Question: How can grandparents help new parents without wearing out their welcome? I'm excited to play an active and positive role in my grandchild's life, but I want to be careful to respect appropriate boundaries with my son and daughter-in-law.

Jim: As a grandparent, you can have a profound impact on the lives and outlook of your children and grandchildren. The value of the perspective you've gained after raising your own kids can't be overstated. It's an incredible gift to help grown children see their offspring through the eyes of a hopelessly love-struck grandparent, rather than viewing them as a source of nonstop responsibility.

Perhaps the greatest gift you have to offer is the gift of your time. New parents need a break every once in a while. This is particularly important for single moms, but it applies in the case of married couples as well. You might suggest a specific time ("How about if I come over Wednesday night around 6 p.m., so you can get out for a couple of hours?"), rather than something vague ("Let me know if I can help"). Or you can extend an open invitation to them to call you whenever they feel they've reached the end of their rope.

By the way, here's an important piece of advice about giving advice: If you aren't in complete agreement with the way your grown children are raising your grandchildren, be very careful about the way you broach that subject, especially with a daughter-in-law or son-in-law.

Remember: As parents, they have the final say and responsibility for the way their children are brought up, and your duty in nearly every situation is to abide by their decisions. The exception, of course, is if an irresponsible parent's behavior or neglect is exposing a child to harm. Otherwise, offer advice only if asked, and work at building a relationship in which you can compare notes and share the benefits of your parenting experience.

Question: I'm dating a young lady and we're getting fairly serious. My issue is that my parents divorced when I was a teenager. I saw what they went through, and I'm still trying to get over my own hurt feelings regarding their divorce -- and my fear of marriage in general. I don't want to lose her, and neither of us can wait forever. What can I do to move on in my own relationship?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I commend you for recognizing that you're carrying "baggage" from your parents' divorce, and especially for being proactive about dealing with it. Let's break this down into three key pieces.

First, deal with YOU. You need to realistically address your own "junk" and work on becoming a healthy person, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not. That may well involve professional counseling to process your past hurts; you can start with our licensed staff counselors by calling 855-771-HELP (4357). I'd also recommend the resources available through Focus' faith-based online community for young single adults, Boundless.org.

Second, deal with HER. Let her know what's going on with you -- talk about the hesitation, fear and emotional walls you're working on overcoming (it's about your parents' divorce, not your present relationship). Tell her what she can do to support you. The more you include her and provide honest information, the stronger your connection can become.

Finally, deal with the RELATIONSHIP. When the time is right, get good premarital counseling. Eighty percent of couples who get at least 6 to 8 hours of quality premarital counseling stay together. That's how you work toward "divorce-proofing" your own marriage before it starts!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Question: I've had a problem with alcohol for years, and now it's severely impacting my family and even my work. I doubt that I'll be able to stop drinking without professional assistance. Can you point me in the right direction?

Jim: You've already taken the most important step toward change by admitting that you need help. No one sets a goal of becoming addicted to a substance. Addiction is powerful and deceptive in its nature. It's a non-discriminatory, progressive disorder of the body, mind and spirit -- therefore, it isolates people spiritually, emotionally and socially. If you're ever to move beyond this stifling isolation, it will be because you intentionally choose to do so.

I encourage you to begin your recovery journey by identifying the nearest support group that deals with alcoholism or addictive behaviors. In addition to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there are many faith-based recovery meetings that can offer encouragement.

If you're unsure what level of care you need, our counselors recommend that you contact a licensed chemical dependency treatment program near you to schedule an evaluation. The outcome will help you determine the next step. While the thought of taking that step may seem intimidating, I strongly encourage you to follow through on the program's recommendations. Your life is too precious to gamble with, and trying to overcome addiction without outside help is extremely difficult.

Getting treatment is a crucial decision, but it's just the beginning. After treatment, the stresses of living sober can quickly lead to a relapse. You'll want to connect with a strong aftercare program where relapse prevention techniques and skills are taught.

Finally, I invite you to call our licensed counselors at Focus, 855-771-HELP (4357). They can provide encouragement and also help you find a qualified therapist in your area who can assist in your efforts to move forward. May God grant you the strength for the journey.

Question: Our 17-year-old son has become very disrespectful to us. He's easily angered and makes sarcastic remarks. We've tried taking away privileges, but it doesn't seem to change his attitude. What can we do to make him take notice and grow up?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I understand that this is a frustrating situation -- but unfortunately, one that is fairly common. Often when a teenager starts being disrespectful, I assume that something else is driving that behavior.

Begin by doing a self-check to assess the behaviors you and your spouse are modeling. If your son feels that you don't respect each other (or him), or doesn't believe he's a priority to you, he may reflect that attitude back at you.

Next, it's vital to reach out in love and try to find out what has prompted the behavioral change. Is he being bullied or rejected by peers? Perhaps he didn't make a team, or is struggling with a particular school subject, and is feeling diminished as a result.

The point is that if you genuinely try to understand his world and emotions, and pursue him relationally, he probably won't resent limits. Teenagers need a stable, secure foundation to launch into adulthood; they want to know that you care enough to establish reasonable boundaries.

That involves being proactive vs. reactive. Set aside a time -- outside the heat of conflict -- and respectfully share your feelings using word pictures. Involve your son in the process of contracting around appropriate behavior, i.e., get him to decide and agree not only to the consequences if he falls short, but also the rewards when he succeeds.

As the saying goes, "Do to others what you would have them do to you." Show him you respect him enough to really care if he's hurting, and hopefully he will reciprocate.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Question: I admit I'm a workaholic. This coming year, I want to be more involved with my wife and kids and less distracted by business concerns, but I fear I've lost the ability to jump off the treadmill and leave the rat race behind. Any suggestions?

Jim: Clearly identifying our priorities helps us gain a sense of focus, so I'd suggest that you first reflect on what (read: who) matters most to you. Short of making some major changes to your lifestyle -- which may perhaps be worth considering in the long run -- the key is to learn what it takes for you to shift gears, slow down and mentally change locations.

You can probably find some personal rituals to perform in order to shake off your work-based identity and leave your "office self" behind. (For instance: Set boundaries for yourself regarding after-hours work email, etc.) The goal is that when you're at home, you're fully present in the moment with your spouse and children.

When you arrive at your house each evening, I'd encourage you to first sit down with your wife and talk quietly for a few minutes before engaging with the kids or the TV. You might even go to your bedroom and change clothes, both literally and figuratively. By mentally assuming the attitude and demeanor of a loving husband and caring father, just as you would put on a comfortable old shirt, you can make yourself at home -- 100 percent. Concentrate on the moment and let business worries take care of themselves.

For more insights, I'd recommend the classic book "Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives" by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. If Focus on the Family can help you through the process, please call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Question: My wife and I have been married 30 years, but we're growing further apart every day. All that's holding us together is our children, grandchildren and involvement in church -- otherwise, we hardly communicate. What can we do to get our relationship back to what it was years ago?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Remember that love is a decision. Healthy relationships are those where both man and woman decide to love, even if neither of them necessarily feels like it at the moment. Rediscovering the bonds that originally brought you together is a process -- but by taking small steps, and seizing everyday moments, you can get there.

-- Start by committing to fight the negative beliefs that have built up over time. Then write a list of the things you cherish about your spouse, both when you first met and now. Read that list every day, and add to it as you can.

-- Find at least one opportunity each day to compliment your wife, express gratitude and/or give her affirmation. Work toward a goal of spending 20 minutes daily just talking together -- not complaining, fighting or administrating your marriage, but simply connecting.

-- Become a student of your spouse. When you express genuine curiosity about what interests her, you'll discover new ways that you can nourish her -- and you'll probably find that she reciprocates.

-- Start dating again, preferably weekly. Invite her out, dress up, go to new places and just have fun together. Reminisce about what drew you together in the first place, and then dream together. Work on developing shared interests. My wife, Erin, and I wrote the book "Take the Date Night Challenge" to help couples get started in this pursuit.

Your marriage is worth the effort. Decide every day to make it your priority.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.