Question: I've had a problem with alcohol for years, and now it's severely impacting my family and even my work. I doubt that I'll be able to stop drinking without professional assistance. Can you point me in the right direction?

Jim: You've already taken the most important step toward change by admitting that you need help. No one sets a goal of becoming addicted to a substance. Addiction is powerful and deceptive in its nature. It's a non-discriminatory, progressive disorder of the body, mind and spirit -- therefore, it isolates people spiritually, emotionally and socially. If you're ever to move beyond this stifling isolation, it will be because you intentionally choose to do so.

I encourage you to begin your recovery journey by identifying the nearest support group that deals with alcoholism or addictive behaviors. In addition to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there are many faith-based recovery meetings that can offer encouragement.

If you're unsure what level of care you need, our counselors recommend that you contact a licensed chemical dependency treatment program near you to schedule an evaluation. The outcome will help you determine the next step. While the thought of taking that step may seem intimidating, I strongly encourage you to follow through on the program's recommendations. Your life is too precious to gamble with, and trying to overcome addiction without outside help is extremely difficult.

Getting treatment is a crucial decision, but it's just the beginning. After treatment, the stresses of living sober can quickly lead to a relapse. You'll want to connect with a strong aftercare program where relapse prevention techniques and skills are taught.

Finally, I invite you to call our licensed counselors at Focus, 855-771-HELP (4357). They can provide encouragement and also help you find a qualified therapist in your area who can assist in your efforts to move forward. May God grant you the strength for the journey.

Question: Our 17-year-old son has become very disrespectful to us. He's easily angered and makes sarcastic remarks. We've tried taking away privileges, but it doesn't seem to change his attitude. What can we do to make him take notice and grow up?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I understand that this is a frustrating situation -- but unfortunately, one that is fairly common. Often when a teenager starts being disrespectful, I assume that something else is driving that behavior.

Begin by doing a self-check to assess the behaviors you and your spouse are modeling. If your son feels that you don't respect each other (or him), or doesn't believe he's a priority to you, he may reflect that attitude back at you.

Next, it's vital to reach out in love and try to find out what has prompted the behavioral change. Is he being bullied or rejected by peers? Perhaps he didn't make a team, or is struggling with a particular school subject, and is feeling diminished as a result.

The point is that if you genuinely try to understand his world and emotions, and pursue him relationally, he probably won't resent limits. Teenagers need a stable, secure foundation to launch into adulthood; they want to know that you care enough to establish reasonable boundaries.

That involves being proactive vs. reactive. Set aside a time -- outside the heat of conflict -- and respectfully share your feelings using word pictures. Involve your son in the process of contracting around appropriate behavior, i.e., get him to decide and agree not only to the consequences if he falls short, but also the rewards when he succeeds.

As the saying goes, "Do to others what you would have them do to you." Show him you respect him enough to really care if he's hurting, and hopefully he will reciprocate.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Question: I admit I'm a workaholic. This coming year, I want to be more involved with my wife and kids and less distracted by business concerns, but I fear I've lost the ability to jump off the treadmill and leave the rat race behind. Any suggestions?

Jim: Clearly identifying our priorities helps us gain a sense of focus, so I'd suggest that you first reflect on what (read: who) matters most to you. Short of making some major changes to your lifestyle -- which may perhaps be worth considering in the long run -- the key is to learn what it takes for you to shift gears, slow down and mentally change locations.

You can probably find some personal rituals to perform in order to shake off your work-based identity and leave your "office self" behind. (For instance: Set boundaries for yourself regarding after-hours work email, etc.) The goal is that when you're at home, you're fully present in the moment with your spouse and children.

When you arrive at your house each evening, I'd encourage you to first sit down with your wife and talk quietly for a few minutes before engaging with the kids or the TV. You might even go to your bedroom and change clothes, both literally and figuratively. By mentally assuming the attitude and demeanor of a loving husband and caring father, just as you would put on a comfortable old shirt, you can make yourself at home -- 100 percent. Concentrate on the moment and let business worries take care of themselves.

For more insights, I'd recommend the classic book "Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives" by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. If Focus on the Family can help you through the process, please call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Question: My wife and I have been married 30 years, but we're growing further apart every day. All that's holding us together is our children, grandchildren and involvement in church -- otherwise, we hardly communicate. What can we do to get our relationship back to what it was years ago?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Remember that love is a decision. Healthy relationships are those where both man and woman decide to love, even if neither of them necessarily feels like it at the moment. Rediscovering the bonds that originally brought you together is a process -- but by taking small steps, and seizing everyday moments, you can get there.

-- Start by committing to fight the negative beliefs that have built up over time. Then write a list of the things you cherish about your spouse, both when you first met and now. Read that list every day, and add to it as you can.

-- Find at least one opportunity each day to compliment your wife, express gratitude and/or give her affirmation. Work toward a goal of spending 20 minutes daily just talking together -- not complaining, fighting or administrating your marriage, but simply connecting.

-- Become a student of your spouse. When you express genuine curiosity about what interests her, you'll discover new ways that you can nourish her -- and you'll probably find that she reciprocates.

-- Start dating again, preferably weekly. Invite her out, dress up, go to new places and just have fun together. Reminisce about what drew you together in the first place, and then dream together. Work on developing shared interests. My wife, Erin, and I wrote the book "Take the Date Night Challenge" to help couples get started in this pursuit.

Your marriage is worth the effort. Decide every day to make it your priority.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: What are your feelings about New Year's resolutions? Do you make them, and if so, what are some of them?

Jim: It's hard to believe we've already arrived at this time of year when we typically pause, reflect, regret, repent and resolve to make some changes. By the time the Times Square Ball falls in New York City Wednesday night, millions of Americans will have compiled their lists. And I can't say for certain, but I imagine that losing weight, getting fit and (with Christmas behind us) getting out of debt are at the top of many lists.

The truth is, we're all works in progress, and for many people New Year's resolutions can be a helpful exercise in our efforts to realize growth and positive change. Although I usually don't have a specific list every year, I do reflect on the past and set goals for the future. That's important. This season of taking personal inventory is like a much needed wheel alignment.

As I've aged, though -- and hopefully matured -- I'm learning that self-actualization and my own personal achievements bring less satisfaction and have far less impact than the development of my character and the giving of myself to others. The brilliant 18th-century theologian and evangelist Jonathan Edwards understood this, too -- and at a much younger age. First among his well-known 70 Resolutions (many written at the age of 19) is:

"Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to the glory of God ... to do whatever I think to be my duty, and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general."

As we turn the page on 2014 and look with anticipation toward 2015, I'd encourage all of us to resolve to do the same.

Happy New Year!

Q: Our daughter and former son-in-law were married for 10 years until he left her and their two kids three years ago. Although they've divorced, he continues a relationship with her and the children. Our daughter is insistent that he join us for New Year's, otherwise none of them will come. Though I haven't told her, we'd really rather he not. Should we just cave in and let him come?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I feel for you and the difficulty of your predicament. You didn't spell out what's beneath your reluctance to have your former son-in-law come along, but you're likely wrestling with several emotions. Maybe you're still hurt and angry over the abandonment of your daughter and grandkids and the way he's treated them. Maybe you've never gotten along, or perhaps you have reservations about whether this kind of arrangement is unhealthy and potentially hurtful and confusing to the kids.

Your feelings and concerns are understandable, and the situation is less than ideal. Still, in this case, I would encourage you to defer to your daughter's assessment of things. She's been charged with the responsibility for the well-being of her kids -- that's her call -- while you have ownership of your attitude toward her former husband.

Rather than view his joining you as "caving in," consider this an opportunity to extend unconditional love to your former son-in-law, to deepen your relationship with and influence on your grandchildren, and to demonstrate respect and show your daughter how much she matters to you.

Admittedly, this won't be easy, so it's important that you and your spouse get on the same page beforehand so that you can discuss your needs and ways you can support one another when the clan's together. Please call our Focus counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.