Q: It's Mother's Day, and I can't remember ever feeling so lonely. I recently lost my mother, who died suddenly this past Christmas. On top of that, my husband and I are still childless after two years and thousands of dollars' worth of infertility treatments. I just want this day to be over.

Jim: I hurt with you. Today is always emotional for me, too. Though decades have passed since my own mom's untimely death when I was just 9 years old, I still feel the power of her influence and the pain of her absence.

It's fitting and proper to set aside a day to honor mothers. I'm aware, however, that the occasion doesn't always feel joyous for everyone. Some, like us, have lost their mothers recently or too young. Others might be estranged from their mom, or perhaps divorce has changed the dynamic of the day.

My heart also breaks for the scores of women who long to be mothers but whose dreams haven't been realized due to infertility, illness or other reasons. And then there are mothers who've lost their children to inexplicable tragedy. Please know that you are not forgotten. The Lord knows, and He cares. He is close to the brokenhearted.

In that spirit, Focus on the Family is here for people like you. We're a ministry dedicated to helping families find hope and healing, whatever the circumstances. Please call us at 855-771-HELP (4357).

In the meantime, let me encourage you to consider that God can use our suffering to bring comfort to and deepen our relationships with others. As you work through your grief, be on the lookout for similar souls in need of the shoulder you currently seek. There's great truth in the saying that friendship multiplies joys and divides sorrows.

Q: Should I marry a man who has a problem with pornography? We've been dating for some time and recently began talking about marriage. He's a fantastic person, but I'm wondering whether his porn addiction is a red flag.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It is a red flag, and you shouldn't expect his addiction to go away on its own once you've said your wedding vows. To be more specific, don't assume that normal sexual relations will take the place of porn in his life.

That's because porn addiction isn't really about sex. It's a symptom of an intimacy disorder -- a comprehensive psychological illness that compels an individual to avoid deep, meaningful interaction with a real human being and to replace it with impersonal sensual imagery. Unless this disorder is addressed and resolved, your relationship cannot move forward on a healthy footing. Marriage will not fix the problem. It will only complicate matters and increase your pain.

So, what can you do? We recommend you get professional counseling together before there is any further talk of marriage. An intensive counseling model, consisting of a limited and concentrated series of sessions focusing specifically on the addiction problem, is the best way to address this issue. And now is the perfect time to do it. At this stage in your relationship -- before you've made a formal commitment to each other by buying rings and mailing invitations -- you're in a much better position to take an in-depth, candid look at this issue and its impact on you as a couple.

If your boyfriend really cares about you and sincerely wants to spend his life with you, he has a powerful incentive to make the necessary changes at this stage of the game. Once you've tied the knot, that motivation will no longer exist in quite the same way.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My wife is biased against my children from my first marriage. We have four kids -- two from my first marriage and two from this one -- but she clearly favors her own. At first she seemed to accept the older kids, but lately her attitude toward them has become unfairly critical and overbearing. What can I do?

Jim: According to our counselors, what you're describing is actually quite common in blended families. These conflicts can often arise over disciplinary issues, since there's a natural tendency for a biological parent to feel protective of his or her offspring when the new spouse seems unreasonable or harsh.

But while the problem is common, it isn't always easy to resolve. I'd encourage you and your wife to seek professional help from a trained therapist who is skilled in working with stepfamilies -- and to do so sooner rather than later. With the challenges your children are facing as a result of the breakup of your first marriage, it's important that you do all you can to guard them from additional stress and pressure on the home front.

Among the goals you'll want to set for yourselves in therapy, perhaps the most important, will be that of strengthening your marriage. In any family, whether original or blended, the marital relationship needs to take priority. Your counselor can help you to get your "couple" relationship back on track and show you how to clarify the complex roles and expectations within your blended family.

You can get this process started by calling Focus on the Family's Counseling Department at 855-771-HELP (4357) for a free consultation. Our counselors will also be able to provide you with a list of licensed marriage and family specialists in your area.

Q: Should special consideration be given to an abuser when post-traumatic stress disorder is suspected? My husband recently returned from a two-year deployment overseas, and since then we've been subjected to verbal put-downs, emotional abuse and even threats of physical violence.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Regrettably, your spouse's situation isn't unusual. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an issue that medical doctors and mental healthcare professionals find themselves confronting with increasing frequency in today's war-torn world. Many returning veterans find it difficult to share their emotional pain. They've been to the brink of hell and back. They naturally assume that only those who have actually engaged in combat can understand their internal struggles. As a result, they keep their mouths shut and stuff their feelings deep inside. Unfortunately, this emotional suffering sometimes finds expression in the form of domestic abuse.

Does PTSD-induced abuse call for a special response? Yes and no. On the one hand, if your husband is suffering from the psychological impact of his combat experiences, there is a sense in which his condition is unique. It's vital that professional help be received as soon as possible.

At the same time, it's crucial to add that your dilemma doesn't differ significantly from that of any other abused or threatened spouse. Regardless of the underlying causes, a person in your position really has no choice. You must adopt the attitude that safety is your top priority. If your husband becomes physically violent, don't hesitate to call 911. And if it's a question of emotional oppression and verbal put-downs, make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

Bottom line: Seek help. Because PTSD is so prevalent, most branches of the military are now providing private, confidential, one-on-one counseling for those who are struggling with the fallout of combat service. Our licensed staff of counselors is also ready and eager to be of help. Please call them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How do we establish workable media standards for our teenagers? I understand the importance of teaching thoughtful discernment, but sometimes I feel the need for more solid guidelines in order to gauge the merits of movies, television programs and music. Can you suggest anything?

Jim: Personally, I think it's a good idea to avoid extremes. Some moms and dads choose to lay down the law: No movies. No television. Period. This approach may simplify your entertainment-purchasing decisions, but it can also breed rebellion.

Other parents go to the opposite extreme: Anything goes. Do whatever you want. But this permissive approach also has some major drawbacks. I'd encourage you to steer a middle course by agreeing on shared moral values and then working together with your kids to set healthy boundaries.

It's basically a question of deciding how much you want to shield your teens from questionable entertainment, and to what extent you'd like to discuss popular media with them. Try to strike a healthy balance between the two. Put your ideas into writing and develop a "family entertainment constitution." Where possible, include suggestions from the kids -- this will ensure their buy-in and ownership of the parameters. Once the document has been drafted, post it on your refrigerator door. Make it clear that it applies to all members of the family. Stick to your guns when violations occur.

Where music is concerned, it's wise to remember that styles can be deceptive. It's entirely possible for harder genres to offer up positive messages, while some mellower musicians dump all sorts of lyrical sewage on their fans. Try not to be swayed purely by personal preference. Don't get distracted by the style or look of the messenger. Instead, take a close look at the ideas being conveyed.

Q: My spouse doesn't get along with my parents and siblings. This has led to serious conflict in our marriage. My mom and dad have always enjoyed hosting big family get-togethers, especially during the holidays, but things have gotten so bad that my spouse is no longer willing to participate in these gatherings. I'm tired of dealing with the tension. Can you suggest a solution?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The problem you're describing is extremely common, but that doesn't mean that you can't solve it. I suggest you sit down together and discuss it in a rational manner. Find a time -- maybe over coffee or after dinner at a nice restaurant -- when you can lay your concerns on the table. It's vital that the two of you come to a meeting of the minds over this issue. Relationships with extended family are an important part of every marriage. This is something you're going to have to face together if you want to build a marital relationship that will go the distance.

You may be able to work out a compromise. Why not skip certain holidays or plan alternatives to the family gatherings every other year? You could tell your parents that you and your spouse have decided to spend a quiet Thanksgiving or Christmas with your own immediate family this year. This could remove some of the stress and make it easier to face the next big get-together.

A second choice would be to attend the gathering, but stay at a local hotel rather than at your parents' home. Explain that while you're looking forward to seeing them, you'd also like to have some time and space to yourselves. Then, if the family get-together becomes unbearable for you or your spouse, you can always escape to your hotel room.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.