.

I suggest you begin by encouraging your daughter to develop a stronger sense of self-respect. As a person of worth, she does herself a disservice if she allows her boyfriend (or anyone else) to insult her. When she tolerates nasty put-downs by laughing them off, she's sending a message that she considers this kind of behavior acceptable. She may think this is "no big deal," but how would she react if the jokes were suddenly to turn mean or cruel? What would happen if the verbal disrespect were to escalate into physical or sexual abuse?

If your daughter needs guidance on setting appropriate boundaries in personal relationships, she may want to take a look at a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. And please call our counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Q: It seems a lot harder to keep tabs on what my kids are listening to than when my parents were raising me. Back then, our music came from limited sources, and the medium was visible and in plain sight. But kids today can download and store thousands of songs for free on devices the size of a postage stamp. Any solutions?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: It's obvious that at the heart of your question lies an awareness that tunes can be "teachers." When those "teachers" are conveying positive messages to our kids, that's great! But when they're spreading racy, misogynistic, violent, nihilistic, pro-drug themes and the like, then to be a good parent means setting healthy boundaries. Most parents would have serious objections if a musician were to visit their home and promote these ideas directly to their children. And yet objectionable messages often get a pass when they're espoused via melody.

Fortunately, it's actually easier these days to know what lyrical messages your kids are digesting because music fans have transcribed and posted on the Web just about every song known to man. Parents can simply type the artist and song title into an Internet search engine, and voila.

That said, even the most diligent sleuthing is no substitute for dinner and car conversations with your children about being media savvy. When it comes to their music choices, ask questions like, "What are your favorite musicians or bands, and why?" "What do your friends listen to?" "What types of songs are out of bounds?" and "What constitutes a 'good' song?"

Finally, hook up their electronic gizmo of choice to your car radio or home stereo and listen together regularly. You'll be up to speed on your kids' music consumption, and -- more importantly -- you'll be encouraging a process of discernment that can benefit them for the rest of their lives.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Sadly, our family has allowed Memorial Day to become nothing more than a day to celebrate the onset of summer, play in the sunshine and eat too much. What can we do to encourage a meaningful experience and to reclaim a sense of what the day is truly about?

Jim: I appreciate your question because there have been some years where I've been neglectful. Let's resolve to do better.

Although the establishment of Memorial Day as an official holiday came later, I think Abraham Lincoln captured its purpose best when he penned these words to his Gettysburg Address:

"It is for us, the living ... to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion."

So what are some ways we can remember their sacrifice and honor the work for which they gave their lives?

-- Attend a Memorial Day ceremony or place flowers on the gravesite of a fallen soldier.

-- Write letters of gratitude and remembrance to someone who has lost a loved one in service to our country.

-- Participate in the National Moment of Remembrance (usba.com/remembermemorialday).

-- Watch an age-appropriate movie or TV program that thoughtfully presents the struggles and sacrifices of our servicemen and women.

-- Make an American-themed dessert and host someone mourning the loss of his or her loved one.

-- Fly the colors. Take time to learn about the history of the flag and "The Star-Spangled Banner."

However you choose to honor those who've protected our freedoms, may we never take their sacrifices for granted.

Q: How do we keep my divorced parents from spoiling our wedding? I'm engaged, but as the wedding approaches, my fiance and I are beginning to fear that our big day may become an occasion for major family strife.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Sadly, you're not the first couple to face this difficult situation. This does, however, present you with an opportunity to grow together as you work through this challenge, and it can equip you in dealing with similar conflicts your marriage may encounter in the future.

My recommendation is to first find a good marriage therapist and set up a series of counseling sessions. (Call us at 855-771-4357 if you need a referral.) Key to this process is to define and establish your identity as a couple, which will place you in a better position to set appropriate boundaries with your parents.

At some point, of course, you'll need to confront them. When you do, be honest about your fears and frustrations. At the same time, make it clear that your wedding day can be a positive experience if all are willing to cooperate and keep the focus on the significance of the occasion. Take proactive control of the situation. Tell your parents precisely how you'd like them to participate in the wedding ceremony. Don't leave this open-ended, or you may open the door to further conflict.

If they are resistant, consider revisiting the conversation with the support of a trusted family member, pastor or counselor. If they're still uncooperative, you may need to respectfully invite them not to participate in the wedding. This can be especially difficult if they're footing the bill, and it may dictate making some drastic changes in your plans. Harsh as that sounds, it will be best in the long run if it helps you preserve your integrity as a couple.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Should I insist on being in the exam room when my child visits a doctor? Recently, I took my 14-year-old daughter for a checkup and was told to wait outside. To be honest, I'm concerned about messages my daughter might receive that may run counter to my values.

Jim: We understand why you felt uncomfortable at being excluded from the room when such significant matters were being discussed. At the same time, members of our Physicians Resource Council report that teens often feel freer to talk about things they might never mention with Mom or Dad present. These aren't necessarily troubling secrets or problems, but issues that, for one reason or another, teens don't feel they can talk about with anyone else. In such cases, a good doctor has a tremendous opportunity to provide wise counsel and guidance during a confusing season in life.

That's why we recommend seeking out a health care professional who shares your values -- or who is at least willing to honor them. Talk to your daughter's doctor and discuss your concerns candidly but respectfully, particularly with regard to sexuality.

Also, when it comes to such delicate procedures as a pelvic exam, some adolescents may want a parent present, while others prefer to be on their own. Discuss this possibility with your daughter in advance so that you can both consider her feelings on the matter.

Most importantly, continue investing time and energy into strengthening your relationship with your daughter. Doing so will make it more likely that she'll look to you for guidance about important matters and life choices, now and in the future. If you haven't already, take this opportunity to engage your daughter on the topic of sex and make sure she understands God's design for human sexuality. Focus on the Family can provide you with resources to help you do so with confidence.

Q: Is it appropriate for wives to initiate sex and to take the lead on occasion when it comes to lovemaking? My husband and I enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, but that's one thing I've wondered about. I guess I've always felt that should be the man's place. There are times when I desire physical intimacy, but I have doubts about whether it's right for me to get things started. Do you this this is OK?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I think I can safely answer for most husbands out there with an enthusiastic "Yes!" But personal interests aside, in a healthy marriage, both partners should have the liberty to be honest and authentic with each other. This includes the freedom to express feelings and desires, sexual and otherwise, in open, transparent and non-manipulative ways.

That being the case, you can rest assured it's good, healthy, right, proper and appropriate for both marriage partners to take an active role in initiating sexual relations. This will vary according to circumstances and each spouse's mood, feelings and desires. Here, if anywhere, a couple's relationship should be characterized by the give-and-take of a dance. The most important thing is to maintain the kind of mutual affection and respect that enables you to be open and honest with each another.

Among other things, this means taking time to talk about sex outside the bedroom. Remember that in marital sex the two of you are co-creating something that is radically exclusive and uniquely your own. It's a painting, a tapestry, a work of art that requires active input from both parties. It's all about you and your spouse becoming who you want to be together. So be creative, set yourself free and use your imagination.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.