Q: Do you have any suggestions for things families can do together while the kids are out of school on spring break? We don't have a lot of money to spend, but we would like to take advantage of the time off to strengthen our relationships and have some good old-fashioned fun. Any ideas?

Jim: "Spring break" doesn't have to automatically mean "skiing" or "trip to Florida." Expensive options like these may not be feasible for struggling families, especially with young children. Fortunately, there are plenty of other things you can do with a week off from school.

In my mind, the main purpose of spring break is to provide a needed pause in the schedule for students (and teachers) before things gear up for the hectic last couple months of school. Looking at it that way, it's a relief to realize that there's no need to pack the week with too many activities; in fact, doing so might be counterproductive. It doesn't have to be the blowout of a lifetime -- just an opportunity to chill out and spend some quality time as a family.

A few ideas:

-- Plan a couple of stay-at-home movie nights, or hit an afternoon matinee. (See PluggedIn.com for film reviews.)

-- Check out inexpensive attractions like local museums and art galleries.

-- Weather permitting, try to get outdoors as much as possible -- plan picnics, play Frisbee in the park, take a drive in the mountains, go hiking, etc.

-- Take time to laugh, talk and dream together.

With family, the best things tend to happen when you aren't expecting them. So I'd suggest staying loose, staying open and leaving room to just sit and listen to your kids. Let them tell you what they'd like to do and how they want to spend their time away from school. You'll be glad you did.

Q: Is it normal to wish I wasn't married to my spouse? I guess we still love each other, but we're worn down from hardships and disappointments that have overridden our hopes and dreams.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: "Normal" is a relative concept. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage. While some relationships are especially troubled or dysfunctional, a certain amount of dissatisfaction or disillusionment is "normal" for any marriage.

This is mainly a reflection of what I'd call the "expectation gap." Most couples start out with their heads full of dreams of marital bliss. Hopes, expectations and plans -- expressed or unexpressed -- have built up in their minds during the courtship and dating process. But those ideals often hit several speed bumps not long after the honeymoon. One spouse loses a job. Another is diagnosed with a chronic illness. Habits that seemed cute at first become annoying. In-law conflicts arise. A baby is born and financial resources begin to run thin. Reality sets in and the dream may begin to fade.

Good marriages are forged in the crucible of day-to-day experience. If you and your spouse can examine your expectations honestly -- whether they are false or true, positive or negative, healthy or harmful -- and recognize them for what they are and where they came from, you'll be in a better position to put them in perspective and deal with the challenges of life as you're experiencing it at the present moment.

If you're like most couples, you could probably use some extra help in this area. An objective third party can help provide insight into your situation that you might never recognize on your own. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that your marriage is a failure and that you'd be better off single, you should consider the option of seeking professional counseling. You can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Should we have kids if my wife is emotionally unstable and has been physically abusive with me? We've been married for 10 years and this has been going on the entire time. I very much want kids and don't know what to do.

Jim: I'm saddened for you and understand the painful prospect of life without children. Still, under the circumstances, I think it's fortunate that you haven't had kids yet. Physical violence and abuse are serious problems in a marriage. It's impossible to say for sure without more details, but our counselors suggest that the kind of behavior you're describing may indicate the presence of a personality or mood disorder. That's not a good situation for a child.

I'd encourage you to make a determined effort to deal with these issues decisively before giving another thought to having kids. You can't possibly move forward until you've addressed this pressing need at the heart of your relationship.

Ultimately, your wife must acknowledge that she has a problem and do whatever it takes to get in touch with the sources of her anger and frustration. That may mean digging up past hurts, facing fears about the future or exploring the possibility of chemical imbalances. In the meantime, parenthood will need to wait until these hurdles have been overcome.

If you've tried counseling and it hasn't worked, try again -- preferably individual therapy for your wife and intensive marital counseling for the two of you. Our counseling staff can provide you with referrals to qualified therapists in your area and would be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone. They're available Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MST) at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm totally in sync with your view that kids should play only positive video games -- but that's not our issue. Ours is time. Both of our children play only games with suitable content, but it's like pulling teeth to get them to quit. Any help here?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: As you've discovered, even games you don't mind your kids playing can be time bandits. Video game makers have definitely figured out not just what it takes to entice children to play, but to keep them coming back for more.

A good rule of thumb for curbing the tendency to overindulge is to require your kids to read 30 minutes of a great book in exchange for the privilege of playing a video game for the same amount of time. Or you could require an hour of reading for 30 minutes of electronic screen time (TV, computer, video gaming, etc.). I'd suggest developing and instituting some type of coupon system as currency. However you choose to enforce this, your children will come out winners. They'll expand their world -- increasing their reading skills and knowledge -- while keeping gaming activity under control.

A related challenge you might encounter is that your child's mental clock may tend to "run slow" when it comes to his 30 minutes of gaming privileges. The remedy is to employ a reliable timekeeping device. In our home, we used an egg timer to help enforce a family rule that limited video gaming to 30 minutes per day (an hour on weekends). These days, there are timers on the market that go one better: They actually shut off a device at a predetermined time so you don't have to be the bad guy. What better way to limit gaming to what you and your spouse determine is best for your children!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: How can I get my wife to forgive me for the ways I've hurt her over the past couple of years? She's withdrawn from me emotionally, and I'm not sure how to convince her I've changed.

Jim: Speaking from experience, pride can often be the biggest hurdle in these situations -- so humbling yourself and acknowledging your failure is a huge step in the right direction. If you've confessed your faults to your wife and she is still having a hard time forgiving you, here are some things to bear in mind.

First, recognize that forgiveness is a process that is an emotion as well as a choice. It's possible your wife has made a rational decision to forgive you, but it may take some time for her heart to catch up with her head. This is especially true in cases of deep and serious hurt. You can't force this to happen, and if you're impatient it will only cause more pain.

But that doesn't mean you can't take some proactive measures to help things along. Begin by demonstrating your trustworthiness, an understanding of how your actions have hurt her and a willingness to accept the consequences. Show how you're taking steps to prevent the mistake from occurring again.

Finally, pray for your spouse. Ask God to reveal to her your broken heart and to heal her own. Throughout this process, make a special effort to be honest with yourself. It's easy to blame your spouse for failing to forgive when you're confident that your heart is genuinely remorseful. But there's a need for constant self-examination and correction.

If necessary, ask a professional counselor to help you and your wife through the process. Please don't hesitate to contact us at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Q: Lately, it seems my husband and I are always bickering. If it's not one thing, it's another: money, sex, work, children, housework -- you name it. Neither of us wants to argue -- but we can't seem to help ourselves. What's going on?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There's a popular phrase that says, "The issue isn't the issue." What it means in this context is that regardless of what you and your husband are arguing about, it is likely rooted in one of the five underlying issues:

-- Power and control. This struggle often reveals itself in arguments over finances, plans or preferences. Disharmony and conflict are inevitable when both spouses are vying for control in some area or when one is trying to prevent the other from taking control.

-- Lack of respect. This occurs when there's a disregard for key differences in gender, personality or individuality, or when the feelings, decisions or rights of one spouse are ignored. Attempts to manipulate also fall in this category.

-- Distance. When spouses are unavailable physically or emotionally, disharmony is likely. Sometimes spouses will put up emotional walls in attempts to protect themselves from hurt, creating feelings of rejection and abandonment for their mate.

-- Distrust. Conflict thrives here. If a relationship doesn't feel safe, distrust and suspicion can build and spouses may no longer feel comfortable expressing their feelings or needs.

-- Unmet Needs. An unmet need may revolve around time, money, attention, empathy, communication or love, and can occur intentionally or inadvertently. When needs are overlooked or minimized in a marriage, resentment and hurt can lead to conflict.

What underlying issues are at the heart of your conflicts? If you and your husband can begin to indentify and discuss these, you'll stand a much better chance of resolving them when they arise in your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.