Q: Sadly, our family has allowed Memorial Day to become nothing more than a day to celebrate the onset of summer, play in the sunshine and eat too much. What can we do to encourage a meaningful experience and to reclaim a sense of what the day is truly about?

Jim: I appreciate your question because there have been some years where I've been neglectful. Let's resolve to do better.

Although the establishment of Memorial Day as an official holiday came later, I think Abraham Lincoln captured its purpose best when he penned these words to his Gettysburg Address:

"It is for us, the living ... to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion."

So what are some ways we can remember their sacrifice and honor the work for which they gave their lives?

-- Attend a Memorial Day ceremony or place flowers on the gravesite of a fallen soldier.

-- Write letters of gratitude and remembrance to someone who has lost a loved one in service to our country.

-- Participate in the National Moment of Remembrance (usba.com/remembermemorialday).

-- Watch an age-appropriate movie or TV program that thoughtfully presents the struggles and sacrifices of our servicemen and women.

-- Make an American-themed dessert and host someone mourning the loss of his or her loved one.

-- Fly the colors. Take time to learn about the history of the flag and "The Star-Spangled Banner."

However you choose to honor those who've protected our freedoms, may we never take their sacrifices for granted.

Q: How do we keep my divorced parents from spoiling our wedding? I'm engaged, but as the wedding approaches, my fiance and I are beginning to fear that our big day may become an occasion for major family strife.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Sadly, you're not the first couple to face this difficult situation. This does, however, present you with an opportunity to grow together as you work through this challenge, and it can equip you in dealing with similar conflicts your marriage may encounter in the future.

My recommendation is to first find a good marriage therapist and set up a series of counseling sessions. (Call us at 855-771-4357 if you need a referral.) Key to this process is to define and establish your identity as a couple, which will place you in a better position to set appropriate boundaries with your parents.

At some point, of course, you'll need to confront them. When you do, be honest about your fears and frustrations. At the same time, make it clear that your wedding day can be a positive experience if all are willing to cooperate and keep the focus on the significance of the occasion. Take proactive control of the situation. Tell your parents precisely how you'd like them to participate in the wedding ceremony. Don't leave this open-ended, or you may open the door to further conflict.

If they are resistant, consider revisiting the conversation with the support of a trusted family member, pastor or counselor. If they're still uncooperative, you may need to respectfully invite them not to participate in the wedding. This can be especially difficult if they're footing the bill, and it may dictate making some drastic changes in your plans. Harsh as that sounds, it will be best in the long run if it helps you preserve your integrity as a couple.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Should I insist on being in the exam room when my child visits a doctor? Recently, I took my 14-year-old daughter for a checkup and was told to wait outside. To be honest, I'm concerned about messages my daughter might receive that may run counter to my values.

Jim: We understand why you felt uncomfortable at being excluded from the room when such significant matters were being discussed. At the same time, members of our Physicians Resource Council report that teens often feel freer to talk about things they might never mention with Mom or Dad present. These aren't necessarily troubling secrets or problems, but issues that, for one reason or another, teens don't feel they can talk about with anyone else. In such cases, a good doctor has a tremendous opportunity to provide wise counsel and guidance during a confusing season in life.

That's why we recommend seeking out a health care professional who shares your values -- or who is at least willing to honor them. Talk to your daughter's doctor and discuss your concerns candidly but respectfully, particularly with regard to sexuality.

Also, when it comes to such delicate procedures as a pelvic exam, some adolescents may want a parent present, while others prefer to be on their own. Discuss this possibility with your daughter in advance so that you can both consider her feelings on the matter.

Most importantly, continue investing time and energy into strengthening your relationship with your daughter. Doing so will make it more likely that she'll look to you for guidance about important matters and life choices, now and in the future. If you haven't already, take this opportunity to engage your daughter on the topic of sex and make sure she understands God's design for human sexuality. Focus on the Family can provide you with resources to help you do so with confidence.

Q: Is it appropriate for wives to initiate sex and to take the lead on occasion when it comes to lovemaking? My husband and I enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sex life, but that's one thing I've wondered about. I guess I've always felt that should be the man's place. There are times when I desire physical intimacy, but I have doubts about whether it's right for me to get things started. Do you this this is OK?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I think I can safely answer for most husbands out there with an enthusiastic "Yes!" But personal interests aside, in a healthy marriage, both partners should have the liberty to be honest and authentic with each other. This includes the freedom to express feelings and desires, sexual and otherwise, in open, transparent and non-manipulative ways.

That being the case, you can rest assured it's good, healthy, right, proper and appropriate for both marriage partners to take an active role in initiating sexual relations. This will vary according to circumstances and each spouse's mood, feelings and desires. Here, if anywhere, a couple's relationship should be characterized by the give-and-take of a dance. The most important thing is to maintain the kind of mutual affection and respect that enables you to be open and honest with each another.

Among other things, this means taking time to talk about sex outside the bedroom. Remember that in marital sex the two of you are co-creating something that is radically exclusive and uniquely your own. It's a painting, a tapestry, a work of art that requires active input from both parties. It's all about you and your spouse becoming who you want to be together. So be creative, set yourself free and use your imagination.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: It's Mother's Day, and I can't remember ever feeling so lonely. I recently lost my mother, who died suddenly this past Christmas. On top of that, my husband and I are still childless after two years and thousands of dollars' worth of infertility treatments. I just want this day to be over.

Jim: I hurt with you. Today is always emotional for me, too. Though decades have passed since my own mom's untimely death when I was just 9 years old, I still feel the power of her influence and the pain of her absence.

It's fitting and proper to set aside a day to honor mothers. I'm aware, however, that the occasion doesn't always feel joyous for everyone. Some, like us, have lost their mothers recently or too young. Others might be estranged from their mom, or perhaps divorce has changed the dynamic of the day.

My heart also breaks for the scores of women who long to be mothers but whose dreams haven't been realized due to infertility, illness or other reasons. And then there are mothers who've lost their children to inexplicable tragedy. Please know that you are not forgotten. The Lord knows, and He cares. He is close to the brokenhearted.

In that spirit, Focus on the Family is here for people like you. We're a ministry dedicated to helping families find hope and healing, whatever the circumstances. Please call us at 855-771-HELP (4357).

In the meantime, let me encourage you to consider that God can use our suffering to bring comfort to and deepen our relationships with others. As you work through your grief, be on the lookout for similar souls in need of the shoulder you currently seek. There's great truth in the saying that friendship multiplies joys and divides sorrows.

Q: Should I marry a man who has a problem with pornography? We've been dating for some time and recently began talking about marriage. He's a fantastic person, but I'm wondering whether his porn addiction is a red flag.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It is a red flag, and you shouldn't expect his addiction to go away on its own once you've said your wedding vows. To be more specific, don't assume that normal sexual relations will take the place of porn in his life.

That's because porn addiction isn't really about sex. It's a symptom of an intimacy disorder -- a comprehensive psychological illness that compels an individual to avoid deep, meaningful interaction with a real human being and to replace it with impersonal sensual imagery. Unless this disorder is addressed and resolved, your relationship cannot move forward on a healthy footing. Marriage will not fix the problem. It will only complicate matters and increase your pain.

So, what can you do? We recommend you get professional counseling together before there is any further talk of marriage. An intensive counseling model, consisting of a limited and concentrated series of sessions focusing specifically on the addiction problem, is the best way to address this issue. And now is the perfect time to do it. At this stage in your relationship -- before you've made a formal commitment to each other by buying rings and mailing invitations -- you're in a much better position to take an in-depth, candid look at this issue and its impact on you as a couple.

If your boyfriend really cares about you and sincerely wants to spend his life with you, he has a powerful incentive to make the necessary changes at this stage of the game. Once you've tied the knot, that motivation will no longer exist in quite the same way.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.