Q: My elderly mother is no longer able to care for herself and has come to live with my husband and me in our home. We preferred to do this rather than place her in a nursing facility, but we're not sure that we're really prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. Do you have any insights?

Jim: I can share what our staff counselors here at Focus have said. It's important to get in touch with your own feelings as you move into this new phase in your family's life. You're probably cycling through a whirlwind of conflicting emotions -- compassion and concern, stress, anxiety and frustration, even anger and resentment. There's nothing wrong with any of these reactions. They're all part of the process.

Caring for your mom is going to mean more work for you -- especially if you're trying to meet her needs while raising children of your own. Furthermore, caring for an aging loved one is often the emotional opposite of parenting. As kids grow, moms and dads celebrate the passing of exciting milestones. In contrast, the significant milestones in the life of an elder are almost always grim, leading inevitably to death. You may feel deep pain and sadness about the way life is going.

But that's not the end of the story. Along with feelings of confusion and conflict you can experience the joy of sharing burdens, growing in relationships, spiritual breakthroughs, forgiveness and reconciliation. There's also a sense of satisfaction in knowing that your service and presence bring reassurance, comfort and coherence into your mother's fragmented world.

There are a growing number of services and devices available to help you, ranging from transportation services and adult day care to wheelchairs and home modifications. The National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a.org) can provide more information. If Focus on the Family can help you through this process, please call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Q: My daughter gets straight A's in every subject except math, where she really struggles to keep her head above water. We're having a hard time understanding why this is the case. Could her problems with math be linked to some kind of learning disability?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are some learning disabilities that involve difficulty understanding mathematical terms or concepts, decoding written word problems, recognizing numerical symbols or arithmetic signs, etc. If your child is seriously lagging behind in math, ask the teacher to arrange for a formal evaluation to at least identify if this is a possibility.

If it turns out that the issue isn't a learning disability, but simply a matter of needing additional help, I'd suggest finding a tutor or enrolling your daughter in a specialized math-learning program. A situation like this can put a great deal of stress on everyone at home, so it can be a good buffer to get some outside help rather than trying to tutor your child yourself.

Meanwhile, bear in mind that math isn't everything and that every child can't be expected to excel in this particular academic area. It's extremely important to affirm your child's strengths rather than focusing on her weaknesses. Find ways to shine a spotlight on the things she's good at. Encourage her to get more deeply involved in the subject fields she really enjoys.

Where math is concerned, help her to see assignments as positive challenges rather than frustrating obstacles. Go out of your way to cooperate closely with her math teacher. Praise your child for her effort rather than simply her achievement, and don't criticize or express disappointment when she fails. Remind her that her self-worth is not based on grades or accomplishments. Above all, affirm your unconditional love for her.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Do you have any suggestions for things families can do together while the kids are out of school on spring break? We don't have a lot of money to spend, but we would like to take advantage of the time off to strengthen our relationships and have some good old-fashioned fun. Any ideas?

Jim: "Spring break" doesn't have to automatically mean "skiing" or "trip to Florida." Expensive options like these may not be feasible for struggling families, especially with young children. Fortunately, there are plenty of other things you can do with a week off from school.

In my mind, the main purpose of spring break is to provide a needed pause in the schedule for students (and teachers) before things gear up for the hectic last couple months of school. Looking at it that way, it's a relief to realize that there's no need to pack the week with too many activities; in fact, doing so might be counterproductive. It doesn't have to be the blowout of a lifetime -- just an opportunity to chill out and spend some quality time as a family.

A few ideas:

-- Plan a couple of stay-at-home movie nights, or hit an afternoon matinee. (See PluggedIn.com for film reviews.)

-- Check out inexpensive attractions like local museums and art galleries.

-- Weather permitting, try to get outdoors as much as possible -- plan picnics, play Frisbee in the park, take a drive in the mountains, go hiking, etc.

-- Take time to laugh, talk and dream together.

With family, the best things tend to happen when you aren't expecting them. So I'd suggest staying loose, staying open and leaving room to just sit and listen to your kids. Let them tell you what they'd like to do and how they want to spend their time away from school. You'll be glad you did.

Q: Is it normal to wish I wasn't married to my spouse? I guess we still love each other, but we're worn down from hardships and disappointments that have overridden our hopes and dreams.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: "Normal" is a relative concept. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage. While some relationships are especially troubled or dysfunctional, a certain amount of dissatisfaction or disillusionment is "normal" for any marriage.

This is mainly a reflection of what I'd call the "expectation gap." Most couples start out with their heads full of dreams of marital bliss. Hopes, expectations and plans -- expressed or unexpressed -- have built up in their minds during the courtship and dating process. But those ideals often hit several speed bumps not long after the honeymoon. One spouse loses a job. Another is diagnosed with a chronic illness. Habits that seemed cute at first become annoying. In-law conflicts arise. A baby is born and financial resources begin to run thin. Reality sets in and the dream may begin to fade.

Good marriages are forged in the crucible of day-to-day experience. If you and your spouse can examine your expectations honestly -- whether they are false or true, positive or negative, healthy or harmful -- and recognize them for what they are and where they came from, you'll be in a better position to put them in perspective and deal with the challenges of life as you're experiencing it at the present moment.

If you're like most couples, you could probably use some extra help in this area. An objective third party can help provide insight into your situation that you might never recognize on your own. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that your marriage is a failure and that you'd be better off single, you should consider the option of seeking professional counseling. You can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Should we have kids if my wife is emotionally unstable and has been physically abusive with me? We've been married for 10 years and this has been going on the entire time. I very much want kids and don't know what to do.

Jim: I'm saddened for you and understand the painful prospect of life without children. Still, under the circumstances, I think it's fortunate that you haven't had kids yet. Physical violence and abuse are serious problems in a marriage. It's impossible to say for sure without more details, but our counselors suggest that the kind of behavior you're describing may indicate the presence of a personality or mood disorder. That's not a good situation for a child.

I'd encourage you to make a determined effort to deal with these issues decisively before giving another thought to having kids. You can't possibly move forward until you've addressed this pressing need at the heart of your relationship.

Ultimately, your wife must acknowledge that she has a problem and do whatever it takes to get in touch with the sources of her anger and frustration. That may mean digging up past hurts, facing fears about the future or exploring the possibility of chemical imbalances. In the meantime, parenthood will need to wait until these hurdles have been overcome.

If you've tried counseling and it hasn't worked, try again -- preferably individual therapy for your wife and intensive marital counseling for the two of you. Our counseling staff can provide you with referrals to qualified therapists in your area and would be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone. They're available Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MST) at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm totally in sync with your view that kids should play only positive video games -- but that's not our issue. Ours is time. Both of our children play only games with suitable content, but it's like pulling teeth to get them to quit. Any help here?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: As you've discovered, even games you don't mind your kids playing can be time bandits. Video game makers have definitely figured out not just what it takes to entice children to play, but to keep them coming back for more.

A good rule of thumb for curbing the tendency to overindulge is to require your kids to read 30 minutes of a great book in exchange for the privilege of playing a video game for the same amount of time. Or you could require an hour of reading for 30 minutes of electronic screen time (TV, computer, video gaming, etc.). I'd suggest developing and instituting some type of coupon system as currency. However you choose to enforce this, your children will come out winners. They'll expand their world -- increasing their reading skills and knowledge -- while keeping gaming activity under control.

A related challenge you might encounter is that your child's mental clock may tend to "run slow" when it comes to his 30 minutes of gaming privileges. The remedy is to employ a reliable timekeeping device. In our home, we used an egg timer to help enforce a family rule that limited video gaming to 30 minutes per day (an hour on weekends). These days, there are timers on the market that go one better: They actually shut off a device at a predetermined time so you don't have to be the bad guy. What better way to limit gaming to what you and your spouse determine is best for your children!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.