Q: How can I get my wife to forgive me for the ways I've hurt her over the past couple of years? She's withdrawn from me emotionally, and I'm not sure how to convince her I've changed.

Jim: Speaking from experience, pride can often be the biggest hurdle in these situations -- so humbling yourself and acknowledging your failure is a huge step in the right direction. If you've confessed your faults to your wife and she is still having a hard time forgiving you, here are some things to bear in mind.

First, recognize that forgiveness is a process that is an emotion as well as a choice. It's possible your wife has made a rational decision to forgive you, but it may take some time for her heart to catch up with her head. This is especially true in cases of deep and serious hurt. You can't force this to happen, and if you're impatient it will only cause more pain.

But that doesn't mean you can't take some proactive measures to help things along. Begin by demonstrating your trustworthiness, an understanding of how your actions have hurt her and a willingness to accept the consequences. Show how you're taking steps to prevent the mistake from occurring again.

Finally, pray for your spouse. Ask God to reveal to her your broken heart and to heal her own. Throughout this process, make a special effort to be honest with yourself. It's easy to blame your spouse for failing to forgive when you're confident that your heart is genuinely remorseful. But there's a need for constant self-examination and correction.

If necessary, ask a professional counselor to help you and your wife through the process. Please don't hesitate to contact us at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Q: Lately, it seems my husband and I are always bickering. If it's not one thing, it's another: money, sex, work, children, housework -- you name it. Neither of us wants to argue -- but we can't seem to help ourselves. What's going on?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There's a popular phrase that says, "The issue isn't the issue." What it means in this context is that regardless of what you and your husband are arguing about, it is likely rooted in one of the five underlying issues:

-- Power and control. This struggle often reveals itself in arguments over finances, plans or preferences. Disharmony and conflict are inevitable when both spouses are vying for control in some area or when one is trying to prevent the other from taking control.

-- Lack of respect. This occurs when there's a disregard for key differences in gender, personality or individuality, or when the feelings, decisions or rights of one spouse are ignored. Attempts to manipulate also fall in this category.

-- Distance. When spouses are unavailable physically or emotionally, disharmony is likely. Sometimes spouses will put up emotional walls in attempts to protect themselves from hurt, creating feelings of rejection and abandonment for their mate.

-- Distrust. Conflict thrives here. If a relationship doesn't feel safe, distrust and suspicion can build and spouses may no longer feel comfortable expressing their feelings or needs.

-- Unmet Needs. An unmet need may revolve around time, money, attention, empathy, communication or love, and can occur intentionally or inadvertently. When needs are overlooked or minimized in a marriage, resentment and hurt can lead to conflict.

What underlying issues are at the heart of your conflicts? If you and your husband can begin to indentify and discuss these, you'll stand a much better chance of resolving them when they arise in your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My fiance and I can't to wait begin our new lives together. I'll confess, though, that I'm afraid this excitement will wane into routine and familiarity -- particularly with our sex life. Do you have any advice for how we can keep the spark alive?

Jim: Congratulations! You may have seen examples suggesting otherwise, but let me encourage you that with work and commitment, marriage -- and sex -- can remain exciting and fulfilling until "death do you part." Along with my prayers, let me offer you these five areas to focus on:

1. Open Communication: Make a practice of "checking in" with each other. You will encounter challenging issues in your marriage, and respectfully talking and working through them is an essential contributor toward a healthy sexual relationship.

2. Frequency of Sex: This can vary among couples. It's more important to be intimate with regularity and work together to keep your sex life a priority.

3. Understanding Life Stages: Different seasons of life -- such as parenthood, illness, or aging -- can influence marital intimacy. Couples who take a long view of marriage will achieve the perspective they need to weather the tougher times.

4. Beyond the Bedroom: Sex is an important part of marriage, but other aspects of your relationship must also be nurtured to experience a satisfying sex life. "Date" and become a "student" of your spouse. Be respectful, affirming, affectionate, kind and forgiving toward each other.

5. Emotional safety: Sexuality and intimacy are all about vulnerability, and you can't be vulnerable unless you're convinced it's safe to do so. Emotional safety means your spouse can trust you with their feelings and failures, and that you are committed to them, even though you may not always agree with or understand them. Above all, guard each other's secrets – and have none between you.

Q: My husband and I are at different places about getting a new dog. We both love animals, but were heartbroken when we had to put our golden retriever down six months ago. It's hit him so hard that he says he never wants another pet again. I think he needs to just get over it and open up his heart again. I'm tempted to bring home a cute puppy, knowing he'll melt when he sees it. Is this a good idea?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: As much as you might be right about your husband's initial reaction to a new puppy, I wouldn't do it -- for two reasons.

First, as much as your heart may be in the right place and as much as you may care about your husband, the message this move would send is "you and your feelings don't matter." Respect is a huge deal for any relationship, but in marriage it's essential. If a husband or wife experiences and senses disrespect from their mate, then trust, emotional safety and, ultimately, intimacy are compromised. It's not worth it.

Second, though non-animal lovers may not understand this, losing a pet can be a deeply profound and painful loss. And where there's been a significant loss, grief must follow. But grief isn't a one-size-fits-all formula, and people move through it differently and at their own pace. If the process isn't allowed to play out to its conclusion -- that of accepting the reality of the situation -- it can have detrimental effects on a person's spiritual, emotional and physical health.

I'd encourage you to be patient, empathize with your husband, and approach this as an opportunity to love him through a difficult time -- which will, in turn, nurture and strengthen the bonds of your marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How can I get my teenage daughter to stop lying? I've caught her telling "tall tales," and now she's complaining that the kids at school don't believe anything she says. What should I do?

Jim: I'd suggest you start by trying to uncover the underlying motive for her lying. Chances are it's a play for attention. She may not feel confident and secure about who she is -- and may be trying desperately to gain her peers' respect.

If this scenario seems plausible, the roots of the problem may lie within the circle of your immediate family. Life's demands can easily siphon off the attention our kids need, and it may be that your daughter just wants to be reassured of your love. Consider looking for opportunities to spend some one-on-one time together. Ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about. If her problem with lying has a domestic basis, you may be able to affect a solution without ever moving beyond the home front.

But if this approach falls flat -- if the lies seem designed purely to get a response from her peers -- then you'll want to paint a vivid picture of the negative effect lying will have on her relationships with them: If her friends feel she can't be trusted, they won't want to spend time with her. This, of course, is exactly the opposite of what she's looking for. Help her understand that, and you may start seeing some real progress.

Regardless, firm consequences for lying, such as taking away privileges, may also be necessary. Don't get pulled into a debate with her about whether or not she told the truth. Just deal with the behavior in a decisive way -- act, don't yak. Please contact our counselors if we can help in any way.

Q: My wife and I have been married for three years. A year into our marriage she began sleeping in another bedroom because my snoring was keeping her awake. We still get along great, but physical intimacy has diminished significantly, and our relationship feels more like we're housemates. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Surprisingly, the arrangement you've described is becoming less uncommon. A recent survey by Ryerson University in Toronto suggests that between 30 to 40 percent of couples are now opting for separate sleeping arrangements. While a good night's sleep is important to both physical and marital health, I personally feel that the benefits of a husband and wife sharing a bed are worth exhausting every effort to find a solution.

If you haven't already, make an appointment with your physician. Causes for snoring can sometimes be minor and easily remedied. Your doctor can assess your situation and, if necessary, refer you to a sleep specialist. If the cause of your snoring is determined to be obstructive sleep apnea, your doctor may prescribe a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine or may recommend an oral appliance that repositions the jaw or tongue.

In the meantime, do whatever is necessary to jumpstart your sex life so you're enjoying physical intimacy together on a regular basis. Schedule an "appointment" if you need to. It may not sound very romantic, but it's that important. I'd also recommend that, while you're working toward getting back to your former sleeping arrangement, you start off in the same bed before one of you moves to the next room for the night. The quiet and uninterrupted time together can encourage emotional and physical intimacy so crucial to a strong and vibrant marriage. Please call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can help in any way.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.