Question: I recently read that narcissistic behavior is on the rise, and this seems to confirm my own observations of a culture that seems to be increasingly selfish and entitled. I'm especially concerned about my children growing up with these influences. Is there anything I can do to prevent them from developing these negative traits?

Jim: According to our counselors, though a genetic predisposition to narcissism may exist, it is most commonly understood as a learned behavior.

Renowned psychologists Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend identify two parenting factors that can contribute to the development of narcissism: Parents may 1) ignore the bad behavior of their children and 2) fail to limit the grandiose perceptions of their children. Both lead to a child's unrealistic, over-exaggerated sense of worth that impacts all future relationships.

While the first few years of a child's life are usually characterized by "narcissistic thinking" (including a lack of awareness of others, an all-knowing attitude, magical thinking, insensitivity and lack of interpersonal boundaries), this should be a temporary state. For the narcissist, however, these traits continue into adulthood if he's not taught consideration of and empathy toward others, an accurate assessment of his own mistakes, anger management, boundaries and interpersonal skills.

So what can you do to prevent narcissism in your child? Consider the following:

-- Avoid anything that suggests to your child he is superior and deserves every advantage in life.

-- Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his actions, while providing clear feedback and helping him maintain his dignity.

-- Listen well and provide a safe, respectful home and community environment.

-- Provide age-appropriate information and guidance in establishing boundaries.

-- Encourage your child to develop his potential, to thoughtfully evaluate choices and to value interpersonal relationships.

-- Affirm your child for his consistent positive and selfless behaviors.

Finally, model unconditional love while helping your child come to grips with and take responsibility for wrongdoings -- including the need to ask for and accept forgiveness.

Question: We haven't even digested our turkey from Thanksgiving, and already my son is telling me everything he has to have for Christmas. I'm afraid he's becoming self-centered and self-indulgent. Should we make an active and intentional effort to teach him the concept of self-denial?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The answer is definitely yes. Not only for you, but for every parent. Discipline is basic to sound parenting, and you can't discipline your child without teaching self-denial.

Focus on the Family has always believed that the key to effective child discipline is in balancing love and limits. Children cannot thrive without experiencing consistent and unconditional love. But they also need -- and actually desire -- boundaries and ground rules. There is nothing contradictory about the expression of love and the enforcement of limits. In fact, they are closely related.

Allowing a child to have his way without any restraint is not an expression of love. At the other extreme, harsh, rigid or authoritarian treatment of children isn't an appropriate way to set limits. Your goal lies in between: to exercise the kind of loving guidance that helps a child grow into the sort of person who is capable of imposing limits on himself. That's what self-denial is all about.

The application of this principle will expand as your child moves through adolescence and into young adulthood. It will, for instance, directly impact his attitudes toward sexuality and his relationships with the opposite sex. It will also affect the way he views money -- how much he spends, how much he saves and how much he gives away.

Denying your son some of the things he wants may not win you any Children's Choice Awards right now, but someday he (and his own kids) will thank you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Question: Thanksgiving is this week, and I'm having a hard time getting up for it. I'm usually a positive person, but all of life's difficulties decided to visit me this year. And the mess the world is in only adds to my feelings of despair. How can I get past this?

Jim: I think a lot of folks are where you're at right now. These aren't easy times. It's been said that "gratitude is the mother of all virtues." But our feelings of gratitude run only as deep as the thing they're rooted in. Ultimately, our expressions of thanksgiving are a reflection of and stem from where we've placed our hope. Because while it's good to give thanks for life's blessings, life's circumstances will always be shaky and uncertain.

Perhaps no one knew this more than Martin Rinkart. Rinkart was a Lutheran minister who served the German town of Eilenburg during the Thirty Years' War. This long and destructive conflict remains one of the most devastating in all of European history. Wars, plagues, pestilence and famine reduced the German population by 40 percent, and as a strategic city, Eilenburg experienced the brunt of it. Though destitute himself, Rinkart provided refuge for victims in his home. In 1637, as the city's only surviving pastor, Rinkart performed over 4,000 funerals -- as many as 50 funerals a day -- including that of his wife.

Yet in the midst of this unimaginable pain and suffering, Rinkart wrote what many consider to be our finest Thanksgiving hymn, "Now Thank We All Our God." A study of its words reveals the source of Rinkart's unshakeable gratitude -- and I'd encourage you to read them.

I'd also encourage you to call our Focus counselors. They're here to listen and help in times like these.

Question: My father-in-law insists on carving our Thanksgiving turkey. He considers it a position of honor. The problem is that he does a terrible job! My beautifully cooked turkey gets absolutely mauled! I don't want to insult him by giving the job to someone else -- it means so much to him. How can I fix this in a loving way?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Planning and preparing the Thanksgiving meal represents an incredible gift. It always seems a shame that so much time and effort goes into this labor of love, only to have everything devoured and done in a matter of moments. Perhaps this is a part of your own frustration. Regardless, I commend your wanting to provide a special Thanksgiving experience for everyone, while also protecting the feelings of and guarding your relationship with your father-in-law.

It's important that you resist the temptation to dismiss your feelings. Resentment will only build, and growth and resolution won't be realized unless you're able to identify why this is an issue for you. After you've explored your feelings and arrived at the heart of the matter, you may decide to stay with the status quo. But that doesn't mean you can't use the opportunity to create a "win" for everybody.

You could, for instance, start a new tradition of taking a family picture with your beautiful bird before it goes under the knife. You might also further honor your father-in-law by publically expressing how much you've appreciated his carving leadership, and how you'd like to preserve the tradition by having him someday confer that responsibility to your husband when he's ready.

In the end, you may find that this sacrificial act is merely an extension and enhancement of everything you're trying to accomplish -- serving friends and family and providing an atmosphere where a spirit of love and thanksgiving is felt and expressed.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: How much do my children need to know about my past? Is there any reason to be completely open with them about the moral failings of my youth?

Jim: This is a common, but important, question. Our counselors generally believe that "less is more" in these cases. But the most important consideration should always be, "What's in the best interest of your child"?

Truthfulness and transparency are critical, but the detail of any confession should be guided by several factors. Age and maturity are important considerations, as is your child's motivation. Is he requesting that you reveal personal information -- as in, "Did you do drugs or have sex when you were in high school?" If not, you need to question whether there's any good reason to volunteer this. If he's trying to elicit facts about your past history, how is your narrative likely to be used? If it's a case of a rebellious teen stockpiling ammunition to be used against the authority figures in his life, you should proceed with caution.

On the other hand, if he's sincerely reaching out for empathy and guidance in the midst of a personal battle with temptation, it might help to reveal some of your own human weaknesses. This can be an unparalleled teaching opportunity to share valuable wisdom drawn from real-life experience. This is the time to say -- with humility -- "I fell into that trap when I was young, and here's why I don't want to see you make the same mistake."

In bringing your personal failings out into the open, you can show a struggling teen exactly what it means to correct course and, through faith, redeem the errors of the past. This can add credibility to your warnings and positively impact your child's future in ways you can't possibly predict.

Question: My wife is naturally beautiful. But when we go out, she wears too much makeup and hides her innate beauty. I've tried to drop subtle hints that she's prettier with less, but she's not getting it. Do you think I should keep my mouth shut or be more direct?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You'd be wise to tread lightly here. Matters of appearance are highly personal decisions for both men and women and are closely tied to our sense of identity. And while honesty is essential in a marriage, so is respecting boundaries, and the feelings and preferences of your mate.

When dealing with delicate issues, it's important to first determine what the real issue is. In your case, it means you need to carefully examine your motives. Is the energy here about your own preferences or how your wife's appearance makes you feel? Are you truly seeking her best interest and trying to encourage her in how she feels about herself, or helping her understand how others may be misperceiving her?

If you conclude that this is just about you, then I'd strongly recommend you keep your opinions to yourself unless your wife asks for or invites them. This doesn't mean that you can't make your preferences known. But that should be limited to expressing appreciation for those things about her appearance that you delight in.

On the other hand, if she's shared with you some doubts or insecurity about her clothes or makeup, you might gently offer some suggestions along with affirming the things she already does that you find attractive. You may even want to offer to fund a session with a beauty consultant as your gift to her if you think she'd be receptive. Bottom line: value and guard the beauty of her heart above all else.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.