Question: I admit I'm a workaholic. This coming year, I want to be more involved with my wife and kids and less distracted by business concerns, but I fear I've lost the ability to jump off the treadmill and leave the rat race behind. Any suggestions?

Jim: Clearly identifying our priorities helps us gain a sense of focus, so I'd suggest that you first reflect on what (read: who) matters most to you. Short of making some major changes to your lifestyle -- which may perhaps be worth considering in the long run -- the key is to learn what it takes for you to shift gears, slow down and mentally change locations.

You can probably find some personal rituals to perform in order to shake off your work-based identity and leave your "office self" behind. (For instance: Set boundaries for yourself regarding after-hours work email, etc.) The goal is that when you're at home, you're fully present in the moment with your spouse and children.

When you arrive at your house each evening, I'd encourage you to first sit down with your wife and talk quietly for a few minutes before engaging with the kids or the TV. You might even go to your bedroom and change clothes, both literally and figuratively. By mentally assuming the attitude and demeanor of a loving husband and caring father, just as you would put on a comfortable old shirt, you can make yourself at home -- 100 percent. Concentrate on the moment and let business worries take care of themselves.

For more insights, I'd recommend the classic book "Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives" by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. If Focus on the Family can help you through the process, please call us at 1-800-A-FAMILY.

Question: My wife and I have been married 30 years, but we're growing further apart every day. All that's holding us together is our children, grandchildren and involvement in church -- otherwise, we hardly communicate. What can we do to get our relationship back to what it was years ago?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Remember that love is a decision. Healthy relationships are those where both man and woman decide to love, even if neither of them necessarily feels like it at the moment. Rediscovering the bonds that originally brought you together is a process -- but by taking small steps, and seizing everyday moments, you can get there.

-- Start by committing to fight the negative beliefs that have built up over time. Then write a list of the things you cherish about your spouse, both when you first met and now. Read that list every day, and add to it as you can.

-- Find at least one opportunity each day to compliment your wife, express gratitude and/or give her affirmation. Work toward a goal of spending 20 minutes daily just talking together -- not complaining, fighting or administrating your marriage, but simply connecting.

-- Become a student of your spouse. When you express genuine curiosity about what interests her, you'll discover new ways that you can nourish her -- and you'll probably find that she reciprocates.

-- Start dating again, preferably weekly. Invite her out, dress up, go to new places and just have fun together. Reminisce about what drew you together in the first place, and then dream together. Work on developing shared interests. My wife, Erin, and I wrote the book "Take the Date Night Challenge" to help couples get started in this pursuit.

Your marriage is worth the effort. Decide every day to make it your priority.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: What are your feelings about New Year's resolutions? Do you make them, and if so, what are some of them?

Jim: It's hard to believe we've already arrived at this time of year when we typically pause, reflect, regret, repent and resolve to make some changes. By the time the Times Square Ball falls in New York City Wednesday night, millions of Americans will have compiled their lists. And I can't say for certain, but I imagine that losing weight, getting fit and (with Christmas behind us) getting out of debt are at the top of many lists.

The truth is, we're all works in progress, and for many people New Year's resolutions can be a helpful exercise in our efforts to realize growth and positive change. Although I usually don't have a specific list every year, I do reflect on the past and set goals for the future. That's important. This season of taking personal inventory is like a much needed wheel alignment.

As I've aged, though -- and hopefully matured -- I'm learning that self-actualization and my own personal achievements bring less satisfaction and have far less impact than the development of my character and the giving of myself to others. The brilliant 18th-century theologian and evangelist Jonathan Edwards understood this, too -- and at a much younger age. First among his well-known 70 Resolutions (many written at the age of 19) is:

"Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to the glory of God ... to do whatever I think to be my duty, and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general."

As we turn the page on 2014 and look with anticipation toward 2015, I'd encourage all of us to resolve to do the same.

Happy New Year!

Q: Our daughter and former son-in-law were married for 10 years until he left her and their two kids three years ago. Although they've divorced, he continues a relationship with her and the children. Our daughter is insistent that he join us for New Year's, otherwise none of them will come. Though I haven't told her, we'd really rather he not. Should we just cave in and let him come?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I feel for you and the difficulty of your predicament. You didn't spell out what's beneath your reluctance to have your former son-in-law come along, but you're likely wrestling with several emotions. Maybe you're still hurt and angry over the abandonment of your daughter and grandkids and the way he's treated them. Maybe you've never gotten along, or perhaps you have reservations about whether this kind of arrangement is unhealthy and potentially hurtful and confusing to the kids.

Your feelings and concerns are understandable, and the situation is less than ideal. Still, in this case, I would encourage you to defer to your daughter's assessment of things. She's been charged with the responsibility for the well-being of her kids -- that's her call -- while you have ownership of your attitude toward her former husband.

Rather than view his joining you as "caving in," consider this an opportunity to extend unconditional love to your former son-in-law, to deepen your relationship with and influence on your grandchildren, and to demonstrate respect and show your daughter how much she matters to you.

Admittedly, this won't be easy, so it's important that you and your spouse get on the same page beforehand so that you can discuss your needs and ways you can support one another when the clan's together. Please call our Focus counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) if we can be of help.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Last month your column discussed practicing self-denial with kids and offered ways to guard them from developing narcissistic tendencies. It was helpful advice, but I'd also like to encourage my kids to be more thoughtful and aware of the needs of others. Do you have any ideas how I can do this?

Jim: The fact that you value and want to promote a lifestyle of selflessness with your children suggests that they have a pretty good chance of getting there. It's been said that "more is caught than taught" -- so if you're consistently modeling these actions and attitudes in your home, you've provided them with a great head start.

That said, it's important to actively involve your kids in the process, and there are many ripe opportunities for this during the Christmas season. Here are some ideas to consider:

-- Shovel an elderly neighbor's driveway.

-- Bake and deliver cookies to those working on Christmas Day (e.g. firefighters and police).

-- Serve meals at a local shelter.

-- Visit a nursing home to carol or read Christmas stories with residents.

-- Provide gifts to the underprivileged through projects like Operation Christmas Child.

-- Drop off baked goods to those who are homebound or hurting.

-- Invite those who don't have family to join your holiday table.

You can add your own creative ideas, I'm sure. But the key is to help your kids grasp the "why" of all this. A good way is to ask questions designed to help them reflect on how recipients of your kindnesses may be feeling and what difference your actions might make. For instance, "How would you feel if you were all alone or had to work on Christmas Day?" In doing so, you'll help them develop empathy and the capacity to recognize, understand and identify with the feelings of others -- invaluable character traits to instill in your children.

Q: Growing up, I enjoyed Christmas traditions that revolved around caroling, baking cookies, decorating a tree and helping prepare big family dinners. I'm not sure how it happened, but our family traditions have morphed into watching Christmas classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street," "White Christmas," and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" -- or other media-related activities that involve little interaction. Everyone seems to love this but me. How do I introduce a media-free Christmas?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: My answer may surprise you: Basically, you don't. Let me unpack this a bit by touching on the idea of completely eliminating TV from the home. While I'm not entirely against this step, I believe it works for relatively few families. Those that navigate "throwing out the TV" successfully do so only when all family members are on board. When it's just a top-down decision from parents, it typically backfires.

The same pitfalls exist when trying to introduce a media-free Christmas. Your observation that "everyone seems to love this but me" suggests you don't have the buy-in necessary to proceed. Not every parenting decision should be 100 percent buy-in, of course, but those such as going media-free at Christmas should rarely be dictatorial.

While I'd encourage you to preserve the traditions you enjoyed, making wholesome Christmas movies part of your family's annual experience can also be a positive thing. Many families bond by watching films like "Elf" or "It's a Wonderful Life" year after year to the point where they can playfully exchange dialogue from the film as easily as they can sing "Jingle Bells." I'd suggest that, in addition to caroling and decorating the tree, you spread a net wide enough to enjoy a few films together, too. No sense in being a Scrooge when it comes to all Christmas-related media!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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