Q: Should we have kids if my wife is emotionally unstable and has been physically abusive with me? We've been married for 10 years and this has been going on the entire time. I very much want kids and don't know what to do.

Jim: I'm saddened for you and understand the painful prospect of life without children. Still, under the circumstances, I think it's fortunate that you haven't had kids yet. Physical violence and abuse are serious problems in a marriage. It's impossible to say for sure without more details, but our counselors suggest that the kind of behavior you're describing may indicate the presence of a personality or mood disorder. That's not a good situation for a child.

I'd encourage you to make a determined effort to deal with these issues decisively before giving another thought to having kids. You can't possibly move forward until you've addressed this pressing need at the heart of your relationship.

Ultimately, your wife must acknowledge that she has a problem and do whatever it takes to get in touch with the sources of her anger and frustration. That may mean digging up past hurts, facing fears about the future or exploring the possibility of chemical imbalances. In the meantime, parenthood will need to wait until these hurdles have been overcome.

If you've tried counseling and it hasn't worked, try again -- preferably individual therapy for your wife and intensive marital counseling for the two of you. Our counseling staff can provide you with referrals to qualified therapists in your area and would be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone. They're available Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MST) at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: I'm totally in sync with your view that kids should play only positive video games -- but that's not our issue. Ours is time. Both of our children play only games with suitable content, but it's like pulling teeth to get them to quit. Any help here?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: As you've discovered, even games you don't mind your kids playing can be time bandits. Video game makers have definitely figured out not just what it takes to entice children to play, but to keep them coming back for more.

A good rule of thumb for curbing the tendency to overindulge is to require your kids to read 30 minutes of a great book in exchange for the privilege of playing a video game for the same amount of time. Or you could require an hour of reading for 30 minutes of electronic screen time (TV, computer, video gaming, etc.). I'd suggest developing and instituting some type of coupon system as currency. However you choose to enforce this, your children will come out winners. They'll expand their world -- increasing their reading skills and knowledge -- while keeping gaming activity under control.

A related challenge you might encounter is that your child's mental clock may tend to "run slow" when it comes to his 30 minutes of gaming privileges. The remedy is to employ a reliable timekeeping device. In our home, we used an egg timer to help enforce a family rule that limited video gaming to 30 minutes per day (an hour on weekends). These days, there are timers on the market that go one better: They actually shut off a device at a predetermined time so you don't have to be the bad guy. What better way to limit gaming to what you and your spouse determine is best for your children!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I get my wife to forgive me for the ways I've hurt her over the past couple of years? She's withdrawn from me emotionally, and I'm not sure how to convince her I've changed.

Jim: Speaking from experience, pride can often be the biggest hurdle in these situations -- so humbling yourself and acknowledging your failure is a huge step in the right direction. If you've confessed your faults to your wife and she is still having a hard time forgiving you, here are some things to bear in mind.

First, recognize that forgiveness is a process that is an emotion as well as a choice. It's possible your wife has made a rational decision to forgive you, but it may take some time for her heart to catch up with her head. This is especially true in cases of deep and serious hurt. You can't force this to happen, and if you're impatient it will only cause more pain.

But that doesn't mean you can't take some proactive measures to help things along. Begin by demonstrating your trustworthiness, an understanding of how your actions have hurt her and a willingness to accept the consequences. Show how you're taking steps to prevent the mistake from occurring again.

Finally, pray for your spouse. Ask God to reveal to her your broken heart and to heal her own. Throughout this process, make a special effort to be honest with yourself. It's easy to blame your spouse for failing to forgive when you're confident that your heart is genuinely remorseful. But there's a need for constant self-examination and correction.

If necessary, ask a professional counselor to help you and your wife through the process. Please don't hesitate to contact us at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Q: Lately, it seems my husband and I are always bickering. If it's not one thing, it's another: money, sex, work, children, housework -- you name it. Neither of us wants to argue -- but we can't seem to help ourselves. What's going on?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There's a popular phrase that says, "The issue isn't the issue." What it means in this context is that regardless of what you and your husband are arguing about, it is likely rooted in one of the five underlying issues:

-- Power and control. This struggle often reveals itself in arguments over finances, plans or preferences. Disharmony and conflict are inevitable when both spouses are vying for control in some area or when one is trying to prevent the other from taking control.

-- Lack of respect. This occurs when there's a disregard for key differences in gender, personality or individuality, or when the feelings, decisions or rights of one spouse are ignored. Attempts to manipulate also fall in this category.

-- Distance. When spouses are unavailable physically or emotionally, disharmony is likely. Sometimes spouses will put up emotional walls in attempts to protect themselves from hurt, creating feelings of rejection and abandonment for their mate.

-- Distrust. Conflict thrives here. If a relationship doesn't feel safe, distrust and suspicion can build and spouses may no longer feel comfortable expressing their feelings or needs.

-- Unmet Needs. An unmet need may revolve around time, money, attention, empathy, communication or love, and can occur intentionally or inadvertently. When needs are overlooked or minimized in a marriage, resentment and hurt can lead to conflict.

What underlying issues are at the heart of your conflicts? If you and your husband can begin to indentify and discuss these, you'll stand a much better chance of resolving them when they arise in your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My fiance and I can't to wait begin our new lives together. I'll confess, though, that I'm afraid this excitement will wane into routine and familiarity -- particularly with our sex life. Do you have any advice for how we can keep the spark alive?

Jim: Congratulations! You may have seen examples suggesting otherwise, but let me encourage you that with work and commitment, marriage -- and sex -- can remain exciting and fulfilling until "death do you part." Along with my prayers, let me offer you these five areas to focus on:

1. Open Communication: Make a practice of "checking in" with each other. You will encounter challenging issues in your marriage, and respectfully talking and working through them is an essential contributor toward a healthy sexual relationship.

2. Frequency of Sex: This can vary among couples. It's more important to be intimate with regularity and work together to keep your sex life a priority.

3. Understanding Life Stages: Different seasons of life -- such as parenthood, illness, or aging -- can influence marital intimacy. Couples who take a long view of marriage will achieve the perspective they need to weather the tougher times.

4. Beyond the Bedroom: Sex is an important part of marriage, but other aspects of your relationship must also be nurtured to experience a satisfying sex life. "Date" and become a "student" of your spouse. Be respectful, affirming, affectionate, kind and forgiving toward each other.

5. Emotional safety: Sexuality and intimacy are all about vulnerability, and you can't be vulnerable unless you're convinced it's safe to do so. Emotional safety means your spouse can trust you with their feelings and failures, and that you are committed to them, even though you may not always agree with or understand them. Above all, guard each other's secrets – and have none between you.

Q: My husband and I are at different places about getting a new dog. We both love animals, but were heartbroken when we had to put our golden retriever down six months ago. It's hit him so hard that he says he never wants another pet again. I think he needs to just get over it and open up his heart again. I'm tempted to bring home a cute puppy, knowing he'll melt when he sees it. Is this a good idea?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: As much as you might be right about your husband's initial reaction to a new puppy, I wouldn't do it -- for two reasons.

First, as much as your heart may be in the right place and as much as you may care about your husband, the message this move would send is "you and your feelings don't matter." Respect is a huge deal for any relationship, but in marriage it's essential. If a husband or wife experiences and senses disrespect from their mate, then trust, emotional safety and, ultimately, intimacy are compromised. It's not worth it.

Second, though non-animal lovers may not understand this, losing a pet can be a deeply profound and painful loss. And where there's been a significant loss, grief must follow. But grief isn't a one-size-fits-all formula, and people move through it differently and at their own pace. If the process isn't allowed to play out to its conclusion -- that of accepting the reality of the situation -- it can have detrimental effects on a person's spiritual, emotional and physical health.

I'd encourage you to be patient, empathize with your husband, and approach this as an opportunity to love him through a difficult time -- which will, in turn, nurture and strengthen the bonds of your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.