Q: Last year while confronting cancer, I underwent a hysterectomy and had a breast removed. Since then, my husband has distanced himself emotionally and doesn't seem to care at all about sex. I'm devastated. Can you help me?

Jim: I'm sorry to hear of the heartache you've had to endure. Many couples in your situation experience similar struggles, and most don't understand the underlying dynamics.

For a woman in your position, it's easy to feel like she's been "diminished" as a person -- that she's lost part of her identity or femininity. As a result, her body image is skewed and her self-image plummets, which often is further compounded by the emotional ups and downs associated with menopause and midlife.

The man, on the other hand, is frequently wrestling with issues of his own. Despite his best efforts to put up a brave front, he often finds it difficult to watch his wife undergo a major surgery like a mastectomy or hysterectomy. Fear, uncertainty, or feelings of inadequacy may cause him to shut down emotionally in the form of silence and withdrawal.

In both cases, perception is the problem. Both husband and wife are laboring under false ideas about themselves. The solution is to get the streams of honest communication and candid self-disclosure flowing. If you and your husband can acknowledge your feelings to yourselves and then discuss them in open conversation, the cloud hanging over your marriage may begin to disperse. I'd also encourage you both to find the support of a trusted same-sex friend who can help you work through the specifically male and female aspects of your respective situations.

If you find it hard to talk with your spouse about this subject, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor. Our staff would be happy to assist you with a referral.

Q: My 12-year-old daughter loves YouTube. But since there's no real rating system, she can bounce from an innocent talking cat video to some guy's profanity-laced "vlog" without warning. How can I keep her on the right channel?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: Sadly, some of the most risque stuff I've ever seen (and as a film critic I've seen a lot) has been on YouTube. One billion video clips are now viewed daily on YouTube, with 100 hours of content uploaded every minute. In other words, no matter how committed YouTube may be to keeping its service clean and porn-free, there's simply no way its censors can keep up with the volume.

That said, YouTube isn't all bad. Think of it as a library filled with books: Some books are great, some are neutral, and some are disgusting. A good friend of mine recently replaced a broken driver's side window by following a how-to-fix-it YouTube video he found. It saved him hundreds of dollars -- definitely a "good book."

Keeping your daughter in the great books section of the YouTube library, however, is a real challenge. Fortunately, Internet filtering software such as NetNanny does a good job of blocking undesirable content, and I recommend installing such software.

But better still, I'd encourage you to sit down with your daughter to view and talk about a variety of YouTube videos, including some out-of-bounds ones you've previewed. Resist the urge to just give a thumbs up or down. Rather, cultivate discernment in your daughter by asking her questions and discussing the content and messaging of each video. Your goal is to help her identify and understand why a certain video does or doesn't make the grade and how to respond when she encounters unsavory material. Finally, be sure to revisit these conversations every few weeks.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: We adopted our son at birth and have raised him in a loving home. Now that he's a teenager, he's obsessed with the fact that he's adopted. When he gets angry, he yells, "You aren't my real parents!" We are devastated because we love him so much and want him to know that this is his real family. It's so complicated because he doesn't know his birth parents. How can we help him?

Jim: Our team that oversees Focus on the Family's Orphan Care Initiative has written extensively about the challenges adoptive parents face. They recommend that parents do not become hurt, discouraged or threatened when their kids express a desire for contact with their birth parents. You mentioned that your son "doesn't know his birth parents," but is there any information you might be able to give him in that regard?

This will, of course, depend greatly upon your own situation and the circumstances of the adoption. But in general, the adoption should not be an off-limits topic with your son. Allow him to ask questions. Again, our adoption team advises parents that being open, honest and forthcoming is one of the most helpful things they can do for their adopted kids. It does not negate the fact that he is your son and a member of your family.

If you'd like additional help navigating these waters, please call our counseling team for a free consultation. Also, consider two excellent books on this subject: "Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family: Real-Life Solutions to Common Challenges" by David and Renee Sanford, and "Before You Were Mine: Discovering Your Adopted Child's Lifestory" by Susan TeBos and Carissa Woodwyk.

Q: Our teenage daughter is out of control. She's disrespectful to us and is causing problems in school. She's never been like this before. It's so out of character for her. We try to talk to her and she just says there's nothing wrong. We're at our breaking point and feel so helpless. Is it time for counseling?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: We often hear from weary parents who have reached the end of their rope with a strong-willed adolescent. You're not alone.

When it comes to her behavior, it's critical that you lay out your expectations in advance and make sure that your daughter understands them. The consequences for rebellious or disobedient behavior should also be spelled out beforehand, and the implementation of those consequences should be prompt and consistent. Your daughter will likely challenge these standards at every opportunity, but it's crucial to keep your cool in the face of defiance. Don't give her an opportunity to seize control of the situation.

Also, keep in mind that teens of all temperaments are in the process of trying to form an identity. This can often play itself out in behavior calculated to define "self" in opposition to the values, beliefs, wishes and instructions of the parents. This is another reason why consistent guidelines are so important. They should be divided into at least three different categories: non-negotiable rules, negotiable rules, and rules that can be discarded as your daughter matures and demonstrates a growing ability to regulate her own behavior.

Is it time for counseling? That's a tough determination to make from afar, but you might start by calling Focus on the Family for a free consultation with one of our licensed marriage and family therapists.

Finally, don't lose hope! We hear from many parents who are ready to give up on their volatile teens, only to see them reach a more mature equilibrium after high school.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our teenage son is extremely intelligent. The problem is he only wants to play video games all day and night when he's home. It's a struggle to get him involved in any kind of physical activity or even just to read a book. How can I encourage him to do other things without completely taking his video games away?

Jim: You're not alone. A study by the Kaiser Family Foundation revealed that kids aged 8 to 18 now spend more than 7 1/2 hours every day using electronic gadgets, including game consoles!

I'd suggest it's time to go beyond "encouraging him to do other things," and actually set some limits. Sit down with him and explain your concerns in clear language. Tell him you feel things have gotten out of hand and that you're going to start limiting the amount of time he spends gaming.

Point out that it's important to live a balanced life that includes interests outside of video games -- things like reading, spending time with friends, playing sports or enjoying the outdoors. Make it clear that you won't allow any video games until homework and chores are complete.

Then, be sure to follow through! Don't shrink in the face of whining and complaining. At worst, you might need to get rid of the game console for a time. Most parents who stay strong in this battle find that their teens will eventually discover that there's more to life than pixels on a screen.

We've implemented this plan with our own two boys, and have also used an "earn to play" system. Both approaches have worked really well for us.

Q: Do you have any advice for how I can get my husband to talk with me? He has plenty to say around his friends, but I can't get more than seven words out of him.

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Have you heard of the horse whisperer, Nicholas Evans? Well, I'm going to make you a "husband whisperer" by helping you decode the mysteries of male communication. Here are some tips that should help encourage him to open up:

-- Evaluate your expectations: Generally, women communicate to connect relationally, while guys are wired to give advice and troubleshoot. Understanding your different styles can defuse conflict and enhance communication.

-- Learn his communication pattern: How does he engage others, and what things are discussed? When is he most attentive and receptive to conversation?

-- Use conversational foreplay: Women can usually share their feelings more quickly than men. If you want a deep conversation, ask some "warm-up" questions first.

-- Timing: Most guys don't want to discuss their day right after work, when there's "chaos," when they're tired and hungry, or watching a sporting event. We're sometimes more receptive to conversation when tied to an activity like walking or driving.

-- Don't multitask: Keep it simple for us -- one thing or topic at a time.

-- Offer him a "diet story." Men process information differently than ladies. Trimming away some of the details or words will keep him engaged.

-- Soften your approach: Guys are highly sensitive to criticism, disrespect or failure, and a harsh start-up emotionally shuts us down. Kicking off a discussion with a gentle voice, relaxed body language and kind words and facial expressions will keep us in the game.

-- Accept "fine" as a reasonable answer: No matter the language or culture, women have a universal distaste for this word. But men tend to communicate factually with less emotion and description. So for us, "fine" means perfectly fine.

-- Be direct in asking for what you want: Women can usually pick up subtle messages, but hints don't work well for us.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.