Q: It seems like dinner is about the only time that our whole family is in one place at the same time. How can we get the most out of our family meal times?

Jim: Meals are ideal times for socializing, conversation and celebration. They can and should be an occasion for sharing the day's events, decompressing, commiserating and encouraging one another. It's a time to laugh, learn how to speak and listen politely, establish one's identity as a member of the family and even welcome guests.

Realistically, this is an art, not a science. The key is to strike the proper balance; i.e., don't adopt such a rigidly "intentional" approach that you squelch spontaneity. You can use games, stories, questions, books, articles and jokes to get some productive table talk going. Try going around the table and asking each family member to share a personal goal. This can also be a good time to talk about healthy eating habits that can last a lifetime. The possibilities are almost endless.

Ideally, the family table should be characterized by warmth, respect, safety and mutual support. It should be a place where everybody is genuinely interested in what everybody else has to say. That starts with Mom and Dad. If no one seems to have much to say, try stirring the pot with a few open-ended questions, such as, "What was the highlight of your day?" or "What didn't go well today?"

Whatever you do, I would strongly suggest that televisions and phones be turned off before the family gathers. Your physical presence around the table won't accomplish anything if your minds are somewhere else. This is a time to talk to one another unhindered by electronic distractions. The whole point is to connect in meaningful ways and to know one another better.

Q: As newlyweds, what can my spouse and I do to ensure that our marriage will last a lifetime?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: To begin with, believe that it's possible. A growing number of people today have such bad attitudes about marriage that they go into it -- if they get married at all -- expecting the worst. This is tragic, because fears and negative expectations have a way of becoming self-fulfilling.

So set your hearts and minds in a positive direction. If you do, I'm confident that your marriage can beat the odds of today's sorry statistics. After all, many psychologists believe that the greatest predictor of a lasting marriage is a commitment to marriage itself.

You can maintain that attitude by remembering that marriage is a relationship, not a possession. Yes, we do say "my wife" and "my husband," but that's simply a way of setting boundaries for others outside your marriage to recognize and respect. It's all yours -- to protect and nourish. Look at your marriage as one of the longest relationships you'll ever experience on purpose, and you'll be well on your way to reaching the goal.

It's also important to keep your faith strong and vibrant. The deeper your relationship with God, the more motivation you'll have to love and cherish one another. Faith produces gracious attitudes and kindly behavior. A good sense of humor doesn't hurt either.

Focus on the Family offers a wealth of information and resources to help you on the journey. See our website (focusonthefamily.com) or give us a call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY (1-800-232-6459).

Again, husbands and wives who have made a journey of many years together know that theirs is a marriage of more than mere pleasure or convenience; it's a commitment in which divorce has never been considered an option. I wish you all the best.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm about to graduate from high school. Why should I go to college? It doesn't make sense to bury yourself in debt just because everyone else expects you to pursue "higher education." Why waste several years of your life earning a worthless piece of paper only to end up working the same job alongside your high school-graduate friends?

Jim: You're absolutely right: The fact that "everyone else" is doing it is not a good reason to spend tens of thousands of dollars and four or five years of your life on higher education. College isn't for everyone. It has its advantages and disadvantages. A great deal depends on your personal inclinations, your outlook on life and what you intend to do.

For some careers, college is an indispensable part of professional training. For others, it's a far less important piece of the puzzle. Some people view a university course primarily as a source of intellectual nourishment and an opportunity to gain rich cultural experience. You need to figure out where you fall along this continuum before deciding whether to embark upon a college career. Only you can make that choice.

That said, a college education might be well worth pursuing, regardless of your occupational goals. A local state or community college could make the option more affordable. A degree can open doors that won't be opened in any other way. Among other things, many employers regard it as proof that you're a responsible, hard-working individual.

As I see it, there's an important sense in which higher education ought to be treasured for its own sake, quite apart from considerations of career or job market viability. The broader our grasp of human culture, the more we can connect with and touch other people in very specific and practical ways.

Q: My husband is a compulsive and addicted video gamer. It seems all he does is go to work and then come home and play video games. I wish it were one of our three children with this problem -- at least then I'd know I have options. But with my husband, I feel helpless. Is there anything I can do?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I can certainly understand your frustration, especially when you see no end in sight. But there are some things you can do.

First, I'm assuming your husband knows how you feel in a general sense. He's probably seen you roll your eyes or heard you tell a friend/family member how disappointed you are.

Have you ever had a respectful heart-to-heart conversation with him about your frustration? I'm not talking about a "You've got to quit all this video gaming; it's driving me crazy!" zinger.

I'm talking about a private dialogue when you say something like this: "Honey, I love you very much. In all of our years of marriage, that hasn't changed. What has changed is the time we used to talk about life and our shared interests together. I feel that I've dropped in importance on your priority list, even below your gaming. That's not what I signed up for. It's not what you signed up for. Tell me, how can we change this?"

In addition, be ready to help him with ideas that will improve the situation. Do you feel you need a weekly date night, or an after-dinner walk together? How much video gaming are you comfortable with? Those thoughts can help guide the conversation.

If you have this discussion and feel you're not getting anywhere, I'd suggest the two of you meet with a counselor. Feel free to give our staff counselors a call at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) for further help or a referral.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I'm a working wife and mother with a preschooler and a couple of school-age kids who are also involved in lots of extracurricular activities. My family's schedule is so tight and there's so much to be done that I feel compelled to "work" all the time. How can I stop feeling guilty and resist the temptation to try to be Superwoman?

Jim: Let's face it. Nobody needs to be able to do it all. In fact, it seems prideful to suppose that we can. That approach to life produces unhealthy and destructive stress.

Our licensed counselors here at Focus on the Family have suggested a few strategies for minimizing strain:

-- Don't feel pressured to be productive every time you have a block of free time. For example, turn a preschooler's weekend naptime into "you" time and do something that makes you happy.

-- Involve older kids in family decision-making and household chores. Give them a chance to help you bear the burden.

-- Consider limiting after-school activities to one or two favorites. This can alleviate excessive running around, allowing more quality time for family togetherness.

-- Connect with other working moms. Share ideas, meal preparation, organizational tips and suggestions for fun things to do as a family. Save driving time by joining a carpool.

-- Be sure to regularly set aside time to connect with your spouse. Even if your marriage is solid, regular date nights will strengthen your bond and benefit your entire family.

When all is said and done, one of the best things you can do for yourself, your marriage and your entire household is to keep life simple. Make it your goal to breathe deeply, smell the flowers and enjoy everyday pleasures. And don't get down on yourself if you can't do it all -- nobody can.

Q: My husband travels all over the world for his job. I just can't help being really jealous that he gets to go to all these wonderful places and I don't. I've started to obsess to the point where my husband doesn't want to talk about his trips. How can I stop being so jealous and just be happy for him?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: It's easy to become jealous when someone else gets opportunities that we don't. This is definitely something you need to discuss together, but I think you need to deal with your own heart first.

It's important for you to identify what is really going on with you; in other words, what "hot buttons" are being pushed in your mind and heart? Beyond the feeling of jealousy, try to put a name on the deeper emotions involved, whether they are forgotten, unfair, unimportant, minimized, insignificant, etc. Honestly assess if -- and how -- this may be something that you've dealt with for a long time and in other situations.

Remember that your emotions are your issues. You need to be able to communicate to your husband that this is how you're feeling, but that you don't want him to shut down or stop sharing this part of his life.

You'll also want to get a better understanding of what you truly desire. Do you really just want to travel, or is it more a need to be acknowledged for doing your part on the team (managing the house, kids, etc.)? Maybe you could use more fun and adventure in your life. If so, you can strategize as a couple on how to make that happen and how he can include you -- for example, using some of his frequent flyer miles to go along occasionally. (Many companies allow a spouse to travel at least once a year.)

The goal is to find a win-win scenario, and you can hopefully do that by working through these considerations together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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