Q: How can I get my teenage daughter to stop lying? I've caught her telling "tall tales," and now she's complaining that the kids at school don't believe anything she says. What should I do?

Jim: I'd suggest you start by trying to uncover the underlying motive for her lying. Chances are it's a play for attention. She may not feel confident and secure about who she is -- and may be trying desperately to gain her peers' respect.

If this scenario seems plausible, the roots of the problem may lie within the circle of your immediate family. Life's demands can easily siphon off the attention our kids need, and it may be that your daughter just wants to be reassured of your love. Consider looking for opportunities to spend some one-on-one time together. Ask her if there's anything she'd like to talk about. If her problem with lying has a domestic basis, you may be able to affect a solution without ever moving beyond the home front.

But if this approach falls flat -- if the lies seem designed purely to get a response from her peers -- then you'll want to paint a vivid picture of the negative effect lying will have on her relationships with them: If her friends feel she can't be trusted, they won't want to spend time with her. This, of course, is exactly the opposite of what she's looking for. Help her understand that, and you may start seeing some real progress.

Regardless, firm consequences for lying, such as taking away privileges, may also be necessary. Don't get pulled into a debate with her about whether or not she told the truth. Just deal with the behavior in a decisive way -- act, don't yak. Please contact our counselors if we can help in any way.

Q: My wife and I have been married for three years. A year into our marriage she began sleeping in another bedroom because my snoring was keeping her awake. We still get along great, but physical intimacy has diminished significantly, and our relationship feels more like we're housemates. What can we do?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Surprisingly, the arrangement you've described is becoming less uncommon. A recent survey by Ryerson University in Toronto suggests that between 30 to 40 percent of couples are now opting for separate sleeping arrangements. While a good night's sleep is important to both physical and marital health, I personally feel that the benefits of a husband and wife sharing a bed are worth exhausting every effort to find a solution.

If you haven't already, make an appointment with your physician. Causes for snoring can sometimes be minor and easily remedied. Your doctor can assess your situation and, if necessary, refer you to a sleep specialist. If the cause of your snoring is determined to be obstructive sleep apnea, your doctor may prescribe a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) machine or may recommend an oral appliance that repositions the jaw or tongue.

In the meantime, do whatever is necessary to jumpstart your sex life so you're enjoying physical intimacy together on a regular basis. Schedule an "appointment" if you need to. It may not sound very romantic, but it's that important. I'd also recommend that, while you're working toward getting back to your former sleeping arrangement, you start off in the same bed before one of you moves to the next room for the night. The quiet and uninterrupted time together can encourage emotional and physical intimacy so crucial to a strong and vibrant marriage. Please call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can help in any way.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Question: How can I convince my husband that budgeting is important? I'm a firm believer in it, but my husband doesn't think it will work in our situation.

Jim: Finances are a significant issue in any marriage. Disagreements about money can create huge problems between husband and wife, but the need for good communication is even more important. In fact, it's absolutely fundamental to the health and longevity of your relationship. So before tackling the question of a budget, I'd suggest you take steps to strengthen the foundation of your marriage, including some serious reading on the subject of marital communication and goal setting. (We can help with that -- see below.)

That said, I'd hazard a guess that "your situation" is probably one that's faced by millions of families: Your bills are bigger than your paycheck and you're spending more than you're earning. The good news is that things are not really as hopeless as they seem. You may need to seek professional assistance, but if you can learn to communicate with each other, you and your husband can come up with a workable plan for gaining control of your finances.

The key is to learn how to live on less than you earn. A budget will enable you to do this. In the process, it will also:

-- Establish a spending plan.

-- Encourage saving.

-- Reduce stress.

-- Allow for the unexpected.

-- Encourage charitable giving.

-- Discourage debt.

-- Facilitate flexibility.

To set up a budget, you have to discuss and establish your priorities -- which can take you a long way in the direction of relational and financial harmony.

For related articles and resources, see www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/money-and-finances. If you feel you need help sorting through these ideas and applying them to your situation, feel free to give our counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Question: We don't fly frequently, so as parents we're wondering how to handle in-flight movies. Should we assume the "airline versions" are free from inappropriate material?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged-In: The short answer is, "No!" But that needs a bit of unpacking, given the rapidly changing ways airlines deliver movies. First, some aircraft within an airline's total fleet still offer in-flight films the "old-fashioned" way: an announcement about a single movie with everyone being encouraged to lower their window shades. If that's the case with your upcoming trip, you need to know that these particular airline versions can range from squeaky clean to quite problematic.

Much of that has to do with the original movie itself. If the film is something like "Dolphin Tale 2" or "When the Game Stands Tall," you're fortunate because movies like these require little to no editing. But for motion pictures like "Let's Be Cops" and "The Heat" (both R-rated originally, and recently shown in-flight on at least one airline), it's nearly impossible to edit out all inappropriate content. Plus, my personal experience is that editors of in-flight movies rarely think like you and me!

But there's something else at play in the sometimes-friendly skies these days. Many aircraft are wired for Wi-Fi and/or offer a plethora of media choices. I was recently on an international flight that advertised "over 1,800 channels of premium entertainment to keep you busy." Almost 2,000 options!

Another domestic carrier I regularly fly offers DirecTV and on-demand films for flights over two hours. If you're flying an airline that delivers dozens -- if not hundreds -- of airborne media choices, do some research ahead of time. Airline entertainment options can often be found online; then cross-reference with Pluggedin.com to determine appropriateness. You're likely to find an encouraging and uplifting film for your children (and you) to view, right there in plane sight!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Question: How can grandparents help new parents without wearing out their welcome? I'm excited to play an active and positive role in my grandchild's life, but I want to be careful to respect appropriate boundaries with my son and daughter-in-law.

Jim: As a grandparent, you can have a profound impact on the lives and outlook of your children and grandchildren. The value of the perspective you've gained after raising your own kids can't be overstated. It's an incredible gift to help grown children see their offspring through the eyes of a hopelessly love-struck grandparent, rather than viewing them as a source of nonstop responsibility.

Perhaps the greatest gift you have to offer is the gift of your time. New parents need a break every once in a while. This is particularly important for single moms, but it applies in the case of married couples as well. You might suggest a specific time ("How about if I come over Wednesday night around 6 p.m., so you can get out for a couple of hours?"), rather than something vague ("Let me know if I can help"). Or you can extend an open invitation to them to call you whenever they feel they've reached the end of their rope.

By the way, here's an important piece of advice about giving advice: If you aren't in complete agreement with the way your grown children are raising your grandchildren, be very careful about the way you broach that subject, especially with a daughter-in-law or son-in-law.

Remember: As parents, they have the final say and responsibility for the way their children are brought up, and your duty in nearly every situation is to abide by their decisions. The exception, of course, is if an irresponsible parent's behavior or neglect is exposing a child to harm. Otherwise, offer advice only if asked, and work at building a relationship in which you can compare notes and share the benefits of your parenting experience.

Question: I'm dating a young lady and we're getting fairly serious. My issue is that my parents divorced when I was a teenager. I saw what they went through, and I'm still trying to get over my own hurt feelings regarding their divorce -- and my fear of marriage in general. I don't want to lose her, and neither of us can wait forever. What can I do to move on in my own relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I commend you for recognizing that you're carrying "baggage" from your parents' divorce, and especially for being proactive about dealing with it. Let's break this down into three key pieces.

First, deal with YOU. You need to realistically address your own "junk" and work on becoming a healthy person, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not. That may well involve professional counseling to process your past hurts; you can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357). I'd also recommend the resources available through Focus' faith-based online community for young single adults, Boundless.org.

Second, deal with HER. Let her know what's going on with you -- talk about the hesitation, fear and emotional walls you're working on overcoming (it's about your parents' divorce, not your present relationship). Tell her what she can do to support you. The more you include her and provide honest information, the stronger your connection can become.

Finally, deal with the RELATIONSHIP. When the time is right, get good premarital counseling. Eighty percent of couples who get at least 6 to 8 hours of quality premarital counseling stay together. That's how you work toward "divorce-proofing" your own marriage before it starts!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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