parenting

Some Tips on Appropriate Video Games for Your Kids

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | April 12th, 2015

Q: Should I permit my child to play video games? If so, which games should I allow and how can I maintain control?

Jim: Only you can decide if you want to allow your kids to participate in gaming. But if you do, be sure to stay actively involved in the buying process. Here are a few helpful game-purchasing guidelines:

-- Always check ratings. This is a good start, but remember that the video-game industry rating system is not infallible when it comes to determining family-friendly content. No matter what the rating says, parents should research the material to ensure that the game is appropriate for their family.

-- Read expert reviews and consult other parents. Take the time to research games that your child wants to play. Read online reviews. Focus on the Family's Plugged In (pluggedin.com) offers helpful reviews of popular video games.

-- Rent or borrow video games before buying. Before plunking down the money for a high-priced game, try finding it in the library, renting it from a game-rental outlet or even borrowing a game from a friend.

-- Set time limits and gaming rules for your family. Mom and Dad should establish the standards. Remember to be consistent about enforcing those rules. You might want to set parental controls if your gaming console or computer has that option.

-- Try the game yourself or take time to watch your child play. Playing video games with your child, or at least watching your child play a game, gives you a firsthand knowledge of the content. Your child will be more likely to talk about the game with you if you're aware of what it's about.

Remember, the key to success in this area, as in so many others, is direct parental involvement.

Q: Over the past several weeks I've had serious difficulty sleeping. My insomnia seems to be rooted in anxiety, and it's becoming worse: The more I worry about getting to sleep, the longer I lie awake. If anxiety is the issue, will medication help or will it simply mask the deeper problem?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Most of us suffer from occasional insomnia, but it sounds as if you're dealing with a chronic problem. The first thing you need to do is make an appointment with your family physician in order to rule out potential physical causes. If your doctor gives you a clean bill of health, then it's likely that your insomnia is being caused by anxiety or depression.

Anxiety-induced insomnia is fairly common. We all know what it's like to lie awake for hours thinking about our worries and concerns. Depression is a more serious issue. It can cause changes in the chemistry of the brain, which can lead to trouble sleeping or another phenomenon called "early morning awakening," a condition in which the individual wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and has difficulty falling asleep again.

Is it possible that your difficulty sleeping is related to anxious concerns about problems in other areas of your life? Are you worried about your job, a relationship or some troubling development in your family? If so, it might help to talk to someone about these issues, even if it's just a family member or trusted friend.

If, on the other hand, you suspect that you may be suffering from clinical depression, it's important to have your situation evaluated by a qualified physician. In that case, appropriate medication may be exactly what you need. Rather than "masking the deeper problem," it can restore the chemical balance required to put you back on an even keel.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Social Media Starting to Take Over Couple's Time Together

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | April 5th, 2015

Q: How can I guard against the danger of online social networking taking up too much of my time and negatively impacting my marriage? When my wife and I first started using sites like Facebook, we thought they were a great way to keep in touch with family and friends. Now they're beginning to dominate our lives. Any advice?

Jim: There's a fairly simple, common-sense solution to your dilemma: You need to take control. One way to do this is to draw up a household "mission statement" to govern your use of social media. I suggest you begin by asking yourself some basic questions: "Why do I want to be involved with social media? What am I hoping to accomplish by way of Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn?"

Sit down and hash these questions out with your spouse. Write down your answers in the plainest possible terms. For example: "My goal is to use Facebook to stay in touch with Mom and Dad, my sister Jan, cousin Frank, and Bob and Jean." Then post those guidelines on your refrigerator and make up your minds to stick with them. If you get "friend" requests from people outside this circle, feel free to ignore them.

Another way to limit the amount of time you're spending with social media is to cut down the number of devices you're using to access your account. You can also give yourself permission to leave behind your handheld devices while you're out doing more important things -- for example, enjoying a dinner date with your spouse. Some families have even found it helpful to have a "Sabbath Box," where phones and iPads can be laid aside voluntarily as a way of disconnecting for a while.

You can probably come up with additional strategies of your own. Remember, you are in the driver's seat.

Q: My spouse and I have been married only a couple of years, and already I sense that the original "shimmer" of our romance is beginning to fade. Is something wrong with us? Are we "falling out of love"?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Maintaining the emotional excitement of romance can be difficult once the day-to-day reality of married life sets in. The good news is that you can still have a healthy, vibrant marriage, even when routine "stuff" begins to take over.

How does it work? Simple. You just have to lay hold of the fundamental anchor points of daily existence and turn them into meaningful relational moments. Here are a few suggestions:

-- Waking Up. Instead of saying, "Good morning," try turning to your spouse first thing and whispering something like, "I love you, and I'm glad to be waking with you by my side."

-- Leaving the house. When it's time to go, kiss your spouse goodbye -- and kiss like you really mean it!

-- Checking in. How do you stay in touch during the day? A judicious use of social media can go a long way toward maintaining and strengthening the ties that bind.

-- Coming home. When you come back together at the end of the day, try kissing and hugging and saying, "How was your day?" You'll be surprised what a difference it makes.

-- Mealtimes. Mealtimes are ideal times for reconnecting and celebrating your shared identity as a couple.

-- Bedtime. The end of the day, like the beginning, is a universal anchor point. It's a time when you can clean the slate and express gratitude and appreciation with a goodnight kiss.

Obviously, this isn't rocket science. Neither is it about "doing more" or "doing things right." It's purely a matter of blooming where you're planted.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

parenting

Make Family Dinner a Time to Connect With One Another

Focus on the Family by by Jim Daly
by Jim Daly
Focus on the Family | March 29th, 2015

Q: It seems like dinner is about the only time that our whole family is in one place at the same time. How can we get the most out of our family meal times?

Jim: Meals are ideal times for socializing, conversation and celebration. They can and should be an occasion for sharing the day's events, decompressing, commiserating and encouraging one another. It's a time to laugh, learn how to speak and listen politely, establish one's identity as a member of the family and even welcome guests.

Realistically, this is an art, not a science. The key is to strike the proper balance; i.e., don't adopt such a rigidly "intentional" approach that you squelch spontaneity. You can use games, stories, questions, books, articles and jokes to get some productive table talk going. Try going around the table and asking each family member to share a personal goal. This can also be a good time to talk about healthy eating habits that can last a lifetime. The possibilities are almost endless.

Ideally, the family table should be characterized by warmth, respect, safety and mutual support. It should be a place where everybody is genuinely interested in what everybody else has to say. That starts with Mom and Dad. If no one seems to have much to say, try stirring the pot with a few open-ended questions, such as, "What was the highlight of your day?" or "What didn't go well today?"

Whatever you do, I would strongly suggest that televisions and phones be turned off before the family gathers. Your physical presence around the table won't accomplish anything if your minds are somewhere else. This is a time to talk to one another unhindered by electronic distractions. The whole point is to connect in meaningful ways and to know one another better.

Q: As newlyweds, what can my spouse and I do to ensure that our marriage will last a lifetime?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To begin with, believe that it's possible. A growing number of people today have such bad attitudes about marriage that they go into it -- if they get married at all -- expecting the worst. This is tragic, because fears and negative expectations have a way of becoming self-fulfilling.

So set your hearts and minds in a positive direction. If you do, I'm confident that your marriage can beat the odds of today's sorry statistics. After all, many psychologists believe that the greatest predictor of a lasting marriage is a commitment to marriage itself.

You can maintain that attitude by remembering that marriage is a relationship, not a possession. Yes, we do say "my wife" and "my husband," but that's simply a way of setting boundaries for others outside your marriage to recognize and respect. It's all yours -- to protect and nourish. Look at your marriage as one of the longest relationships you'll ever experience on purpose, and you'll be well on your way to reaching the goal.

It's also important to keep your faith strong and vibrant. The deeper your relationship with God, the more motivation you'll have to love and cherish one another. Faith produces gracious attitudes and kindly behavior. A good sense of humor doesn't hurt either.

Focus on the Family offers a wealth of information and resources to help you on the journey. See our website (focusonthefamily.com) or give us a call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

Again, husbands and wives who have made a journey of many years together know that theirs is a marriage of more than mere pleasure or convenience; it's a commitment in which divorce has never been considered an option. I wish you all the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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